I know that there is such a question, which is longer, "love at first sight" or "long-term love"? In this regard, netizens are constantly arguing, and one of the answers of 300,000 likes caters to the ideas of many young people at present, and I summarize them as follows.
In the experience of feelings, "love at first sight" and "long-term love" will be like two endpoints of a yardstick, almost including all emotional experiences.
So as the two most representative ways of getting along, is it "lifelong at first sight" that can make the two people get along better, or "see people's hearts for a long time" can give people a sense of security?
Wu Guijun, a modern romantic poet born in the 1990s, once said in his work "Like a Person" that liking a person is: "Starting from appearance, falling into talent, and being loyal to character." ”
For many couples who "fell in love at first sight" and are able to work together to get all the way to the end, such a process is often very much in line with their experience. However, for those who value their first feelings and appearance, such a process does not always exist.
The 28-year-old Xiao Zhang and his girlfriend met on campus, and when the two were the most beautiful and their appearance was outstanding, because of a chance activity, two people belonging to different colleges and different majors were attracted to each other at the same time.
After that, he was out of control, quickly developed feelings, and became lovers.
In the process of getting along, although the two found that the other's personality was slightly different from what they imagined, they finally persevered.
It was not until the time of talking about marriage that the two who had been together for nearly ten years found that the young man who originally lived in his heart like a flower and as dazzling as the sun had lost his former glory, and the two of them in the first year finally only had the emotions accumulated over the years.
Therefore, cases like this also prove to us that not all "love at first sight" is "unreliable", what matters is whether the relationship between the two can become strong after acquaintance.
In the field of psychology, the American psychologist Locchins (A. S. Lochins once proposed the concept of primacy effect, arguing that in social interaction, individuals will have a deeper impression of those who they prefer or have their own favorite elements in social interactions, and in subsequent interactions, almost all views of each other are based on the initial point of view.
The same is true between many couples, and perhaps some people are not the kind of absolute surprise/fall of the country, but in the eyes of the other party, it is very "pleasing to the eye", and they are willing to share their feelings with each other, and then the feelings between the two will often grow by leaps and bounds.
Therefore, in these "love at first sight" love, it is best for the two to be clear about the motivation and maintenance mechanism of the two parties together, so as to help them get along for a long time, rather than "starting from the appearance and collapsing in the middle".
Unlike the previous type, for those who are not deeply immersed in each other's world at the first time they meet, some couples or couples have been introduced or have already known each other when they met.
However, at the beginning, it did not develop in the direction of love or marriage, and then in the long-term relationship, it was found that the other party's character/personality or personality charm had its own very appreciative components, or in the process of getting along, the two found that they were very compatible with each other.
Generally for such emotional types, their state will become more intimate, because what originally attracted each other is the valuable qualities of the other party, which are more reliable and durable than the first impression and appearance.
Robert J. Sternberg, a professor of psychology at Yale University, proposed the love triangle theory in the last century, which holds that all human experiences of love are made up of three elements:
Passion
Close
Promise
According to the proportion of the three elements, love is divided into six modes, namely liking love, obsessive love, empty love, romantic love, partner love, stupid love, and some perfectionist perfect love.
For example, the "old husband and wife" Tianyu and Jinxue, who are not confused, can be described as "green plum bamboo horses", have known each other since childhood, this day and night relationship makes the two know each other very well, but also "automatically" ignore each other when choosing a mate - it is too familiar to get along like lovers.
However, when the two of them have passed the year and have chosen a mate many times, at a dinner table that "comforts" each other, Tianyu spit out the truth after drinking, "In fact, I want to take care of you, but the two are too familiar, afraid that they can't get along with each other in the relationship of lovers." ”
Who knew that Jin Xue also had this intention, the two immediately decided to become lovers, and then the relatives and friends around them were very shocked.
However, the original very solid relationship foundation and the commitment of people to each other in middle age make the relationship between the two lovers very stable, and after forming a romantic relationship, the two also found many unknown aspects of each other, which also injected a lot of freshness into the lives of the two, and unexpectedly promoted the two to get along.
Finally, after a brief attempt, the two married, and to this day, ten years later, their relationship is still getting closer and the two are gradually becoming one.
In people's eyes, "love at first sight" is often due to a momentary impulse, or even very immature; and the two people who have "long-term love" do not seem to have a stable emotional basis for each other.
After our analysis, this is not the case. In either case, if the final relationship between the two can last a long time and become more and more optimized, then both parties are bound to be very invested in this relationship.
Under this premise, then, the old ideas no longer work, and the two sides do not have to bind each other because of this, but should boldly continue to develop their feelings.
In short, the effect of "love at first sight" and "long-term love" actually depends on the relationship between the two parties and the attitude towards the relationship.
