Will the mother-in-law relationship also be inherited from generation to generation?
My daughter answered me with actual behavior: Yes.
I never dreamed that when I raised my daughter, I would worry about her conduct, studies, career, and marriage.
Another day, I was actually involved in her mother-in-law relationship.
That's true: How much does a mother have to worry about her child?
A: Even if she dies, she must bless her whole family in the grave.
It is reasonable to say that Shanshan and their little couple, the house is the down payment of the in-laws, and the car is the dowry of the mother-in-law.
Moreover, the parents of both parties each pay 100,000 yuan as the starting capital of their small family.
Theoretically, their little days start from a lot, and everything is fine, isn't it?
My husband and I naively thought that when our daughter got married and had her own little family, we could finally live our own lives.
However, we are still naïve.
After Shanshan got married, grumbling phone calls came to me one after another.
In my opinion, it's all sesame big business.
The complaint call she made was not about her son-in-law Stone, but about Stone's mother, that is, Shanshan's mother-in-law.
The first complaint was because the mother-in-law went to their new house and pointed out the decoration style.
For example, tatami is not practical, the tiles in the kitchen are dimmed, and the head of the bed in the master bedroom should not face west...
Shanshan said: "Mom, this is my home and Shi Shi, all the details are carefully selected by the two of us, you don't know, she is so annoying, all kinds of picky, and not for her to live." ”
I listened, smiled, and said to Shanshan, "Then after she finishes, will you renovate?" ”
Shanshan said, "Of course not, why?" ”
So I comforted: "Since you can't move, let's hear what you can lose?" What's more, your house, the mother-in-law is out of the fund, can't get the savings of the little half of life are smashed into it, say a few opinions, you can't accept it? ”
This matter is a turning point.
A few days later, Shanshan called again and said straight to the point, Mom, I really can't stand the stone. ”
Here's how it went.
Shanshan went to visit her in-laws with Shi Shi on the weekend and bought some fruit.
After the family of four finished eating, the mother-in-law washed the dishes and said to Shanshan, who was wiping the table: "Shanshan, I will wash some grapes, and we will eat while watching TV." ”
Shanshan washed.
However, on the surface, it was as if nothing had happened, but in his heart he was holding his breath.
In a phone call to me, she denounced: "Her son is obviously lying on the couch playing with his mobile phone, why don't he support her son?" Is this a rule for me? ”
I immediately laughed: "Shanshan, won't you?" Don't you just wash a grape, it's a convenient thing. ”
However, Shanshan seemed to be upset: "I did something wrong today, she asked me to wash, I should call the stone to wash, this is not a small matter, this is a big thing related to my status in their family in the future." ”
I thought that such a small matter, she spit out and it would be over.
But it didn't.
In the days that followed, Shanshan's phone calls with me increased significantly.
Moreover, it is basically based on complaining about the mother-in-law.
For example, the mother-in-law casually asked her how much her new bag cost.
For example, when her mother-in-law saw her eating ice cream, she said to her: "Eat less cold, now this girl, usually not jealous, then the difficulty of pregnancy will be dumbfounded." ”
For example, she had a cold, and her mother-in-law called "actually" and did not hear it.
"I just don't care, after all, I'm not his son, she calls her son ten times a day and tells him to drink more water every day."
The more such complaints, the more changes in my heart.
Listening to Shanshan report on the big little things of sesame seeds, and her unhappiness, I became more and more impatient.
One day, after listening to her complain about her dissatisfaction with her mother-in-law again, I dropped a sentence: "Shanshan, when did you become so presumptuous?" Are you married to Stone, or are you married to your mother-in-law? ”
Who knows, after listening to me say this, there was actually a crying voice over there: "Marriage is not a matter of two people, my mother-in-law has so many things, can I have a good life in the future?" ”
After that, every time Shanshan returned to her mother's house, she began to talk like Xianglin's sister-in-law.
She regretted that she had bought the marriage house in the same neighborhood as her mother-in-law.
She carefully counted the mother-in-law's not, and then said to me: "Mom, can you retreat in advance, in the future, I don't want my mother-in-law to bring me children, she has so many things, her mouth is so broken, and she is stingy, I can't get along with her, on her pattern, that living habits, how can I bring out children with excellent atmosphere?" ”
Shanshan's words made me angry.
As early as when she and Stone were in love, she used to praise my mother-in-law in various ways.
It is said that the mother-in-law is particularly capable, has a super good relationship with her father-in-law, and educates the stone very well.
However, in the blink of an eye, when the former "aunt" wants to become a mother-in-law, she is picky and unaccustomed to all kinds of things, and she is on the line.
That day, I really didn't suppress my anger, and I did all the pretense and the bones in the egg.
At the end, he said to her particularly sternly: "As far as your temperament is concerned, what qualifications do you have to criticize your mother-in-law?" I have cultivated you for so many years, let you play chess, calligraphy and painting, and taught you to know the book, is it to make you finally become such a small family? ”
I thought my words would be a hammer for Shanshan.
But whenever she has a little brain, she will know how narrow and ignorant her state of affairs is during this time.
She met my stern gaze, wiped her tears, and said a knife-like sentence: "Growing up, didn't I grow up in the war between you and grandma?" Therefore, I can't handle the relationship with my mother-in-law..."
I really don't remember what Shanshan said that day, I only had the pain and embarrassment of being stabbed to seven inches.
Yes, my relationship with my mother-in-law has always been at odds.
Now that I think about it, everything is not trivial.
My mother-in-law came to my house to help with the baby after Shanshan was born, and my conflict with her also began at that time.
The mother-in-law is very capable and belongs to a top two-of-a-kind hard worker.
However, she does not complain.
Or more accurately, she did her job and complained.
Since my mother-in-law stayed at our house, my husband was lazy and didn't even wash his socks.
Every time I asked him to do housework, as soon as the voice dropped, my mother-in-law reached out and did it.
I quarreled with my husband over this, and my mother-in-law would also participate: "You are not scolding my son, you are blaming me." ”
At that time, I felt that my mother-in-law had come, and she, her husband, and Shanshan were the family, and I was an outsider.
The mother-in-law is very capable, except for the baby, sometimes even washes the clothes that I have not had time to wash.
In the morning, I only need to get up a little later, and she will make breakfast, but the face that is posed to me is how ugly it is.
What's even more infuriating is that she will tell my privacy to my relatives at home and my neighbors downstairs.
For example, my relationship with my mother's brother and sister-in-law is very stiff, for example, when I quarrel with my husband, I will run away from home, for example, every time I buy new clothes, I will secretly hide it from her...
On several occasions, I heard her betray my private affairs in front of others.
So, I told her directly, "Mom, don't talk about me in front of outsiders in the future." ”
This made my mother-in-law complain everywhere, saying that when she came to our house, she didn't even have the right to chat with relatives and friends.
Especially in front of her husband, she mentioned crying once, saying how tired she was, how aggrieved, how much she was undesirable.
My husband got into a big fight with me because of this, and we even filed for divorce.
Who knows, as soon as she heard that we were going to "divorce", the mother-in-law cried out of breath: "If you want a divorce, I will die, otherwise, everyone thinks that I mixed you up." ”
Then, she hugged Shanshan and cried her heart out: "Grandma is sorry for you, Grandma is a sinner for eternity!" ”
It was these small things that were boring to say, but particularly hurtful to live, and my mother-in-law and I could not end up on the same roof.
When Shanshan was one and a half years old, the conflict between us reached its peak, and eventually, the mother-in-law returned to her home, and I hired a nanny to watch Shanshan until Shanshan went to kindergarten.
However, since then, my accusation of expelling my mother-in-law from the house has also been confirmed.
Our relationship has also fallen into a freezing point.
In order to calm things down, my mother-in-law and I lived in the same city, but we also tried to avoid meeting each other.
Every New Year's Festival, we have a reunion dinner together, and most of the time, I let my husband take Shanshan to her house in the name of having something to do.
Even so, there will still be all kinds of unhappiness.
My mother-in-law once had a gynecological operation.
She chose to hire a caregiver but didn't tell us.
As a result, shortly after being discharged from the hospital, at a family banquet, she cried and wiped tears and said to my husband and me: "I am really miserable, living in the hospital for half a month, except for your father who delivers a meal every day, you don't even show your face, and the patients think that I have no children and no daughters... Looking at people, they also gave birth to sons, but the daughter-in-law was standing by 24 hours a day, just like the daughter-in-law. ”
Seeing her cry like that, my husband and I felt very sad and a little remorseful.
However, this matter was later known to all relatives, and my mother-in-law's sister even accused me very directly at family gatherings: "Everyone will be old, and those who are not filial piety will not have a good end." ”
Where can I swallow this breath and ask my mother-in-law in front of everyone: "You must make your words clear today, obviously you yourself chose not to let us know, and in the end, why did the blame fall on me?" ”
Guess what the mother-in-law said?
She said, "If you were usually kind to me and treat me as a family, wouldN't I tell you such a big thing?" ”
That's my relationship with my mother-in-law.
Since that fight, my mother-in-law and I have seen each other almost once a year.
It's the only way we can get along.
However, when Shanshan was 17 years old, her mother-in-law died of illness.
From the time the cancer was diagnosed to the time it was gone, it took less than a month.
That month, my husband and I were in the hospital.
Sadly, I usually feel that I don't share the same sky with my mother-in-law, but when I watched her fall ill suddenly, I suddenly felt how insignificant the things that had happened before were compared to life and death.
The saddest thing is that the mother-in-law's health is deteriorating, and when she dies, she regrets not her own life, but that she can't let go of her son and granddaughter.
Those days, the look in her eyes was humble and pleading.
She took my hand and said, "After that, Hong Tian (my husband's name) and Shanshan will be handed over to you..."
At that moment, endless regret overwhelmed the mountains.
I was in tears, but my mouth was comforting her: "Mom, don't pick a son, when you are discharged from the hospital, you will have to take care of them for another fifty years." ”
It was only at that moment that I asked myself many questions: Why did I not learn to argue between the lengths of my tongue until the countdown to her life?
Why didn't you understand earlier that in addition to the hard bar, you can also use jokes to resolve the machine front? Obviously, you can be a friend, but why have you always been an enemy?
Even if the mother-in-law has a thousand ways, why can't we tolerate it because we love the people we share?
In the end, my mother-in-law left, and she has since become a forbidden area between my husband and me.
Although our marriage is happy and harmonious, I know that it has regrets.
For so many years, the mother-in-law will be very silent for a few days before and after the day.
In a way that pretended to be forgotten, he went to the cemetery alone to worship.
I also pretended to forget, not to touch this minefield.
However, paper can never cover the fire, it is thunder, and there will always be a day when it will detonate.
However, I did not expect that the person who stepped on it was Shanshan.
Perhaps, God just wants to use this way to let me re-walk the road of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law again, to make up for that secret regret.
That day, I let Shanshan live at home, and for the first time, I told her every bit of the relationship between me and my mother-in-law without reservation.
Before, in her limited memory, she only knew that I rarely went to my grandmother's house.
When I honestly told her about the war between me and my grandmother, Shanshan was stunned.
For the first time, she knew that there was another side of her parents' world that she didn't know.
After saying this, I looked into Shanshan's eyes and asked her straightly, "Do you love stones?" ”
Shanshan nodded.
I said to her, "If you love stones, learn to tolerate his mother." Put away the glass heart, don't fight if you can be spoiled, don't make enemies if you can make friends, don't learn from your mother. All my experiences have come from lessons and regrets. ”
After that, Shanshan still calls.
However, it is no longer a simple complaint, but a report and a request for advice.
For example, the mother-in-law has the key to their house, always comes uninvited early in the morning, and after entering the door, whether they are still sleeping or not, they begin to clean up all kinds of Ding Ding Dang.
She said, "Mom, you know what? Sometimes, I wear very little clothes at home, and as soon as I walk out of the bedroom, the stone mother is there, so embarrassed, obviously it is my own home, but like a thief. ”
I first told Shanshan that my mother-in-law's heart was good.
Then tell her that there is actually a trick: "Every time before going to your mother-in-law's house, you make a phone call, and you say something like, 'Mom, I'm going to your house with the stone and telling you.' And, even though you have the key, if you go, you still have to knock on the door, and if you do things first, there are boundaries, and your mother-in-law will naturally understand." ”
This trick really works.
Although every time Shanshan went to the door to call and knock on the door, her mother-in-law would say, "Do you need your own family?" ”
However, after a long time, the mother-in-law no longer came uninvited, and every time she went to the son's and daughter-in-law's house, she also learned to say hello in advance.
Although this is a small thing, it is actually to let each other know how to respect each other's boundaries, although they are close.
Of course, with my experience, Shanshan will more and more sell in front of her mother-in-law.
In the past, in order to prevent the stone from becoming a mother-in-law, to prevent the mother-in-law from interfering too much in their internal affairs, and to make the stone become a giant baby, she was especially willing to support the stone in front of her mother-in-law to do this and that.
Moreover, in order to declare sovereignty, the tone is imperative.
But now, in front of her mother-in-law, she has learned to change the "prayer sentence" to "movable sentence": "Mom, can I ask your son to help cut an apple?" "Can you help your son mop the floor?"
Then, the stone housework was also done, and Shanshan was lazy and stole, and it also made the mother-in-law very happy, and everyone was very happy.
Especially Shi, seeing that Shanshan and her mother get along so well, she is happy to make cattle and horses at home.
And Shanshan also tasted the sweetness, and had her own mother-in-law and daughter-in-law golden sentence: "But anyone who can sell well can get cheap." "If you can fight wisdom, don't fight bravely."
Especially after Shanshan has a child, the mother-in-law has to take the baby and do housework, which is really hard.
However, Shanshan had sugar-coated shells.
Every day after work, she takes the initiative to take over the child with the stone, what "Mom you are hard", "Wait until your granddaughter grows up, makes money, buys you good food and clothes every day", and so on, open your mouth and come.
If there is any unpleasantness between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, Shanshan will not hide it and let it be overnight, but take the initiative to find her mother-in-law: "Mom, I feel a little uncomfortable in my heart about this matter, let's resolve it." ”
How much right and wrong can be done in housework.
As soon as such words are said, in fact, the contradiction has been resolved for the most part.
I have seen Shanshan change from a sister-in-law of mother-in-law relationship to a vested interest today.
Every time I went to their house to see my granddaughter, Shanshan's mother-in-law would say to me: "Mother, thank you for raising Shanshan such a small cotton jacket, sweet and interesting, I don't know how many people envy our mother and mother for getting along so happily." ”
And the stone, he felt that his wife had wisdom and pattern.
Shanshan became the favorite of the whole family.
To be honest, I was really envious of Shanshan and her mother-in-law.
Shanshan said to me, "Mom, my mother-in-law and I can live like this today, thanks to you." ”
Hearing this, I was relieved and sorry.
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are the thickener of the husband and wife's feelings, the creation of a relative for themselves, and the doubling of the blessings of the Buddhist family.
It is a pity that at that time, I was angry and did not know how to detour.
Now I don't have a chance...
Come to think of it, it was a pity back then.