In the cold room in the south in January, selina arrived on time at a tea house and turned the air conditioner in the private room down. She is prone to heat, and after an accidental injury on the set in 2010, the skin on her legs came from a scalp transplant, because there is no sweat hair and it is not easy to sweat, she is more sensitive to heat than the average person. The mask is taken off, there is some uneven skin on the chin, and it is difficult not to pay attention at a distance from a table. Fortunately, she loves to laugh, and she describes her laughter as a giant silver bell, coming and going, the distance is closer, and it also soothes the urgent gaze.
On December 31, 2021, Selina released her new song "The Road to Beauty I Want to Decide Myself", she asked a question, what is the so-called beauty? On the other side, her eyes are like almonds, but they do not cover up the traces of sagging tails, she is 40 years old, and her chin is more rounded, which seems to be a kind of rebellion in the showbiz circle of general appearance anxiety. Beauty is a kind of power, and the biggest lesson of female celebrities is to withstand 360 degrees of public scrutiny. She didn't seem to care.
These uncompetitiveness about beauty can be found in many places. A photo of a horizontal slope on the beach, the limbs are not slender. Running marathon netizens photographed her double chin, she put herself on Weibo, what? You have more ugly photos?! Sister is not afraid. I laughed at myself, is it reasonable to be so fat after running for two years?
She loved beauty since she was a child, and when she was a child, she always put a mirror in front of her desk, which was always confiscated by the teacher. At the end of the semester, when the teacher returned the confiscated things, she always received a box of mirrors. She was beautiful, well-behaved, good grades, is the template of mainstream girls, sophomore to participate in the "Universe 2000 Strength Beauty Girl Battle" competition to come out on top, she has never learned to sing, do not understand what is Dantian, pitch, but has a good voice and feelings about music, was signed to become S · H· One member of the E combination. Looking back 20 years ago, you wouldn't have thought about it. Although self-confidence, do not understand what is called self-confidence, you will not study yourself from the heart, to see your own heart, too young, that head, just thinking that I don't want to study, want to eat something, talk about love.
After the injury, she has been repeating a proposition for ten years, constantly suffering from some things, what I have to lose, I have to face this problem, to try to overcome, to face that essence.
Burns almost lost her life, beauty, fame, and action were damaged; after ten years, when she felt that the subject was almost the same, she lost her lover, and divorce was also a big loss for me; almost stood up a little, and lost Pinky, a puppy who had been with her for 15 years two years ago; and then, she lost her voice, which was another big blow.
Finding that he could not control his voice, it was in 2018 when he was preparing his second solo album, S· H· At the 17th anniversary concert of E's debut, she apologized for not hearing her truest voice. She went to the hospital for a check-up and couldn't find a problem. If you listen to Selina's voice 20 years ago, it is a delicate voice with a baby's voice. Switching to this album of 2021, just spit out the first note, you will think of a mature woman who is stable.
Faced with a series of trials of loss, Selina explores more inwardly, always trying to understand herself, and then likes herself more and more every day. I've been doing this.
In the first few years after her injury, there was a time when she felt responsible for telling people who had the same experiences as her, and to be their life coach. Soon she found that my life was moving forward, for example, now talking about injuries, it was ten years ago, and now I can't be a mentor to these people? I would also be afraid of what to do.
But she found that she still loved to dream as much as before, and had the ability to pursue her dreams. She is fascinated by photography, camping, flower arrangement, cooking, which for many people is a small blessing in life, but for her, it is a real healing. There is no need to shed tears anymore, these concrete lives are equally inspiring.
Here's what Selina has to say:
Wen | Gong Jingqi
Editor| Yao Lu
Image| Selina Weibo
There is more to beauty than one
Because of the epidemic, the pace of life and work has been disrupted, and the whole person has a little anxiety. The first song I wrote was a year ago, "The Road to Beauty I Want to Decide Myself", and at that time I would like to say what is the so-called beauty? I felt that I had not stopped pursuing beauty, but I also found that my definition seemed to be a little different from the definition of the world, and this feeling was becoming more and more obvious.
The social atmosphere was very disturbing, but during that time, I found my own favorite pace of life, began to learn a lot of things that interested me, cooking, camping, and eating non-stop.
People around me will remind me, are you going to maintain your state? Because the amount of work at that time has suddenly decreased, will it be too comfortable? You look like you've been eating a lot lately, like this. This has always been the case. When I entered the show business circle, I was the thinnest, and my debut was more than 90 pounds, but at that time, I directly received requests from the company, saying that female stars were going to be very thin and thin. In fact, at that time, I thought like this, you want to sign a contract with me, and I am not begging you to sign a contract with me (laughs), so why do you want to say to me, your face is very round.
I am a very unlucky person, and my physique is like this. I want to be thin, there is no place to lose weight in the whole body, I will lose weight to the face, I will first fat face like this. Many people's figures are like this, they care most about the point, such as caring that their arms are very thick, they must be thin, they will be thin to the arms, and they may be fat first.
Last year, I was surrounded by these voices, and I became very unhappy. I was in a very happy state. Although the work has decreased, I am actually a little bit of fun and can do a lot of my own things. When I am very happy, I am constantly reminded by the world that the reality is like this. The staff around me said that they were going to lose weight.
When I write lyrics, I think about this melody, what I want to express, is a kind of worry, and now it is popular for a look. I'm not against plastic surgery either, I just feel as if it's becoming very simple and easy. But that's a big deal for me. In the past, there were also classmates around me who said breast augmentation, talked about it for many years, and now I am 40 years old and still talking, and I have not yet gone to long, after all, it is an invasive change. You can change your appearance at will, it's a road of no return. You have a most balanced ratio of your face, which is the advantage for everyone. Once adjusted, the proportion is not right, how to look at it will not feel good, has opened the eyes or get a double eyelid, the nose is not enough, the nose pad is a little higher, as if the three-dimensionality of the face is not right.
When an aesthetic direction becomes a pursuit or a fad, I feel terrible. Because it's you who changes. I also found that my mother has recently loved to take pictures, and the person who uses filters the most in my family is my mother, who is sixty or seventy years old this year, and this filter makes a woman feel excited. But every time I watch it, I think it's a little too exaggerated? Just look younger than me.
We're all used to looking at filters now, and it's weird to take them off. There must be a filter for sending photos, but when you come home, you look in the mirror, there is no filter, you have to face your true self, do you dare to see? Is it because you feel disgusted when you see yourself in the mirror?
I still have a set of principles for making myself comfortable. Before I recorded a show with other stars, I learned that they didn't remove their makeup, how did they do it? It's too powerful, because I can't help myself, once I go out or put on makeup, I come home and want to quickly remove it, not that I am a person who pays attention to skin care, I am not, but when I come home, I have to present myself as cleanly as possible. I will definitely change out of that outfit, change into my own house clothes, and may not be very delicate to apply a mask, but I am willing to return to myself.
The beauty of female stars
The face of a female star should live in a 360-degree world, and beauty is also a kind of power, which is such a state in the show business circle. But I don't seem to be so conquering in this area, I want all eyes to be here.
That day I also said that many people care about some fine lines and spots on the face, I found that I really did not care very much, I want to say why? I still have a lot of scars on my body, if I really care about these scars, then how do I live? Maybe that repair surgery has not been completed until now.
It is no longer within my mind, if I have a pimple on my face, I still have to cover it if I want to meet people when I go out. But I had a pimple, a spot on my face, and if I wanted to get rid of it, I wouldn't. I am very envious of people's skin is very good, blow bomb can be broken, no pores, flat, smooth, but also think you are so good, but do I want? I don't think it's okay, I don't feel like I have to pursue this look.
There has been a new vision of the pursuit of beauty, accepting the existence of these things in me. When talking to people, they will not take special care of you because you are particularly good-looking.
Will someone else's gaze or excessive attention feel uncomfortable? Super no. When I was injured, my mother told me a word, she felt that we are all skin bags, you don't bring them with you, you can't take them away when you die, so she thinks I was hurt just this skin bag, I think it doesn't matter, people will be old. Then I thought yes, you see the wrinkles on my hands (showing the wounded scars), I am the first body to grow old, you may be 50 or 60 years old, I am afraid that I am more wrinkled than I am, because my scar must have stopped here. It's possible that I just lived a few lifetimes ahead of me, condensing ten lifetimes of experience in one lifetime.
Makeup gives you a steady confidence and strength. But when I'm performing, it's funny to say, I feel like I'm glowing, and good clothes and makeup and hair are just auxiliaries to me. I didn't think that smearing any big red lips would calm the whole place, nor did I want to calm the whole place, I just knew that I was glowing, and that was enough.
Now most of them wear masks when they go out, but they can actually wear no makeup. There was a feeling of relief and good fun (laughs).
2009 S.H.E Love for a Concert in Selina Image Source Visual China
lose
My current job is all my favorite job, after all, there is a lot of room for choice. I'm not going to do things that I really can't do.
For example, now I will not go to the concert, if you now insist on telling me, no, you must have a concert, it will be very helpful to you, that is forcing me, because I just can't do it.
The first one I have now personally is not so much, and I feel that on the road of singing, I am still exploring. Now the singing is still a little bit behind the familiar me, and I have not yet reached a very stable level. Go into the studio and sing, and I feel like I can because it's safe. But you let me sing live, you must have more than enough energy in singing, in order to be able to control the whole audience. I'm now as stable and confident about singing as I used to be.
Singing before it's like breathing. But when I was preparing for a concert a few years ago, the sound seemed to be a little out of the blue. I have always experienced the same state in my life, and once I thought about it, this is either a subject that I have never come out of, or I am constantly suffering from some things that make me lose something, and I have to face this problem squarely, to try to overcome it, to face that essence.
The first thing I was injured, I lost a lot, almost lost my life. Ten years have passed since this incident, and slowly when I feel that this subject is almost the same, I have lost my lover again, that is, divorced, which is also a big loss for me. Later, it seemed that he stood up a little and lost the dog that had been with him for 15 years two years ago. Again, I lost my voice, and this was another big blow.
What does it feel like to lose my voice? In fact, they are all very familiar feelings. It's as if what you had yesterday, it's just not there today, and I have no way to control my pitch. I imagined I sang it, but I couldn't sing it. The first time I had this feeling was injury, I was lying in bed strange, yesterday was fine, you can get out of bed, fingers can bend, the whole person is comfortable and healthy, how did it become like this now?
I didn't learn how to sing since I was a child, it was only natural that I could make such a sound, and even imitate any sound, maybe relying on a little talent. Talent can't teach people, I don't know what pitch is, I don't know where Dantian is, so when I lose, I have to ask another of my previous self, and I can't ask the answer.
Not being able to sing was a big blow to me a few years ago, and most importantly, it was actually a very important and biggest part of my acting work. The foundation of my acting career is built on this, and I know very well that this is my most important asset.
At that time, I really felt, wow, very broken, I even came home alone, did not listen to songs, did not sing, even when I was in the shower, hummed, did not hum, anyway, I opened my mouth to make a sound only speech.
Why avoid this, I will be very painful to lose my voice, and I can't find the answer, I can't figure it out, I see the doctor also said that there is no problem with the throat. Feel forget it, don't open your mouth to sing, there is a little sense of gambling, you know that this is a wound, keep poking it, this is impossible, you will not do this to yourself. This state of affairs probably lasts for half a year or a year. But in the middle of it, I still went to the teacher to take music lessons. Although I myself am very avoidant and do not sing at home, I am very rational and do not allow me to really completely escape.
S· H· At the 17th anniversary concert of E Group, Selina found her voice problematic image source Visual China
Find the sound
After a long period of anger, it seems to be calmer. Once wonderfully, a teacher who taught singing on the Internet said that he saw my news and wanted to help me, not necessarily looking for him for a lesson, just that he wanted to see me. At that time, I would also be a little afraid, showing a very real voice to others, even if you are a teacher, for me is still a stranger, but I don't know where the courage comes from.
That teacher he had an idea for me, and I thought it was very good. He said that in fact, everyone's life is likely to experience a voice change period, like the boy's voice change period may be in adolescence, he said that in fact, girls also have a more obvious voice change period.
His theory entered my mind and I began to think, yes, my vocal range has indeed changed, lower than before, maybe I can no longer sing as high as before, people at a certain age, the high pitch will slowly decline. Maybe my range has changed a lot.
I was thinking that it was true that I could sing lower than before, and the midrange part might be thicker than before, of course, the high-pitched part could not sing the previous one, so I felt that I was just a change in the range, but I could still sing. If that's the case, why should I resist? Why get angry? Because this is the change of my body, it is my own body, if I don't cherish it and don't like it, then who will like it, right?
Since then, I have a little bit of understanding the changes in my body, and in the past I framed myself and felt that I was Selina, the high-pitched bearer, used to it. In fact, like Ella, she also felt very difficult to sing for a while, because she was always reinforced to be bass, and after she gave birth to a child, she became a super high note, and she went to find a singing position on her own. Friends will also joke that if one day you have another concert, I will exchange with Ella. I said that's not bad either (laughs).
The people around me also gave me a great opportunity, that is, to persuade me to try it out and sing different songs. When I jumped out of such an idea and untied the so-called shackles on myself, I felt that it seemed to be quite good. My life is always to let myself have a new life to start, and then I began to sing the first song, the first cover of ice paper's "Heart Like Water", everyone thinks you (surprisingly) will sing like this, to my parents to listen to them also feel very different, very cool.
But I don't have to make singing my job, I mean, I don't have to continue to be a singer.
I don't need to put so much pressure on myself, I can sing today, which is a so-called loosening of my own shackles, because I know that this thing is a thing that makes me very happy. When I was performing, if I couldn't do the so-called performance, which was very comfortable, very comfortable, and very moving, I wouldn't force myself to do it. I can choose the state that makes me the safest and most at ease.
I later found out that writing songs has this advantage, that is, tailor-made, I write songs for myself, it must be in my own vocal range (laughs). I don't play it, I can't sing a melody, I use hum, sing this melody, as long as it comes out of my mouth, it must be the range of tones that I can control. There is no need to say that I have learned to compose, as long as you want to learn software (software) you can make your own music, everyone has a melody in their heart.
Explore yourself inward, always trying to understand yourself, and then like yourself more and more every day. I've been doing this and I hope you can do it too.
Selina was singing
Dad's gratitude
I grew up receiving a very traditional standard education, because I was the first child, the way of education before the projection of dad, grandpa and dad are both soldiers, both abide by iron discipline.
Being strictly guarded at home means being beaten, and staying in the apartment will be kicked out of the house by dad, kneeling in the stairwell of the apartment, crying and crying all the time, not knowing what heinous crime I have committed (laughs). Mom was a little bit better, but it was also pretty strict, because my mom was a teacher.
In the past, when he was injured, his father always mentioned gratitude and wanted to be a kind and decent person, in fact, this value that will affect his daughter a lot is a deeper thing. But in the most painful time, I feel that these two words are so harsh, how can I be grateful?
The understanding of the two words of gratitude will loosen and change in these years. The gratitude that my dad was able to do was already a gratitude that most people couldn't do. But my interpretation is deeper, because gratitude is something that is not just something to be said with the mouth. Like my dad said he thanked his enemies along the way, but when I looked again, he remembered how his colleagues sneered at him at work.
I think gratitude is something you have to understand why that person was sneering at the time. Maybe he himself is very unhappy, and in this way to make himself better. So why are you bothering with someone who is worse than you? This is letting go. My dad hasn't actually put it down yet, and I feel that this gratitude is just half a set.
Another voice behind dad's gratitude was probably after I was 35 years old. I was indeed influenced by my parents' education or ideas. But I felt like I wanted to purify it myself better, just like my interpretation of gratitude.
I longed for my parents to let me be myself when I was a child, and we may all be framed by what my parents gave you when I was a child, restrained by what society gave me, and framed by my former self. When people are born at the beginning, they are undefended, they have been cut by the knife once, and when they see the knife in the future, you will be careful, and when you experience things, you will be more and more cautious and will protect yourself. I myself was too timid before, I felt that I had reached a peak, and after passing through, until now, I can say that I am braver than any minute and second I have ever been before.
Looking back now, you can see that my parents really tried their best to give me the best at that time, and they didn't feel that they lacked life or that you lacked anything, so I think it was a sense of security and a love. This is really the most precious, very important foundation of my life, and that foundation is that I can feel now that nothing can easily hurt me.
Last year, before my birthday, I felt like I was going to be 40 years old, and I was much better than I was 35 years old, so much better (laughs). My thought was, I really don't feel like I'm living in vain. The incomprehension of 40-year-olds is a projection of the stress and fear that comes with aging and age, but in my opinion, the wrinkles on the face, the accumulated wealth, the things that the heart understands, the more these things are better.
I would also expect that 50 years old would be better than 40 years old. I must have experienced more things, more understanding of myself, and then more understanding of the love thing. For the world, more tolerance. If I really insist on saying that I have become wiser, that I am not humble (laughs).
Selina's family
You are free
I'm posting a song now, and I'm very happy, but I don't want to say whether the song is going to affect a lot of people, or whether its melody is in line with the law of dissemination. I think the staff around me should have thoughts, they will plan, of course, I hope that the song has better exposure, and more people can hear it.
Of course, I am not strong enough to say, I don't care about these things at all, of course I will care. But I don't care that much. It's a lot like a tongue twister, but when we do it, we try to be perfect. I've seen a lot of people rolling around in this circle, one harder than the other, one harder than the other, one more talented, but probably no news or opportunities, too much. Sometimes it suddenly hits the red, and it is not clear.
My real expectation is that people who like me and understand me also understand what I want to pass on. My own fans, these people are like my followers, but also my best friends, the most important pillar. As long as it is worthy of them. I think it's more like talking to them and telling them that this is who I am now, and I'm going to plan for this at this stage. I can't see each other all day, or I'm not as active as I used to be, but you can still get to know who I am now.
Not being as active doesn't make me feel anxious. A man asked me what I was working for now, and I said about three jobs and seven in life. The staff around me, of course, wanted the proportion of my work to be a little higher, and I said that I could adjust it a little higher, but the highest was to adjust to four.
In fact, my purpose is already very clear. I didn't want to create the peak of acting again, it seemed very negative, this is my real thoughts over the years. In fact, the epidemic is still very influential, and I have already had such a tune before the epidemic, just in line with it.
Was the decision easy? It's not easy, because I've got to figure it out for myself, and I'm going to make sure I say that I really think that way. I can't say I don't want to, I can't have ambitions, I just have to fully understand and digest myself before I can tell my trusted partner that my goal is like this.
There is no way to say when it started, because there are too many events that happen to me, and gradually it makes me feel that the most important thing for me is to live my life well, and the most important part of my life is definitely not my job.
In my twenties, I was really too busy to enjoy much of life and life. What I want more now is to enjoy life, to enjoy everything I want to do, and I explore several major sectors, camping, photography, golf, cooking, doing food companies, etc. The world is really big, there are a lot of things I can learn, spend a lot of time with people I care about, have a meal, cook dinner together, meet together to enjoy the flowers or go camping. That's the day I'd rather have.
How do I think I like to camp or play golf? I don't know if I have to try it. It's like I played golf for a while, and I don't play now because I don't think I'm talented. Recently I went to learn to ski, a while ago I went to Changbai Mountain, and I didn't feel talented when I came back from skiing (laughs). Go see if there's fun in this thing, and if you have fun, keep doing it.
Now I make up the dream of my childhood, I used to like the sound of the viola, this time "The Road to the Beauty I want to decide by myself", we have added a string band, when recording, on a whim, I may really learn. There are so many instruments in this world, you have so many to try, and it doesn't matter if you don't succeed after a round. Because no one is going to criticize you, right? When I was a child, there was a little pressure to learn talent, because you spent your parents' money, you can't give up halfway, you at least give me a performance, when my uncle and aunt come to play me a song or something. But now, I want to give up halfway, I'll give up halfway.
I mean, you're very free, and the choices are all things you like. Then you go and enjoy it, and the process gets all yours.
Cover of "The Road to Beauty I Want to Decide Myself"
If you don't die, you will be blessed
When I was injured, I heard that the survival rate was 46%, but I never thought it was life or death, and I thought it was pretty cool (laughs).
At that time, I didn't understand why I was so careful to be treated by everyone, living in an isolated ward, with my hair covered, my hands and feet, clothes covered, wearing a mask, and all my belongings had to be disinfected every day. At that time, there was a pillow, and it had to go into a boiler every day, and it was baked whole with steam, and it was very hot. I also want to say why every time I have to go into the boiler, isn't it around me every day? I didn't know until I was discharged from the hospital that if I wasn't treated like this, I might really not even die. If you look at it now, it may be the closest time to death, when a person really has to face death, he will not feel that he wants to die, so it is not terrible.
Do you often think about the question of death? No, like they're talking about the world where people should be afraid of death, I just want to say, in fact, you haven't died, you don't know. Suppose one day when you are old, seventy or eighty years old, you will stay until then and be afraid again, and it is too early to be afraid.
My habit is to care about what I am alive now. For example, what am I worried about today, because of what things are angry? Why are there these emotions? Get to know yourself better through these and don't bring these emotions to sleep every day. I don't dare to say that I am one body and mind, I like this state of myself now, and I enjoy it very much.
Some people have always said that if you don't die, you will be blessed. My understanding a few years ago was that after the big difficulty does not die, there will be a big luck, what to do one to ten, mahjong often wins, easy to be happy and so on. But in the back, it seems that it is not, that is, after you have experienced such a painful thing, your definition and standard of blessing have been lowered very, very low, and some easy small things, small progress or touching can make you feel very blessed, and that blessing should be closer to the blessing of happiness, not more lucky.
Lost and regained, life has another heavy feeling, discharged from the hospital and returned home to rehabilitation, the most important thing to do is not to come back to work, nor to eat and drink, but some very simple small things. When I got up, I was able to just get out of bed and brush my teeth and wash my face. Go out the door to feed the puppy and check its peeing. Even if you just go to Peace Park and ride a bicycle, you are very happy, how is the moon so beautiful today? I became very satisfied. The eyes and heart, completely open. Bliss is easy to see in the eyes of happiness.