"Atmospheric" love and common growth are what contemporary love should look like

College students in love are whispering. Profile picture

Two people in love, in addition to living a "small life", should also follow the development of the times together, so that their love presents distinct characteristics of the times, so as to continuously obtain a sense of value, to obtain a sense of commonality between the two people, which is what love should look like in today's era.

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"Love is actually a strategic thing in life";

"In the face of love, think about it a lot, and it will be overgrown with weeds";

"It's getting harder and harder to fall in love now, mainly because men don't adapt to the increasingly strong modern women";

……

Not long ago, Liang Yong'an, who contributed a series of new philosophies of love, caught fire on social media. He is not only a professor of the Department of Chinese of Fudan University, but also a popular UP master of social media, this dual identity makes Liang Yongan's love video class have both traffic and point of view.

Talking about the research and insights on the proposition of "love", Liang Yongan said, "The problem of love is the place where people's cultural contradictions and conceptual contradictions are most concentrated in today's society", and this problem also makes today's young people "under a lot of pressure".

Due to the quotation of the side, the frequent appearance of golden sentences, the full score of empathy... Liang Yong'an's love video lesson was quickly played more than 10 million times. Young netizens used the screen full of "bullet screens" to cheer the scene, and the "bullet screens" were also filled with the current youth's yearning, hesitation, entanglement and escape for "love".

Although "in such an era, we still have to pursue love", but for contemporary youth, especially college students, Liang Yongan suggested, "The most urgent thing is not to encourage young people to fall in love, but to press the pause button of love for them, so that they can independently precipitate and grow, so that they can meet the right people, face and create the world together." ”

Times change to deepen the love puzzle

In 2017, Liang Yongan was invited by the "One Seat" program to give a lecture on "How to Face Love in the Golden Age of Singleness" in Shenzhen, and the strong response made him aware that "there are so many single men and women in this era". After that, he was invited to give 6 love lessons, thus starting his own love class practice, using "love" as the starting point to explore the plight and social problems of contemporary youth.

In Liang Yongan's view, the love problem involves two people, which will make the family, region, work, social relations, living conditions and other related issues involved in the two sides "1+1>2". From this point of view, "the discussion of love is very valuable and is the best measurement point for observing a new generation of young people." ”

Liang Yong'an has repeatedly responded to the problem of contemporary youth's "difficulty in love" in his love class. He believes that the mobility and urbanization of today's era make the time and space span faced by young people very large, "Today's society is developing and expanding rapidly, to learn and understand the world, everyone has too many things to learn, everyone has become childlike, life is very limited, so that some people have no time to fall in love." ”

Today's young college students are facing the double squeeze of the traditional value of marriage and love of "door to door" and the pursuit of personal independence and free development consciousness. In Liang Yongan's view, this is one of the main reasons for the general "difficulty of love" among contemporary young people, "Today's young people must not only develop themselves, but also establish a family step by step in the traditional rhythm, the two are not coordinated with each other, under pressure, some people simply do not fall in love and do not get married." ”

Among them, women will encounter special "difficulties". "Especially after some women finish their studies around the age of 25, workplace pressure and marriage and childbearing pressure come at the same time." In Liang Yongan's view, "25 to 30 years old should be the golden five years of academic achievements, suddenly encountered double pressure, easy to make some women resist the world and social environment around them." ”

Liang Yongan sees that today's all-round human development can be formed and realized in different pursuits, and "women's feelings and ability to create the world have been brought into play." "Based on this, the problem of love among contemporary youth is even more complicated." The quest for spiritual equality and consistency raised in Jane Eyre is even more prominent today. In his view, to achieve spiritual dialogue, it is not possible to achieve hard work, the more essential core is, "both sides can see the same kind of 'longing life' in the same world and in the same direction, and have the ability to create such a life together, this requirement is relatively high." ”

"In today's era, men's concept of love must evolve from tradition", Liang Yongan particularly emphasized, today, Chinese women are no longer limited to tradition, they also have high expectations for a better life and their own development. However, society's expectations of women are still traditional family roles, such as good wives and mothers, believing that the ultimate value of women is still "marrying well" and that high education is only a good dowry. "The mental journey of modern women, few boys can understand."

He suggested, "Boys must recognize the contemporary value of women, understand the deep expectations of women, and support women's free development, rather than just defining women in family roles." ”

Falling in love should be a very atmospheric thing

Although Liang Yongan believes that in today's era, love should not be rushed. But he made it clear that "in such an era, we still have to pursue love" and expressed the importance of love as "a strategic thing in life".

Now some people are more flippant about love. Liang Yongan once saw that the students he was in love with once one of them went abroad to study, and the other party did not go and then decisively broke up.

Recently, a news item appeared on the hot search: college students got divorced within 1 hour of getting a license.

These cases made Liang Yongan sigh: "Now people's ability to break up is far greater than the ability to love." He observed that many people now regard love as a technical thing and are keen to "calculate gains and losses." When chatting with him, a college student said: This person does a good job, I will give him extra points in my heart, and if I don't do a good job, I will give him a deduction.

"In the microscopic, the various daily trivialities in love are refined." Liang Yong'an commented on this phenomenon. But "falling in love should be a very atmospheric thing". He analyzed that many people can't talk about love because they think too little about love, that is, you invite me to dinner and I send you gifts. Although these subtle exchanges also have sweetness and are also the way lovers interact, they lack some "broadness".

"The love model of contemporary young college students is to live a small life, lacking a broader vision of civilization and a more creative way of life." Liang Yongan believes that the next five or ten years is a golden age for contemporary college students, and they can use the current big data, artificial intelligence and other new technologies to establish a Chinese new way of life in the accelerated process of urbanization, "such a way of life should not only focus on houses and money, but pay more attention to the composition of life structure, such as knowledge learning, art, travel and so on." ”

Liang Yongan believes that two people love each other, "in addition to living a small life, we should also follow the development of the times together, let their love show distinct characteristics of the times, so as to continuously gain a sense of value, and constantly gain a sense of commonality between the two people, which is what love should look like in today's era." ”

In order to meet with such love, he suggested that contemporary young people, especially college students, should establish two spiritual pursuits in the rapidly developing pluralistic era: one is to find the cause they love and strive for it, and the other is to find a lover to work with. Of the two, it is best to put "find a career you love and fight for it" in the first place.

He believes that the self-development of contemporary youth should first understand the world through learning and practice, and secondly, fully and truly understand themselves. Finally, we must love thousands of lives in the world and have a broader feeling. "Today's college students must give themselves time and space, constantly develop themselves, so that they have the ability to love and deserve to be loved, so that two people can illuminate each other, and such love can also have quality."

Insist on learning and growing in love and marriage

According to statistics, the number of marriage registrations in China has shown a continuous downward trend since 2013. It is worth noting that in 2018, the marriage rate in Shanghai was only 4.35 ‰. In the face of the continuous decline in the marriage rate and the gradual weakening of the local youth's concept of marriage, Liang Yongan said that the "post-90s" and "post-00s" have stronger personalities, absorb more diverse cultures in their growth process, and have higher requirements for their independent development, so the adaptability of men and women to each other is reduced. Liang Yongan believes that "today's young people have higher requirements for the spiritual connotation of love. As they get older and more involved in the world, they can determine what kind of married life they are suitable for, so many people will postpone the age of marriage. ”

At the same time, he believes that contemporary youth are more independent, have a broader understanding of life, and have more consideration for the two-person world. Therefore, the number of single young people also "shows that they are uncompromising and persistent in life", and the modern spirit embodied in them is worth exploring carefully.

"People who have a single belief are more likely to meet a soul mate." In the love video class, Liang Yongan's concept has also been recognized by many young netizens and college students. In the face of those anxious voices that are urged to marry and get rid of singles, Liang Yongan believes that for contemporary young people, especially college students, some anxiety has been advanced, "According to traditional concepts, 30 years old should get married and have children, but with the rapid development of society, people's maturity period comes late, so the rhythm becomes incongruous." ”

What is the basis for judging when to go from love to marriage? Liang Yong'an's answer is: to get married is to be willing. He shared with reporters the story of one of his schoolgirls, "She has been in love with her boyfriend for more than a decade, and she has not yet married at the age of 29, and she feels that she has not yet reached the point of being willing." After the female student got married, she told Liang Yong'an that she thought that marriage was the solution to her life problems, and only after marriage did she find that marriage was only the beginning of life problems. ”

This case also made Liang Yongan feel that marriage and love is a long learning process. "In the stage of love, we must learn to understand each other, and getting married and having children is a new step again and again."

In the face of young people who have been urged to get rid of singles and marriages, Liang Yongan suggested that young people must respect and understand this concern for their parents, but at the same time, he also said that young people can have their own considerations.

Liang Yongan said that contemporary youth "must have their own firm choices." The more determined you are, the clearer your choices are, and the more free and happy you will be in your life. ”

Source: China Women's Daily