1, yesterday the company arranged me to work overtime, when the night shift arrived home, I saw my wife standing in the corridor in pajamas to greet me, I felt warm in my heart, went forward to hug her and said painfully: "Baby, it's so late."

1, yesterday the company arranged me to work overtime, when the night shift arrived home, I saw my wife standing in the corridor in pajamas to greet me, I felt warm in my heart, went forward to hug her and said painfully: "Baby, are you still waiting for me so late?" The wife snorted and said, "Wait a fart, the old lady came out to take out the garbage, and accidentally locked herself outside."

My 2- and 6-year-old son doesn't like to take a bath by himself, and every time he calls me to wash him, I pretend not to hear it. On this day, the son came out after taking a bath and said: I really envy the Tang monks in the Journey to the West, and they don't have to take a bath by themselves. I asked: What do you mean? The son said: Every two episodes, a monster says that the little ones have washed the monk clean.

3) I like to buy lottery tickets, and every time my luck is good. Every time I win the first prize in a big lotto, I invite a few good brothers to sing and drink. They were all very enthusiastic, and some were responsible for giving me a slap in the face. Some were responsible for pinching my thighs with pliers, and some were responsible for pouring cold water on my head. I don't know what the reason is, they keep saying the same sentence: You wake up quickly!

4, my first high school love is getting married, they plan to post invitations at the classmate conference. I knew that I had spent a lot of money to rent a Bentley and drive over, and I thought that this would definitely make my first love regret that she did not choose to be with me in the first place. As a result, the whole class saw that I mixed so well, everyone picked expensive dishes to order, and ate more than 10,000 at the last meal for me to pay for!! Oh, self-inflicted...

5, the female thief went to Xiaoming's house to steal, stole 300 yuan, and left, and on Christmas Eve, the female thief returned and woke up Xiaoming who was asleep. Bob: "Who are you?" Female thief: "I am a female thief, I stole 300 pieces from you, and now I will return it to you, Xiaoming: "You have entered the wrong door, I have not thrown money!" Female thief: "You can't be a person with a conscience, my diamond ring was lost when I was stealing at home, you should return it to me quickly, otherwise I will call the police." ”

6, there is a female thief to the big strong house to steal, stole 300 yuan, went away, that night the female thief returned, woke up the sleeping strong man. Da Zhuang: "Who are you?" Female thief: "I am a female thief, I stole 300 pieces from you, and now I give it back to Da Zhuang: "You have entered the wrong door, I have not thrown money!" The female thief: "'You can't be a person with a conscience, my diamond ring was lost when I was stealing at home, you should give it back to me quickly, otherwise I will call the police!!!!!

7, last night after work home, just entered the door female neighbor suddenly rushed into my arms, I am confused! She said coquettishly, "Your wife is not at home, I am so scared!" The man's intuition told me that there was deception, I swallowed the saliva, pushed the female neighbor away, and said very firmly: "What are you doing here?" Want me to be sorry for my wife? No way! You let me loose! "This is not only three hundred more pocket money per month, small sample, play with me, it is still far from it!"

8, the old man sent half a pig to the matchmaker, and the matchmaker finally agreed to find a partner for the brother-in-law again. During the blind date, the girl opposite asked the brother-in-law: "What do you have?" The brother-in-law said: "I have a mansion, I have a luxury car, I have a ticket, I have a high position, I have..." The girl had no choice but to interrupt her brother-in-law and ask, "Why don't you just say you're nothing?" The brother-in-law thought for a moment: "I really don't know, but others say I don't tell the truth!" ”

9, I carried her to the house, got some food for her, she began to say: "I have failed, the money is definitely not given at present, can you take care of the housework here, which means that this is how to pay off the debt." Am I the one who lacks objects? What I lack is my tens of thousands of dollars, this woman can't ask for it, she must be trying to covet my beauty, is it also guilty to be handsome?

10. Final exam. What is the 100th power of 1? I took the scratch paper and multiplied it over and over again, and when I got to the 83rd time, the math teacher came over. Standing behind me and watching me tirelessly and repeatedly calculate 1 by 1 to see that I was done, he walked quickly to the podium and said, "Students, there is a problem that is wrong, now correct it, the 100th power of the 1 fill-in-the-blank problem, now please change it to the 1th power of 1000." ”

11, I went to the store with my husband yesterday to buy some fried chicken legs and Coke, etc., and finally we packed up and went to the beach to play, sitting on the beach, when we were eating happily, suddenly I saw a little girl standing opposite me looking at us with interest. I went up to her and asked, "Little sister, do you want something to eat?" Little girl: Thank you aunt, I don't want to eat, I am very strange, aunt you eat this picture, how did you find your husband?

12, after layers of siege, I finally saw the "core" - friends, the next time you buy mooncakes do not bring packaging, just the top layer on the line! Throwing garbage trouble, the downstairs garbage can is already nervous, we also keep throwing boxes, too bad 👎!

13. After graduating from college, the school assigned me a job. Later, the family found me a better job, and I planned to quit, which had nothing to do with the company. When I signed, the manager and the group leader gave me a conversation, half an hour of various conversations and various persuasions, hoping that I would stay. Finally I felt like I was about to be persuaded to say, "To be honest, I actually think the salary is too low." The scene suddenly became awkward, and the manager said to the group leader leisurely: "Give him approval!" ”

14, the friend handed his mobile phone to the brother-in-law, the brother-in-law: what do you mean? Friend: I owe you 3,000 yuan, when I borrowed it, I said that if I don't have money to pay it back, I will give you my mobile phone to settle the account. My mobile phone original price of more than 5,000, just give it to you! Brother-in-law: Roll! Sick! You take a Nokia from ten years ago to my 3,000 pieces, you are still human!