1, the girlfriend is relatively pure, acquaintance for a year also stopped at kissing, and finally once drank too much, lived together. When she woke up the next day, she looked at the tissues on the floor and angrily punched me in the chest: "

1, the girlfriend is relatively pure, acquaintance for a year also stopped at kissing, and finally once drank too much, lived together. When she woke up the next day, she looked at the tissues on the floor and punched me in the chest angrily: "Have you considered my feelings?" My first time was gone, why didn't you wake me up? "Sleeper, should I tell her that last night she rolled up the quilt by herself, I can't pull it, I'm cold and runny nose, only to use so many tissues??"

2. Today my bank card accidentally fell on the ground. After seeing it, the colleague asked: Do you still have money? Is there a 6-digit number? Me: So old, don't you save money? It has to be six figures. Colleague: Wow, is there really six figures? Awesome! Me: What's the point? It's not set to six digits, and it doesn't let you pass. The colleague looked contemptuous: The six digits you said is the password?

3. It will soon be the twentieth birthday of the newlywed wife of the local tycoon, and he has wrapped up the entire five-star hotel in order to surprise his wife. When the two of them ate candlelight dinner, the local tycoon said to his wife, "Honey, if one day I am gone, how will you feel?" The wife said, "It's like this French fried foie gras without pepper." Local tycoon: "You mean that without me, your life would be boring?" Wife: "No, I mean I'll go buy another pack of pepper." ”?

4, in recent days, the daughter-in-law is always fine to find things, when eating at night, the daughter-in-law said: The sweet and sour ribs I made are very delicious, do you dare to move? I replied: Moved, moved. The daughter-in-law slapped her face: Knowing that this is my favorite, do you dare to move? When watching TV after dinner, daughter-in-law: Are you moved? I thought about it and said: don't dare to move. The daughter-in-law slapped her face: Such a moving scene, you are not moved? Me: Fight if you want, don't make so many excuses.?

5. When I first got married, my wife and I discussed getting a bank card. Each person deposited five hundred yuan a month, I held the card, she knew the password, no one could spend it. No one knows how much money is in it, and after death, give the children a surprise! After two years of marriage, I found out that she had tied the card to the V-letter and tied it to another shopping site. Finally I checked, and Kari still had a few bucks...

6. I took my 6-year-old son back to the countryside to celebrate my father's 80th birthday. After the son arrived home, the brother went to the toilet for a while. A minute later, my son came up to me and said, "There are a lot of ants in the toilet!" I suddenly remembered that the word "ant" had just been learned. If you want to test your son's memory, you will say, "What do you say about the ants?" The son shook his head: "Ant... The ants didn't say anything! ”

7. My good friend from junior high school suddenly contacted me with a V letter and asked me when I was on vacation. I said that I was not fake, and sincerely invited her back: "Come back in August, I invite you to eat delicious kebabs, I have been thinking about it for a long time!" Friend: "Can't go back!" Me: "What?" You can't take a vacation, can you? Friend: "I'm confinement for eight months." ”...... Didn't you just throw me a red bomb!

8, college roommate's birthday, I prepared a brand-name bag for her, spent 3,000 yuan! She sent a place for me to go over to eat, and when I arrived it turned out to be a cafeteria! I thought it was wrong, and my roommate confirmed that it was this restaurant, and there was a promotional sign at the door: 59 people, ten people free of a single person! After I went in, my roommate smiled and said to me: You finally came, ten people will send you, please eat a free dinner, happy not??

9, Dad borrowed 2 million online loans to speculate in stocks, and finally lost all the money. Dad sold the house and car to pay off the debt, and we moved back to our old village in the countryside. At that time, my family was particularly poor and could not afford to pay the tuition, and the teacher urged me to pay the tuition several times. Once again, I talked to my dad about paying tuition. My father asked me to bring a message to the class teacher, saying that the millet was sold in the autumn and that the money owed to the school was paid at once! The next day, the class teacher asked me about the tuition fee, and I tried to recall my father's words yesterday, saying: "My father said, you wait, he wants to find you to settle the account after the autumn!" "From then on, the homeroom teacher had to carry a baseball bat with him wherever he went!

10, my mother strongly arranged a blind date for me, and the girl on the blind date today is a lady with a good temperament. Unexpectedly, like other girls, she asked me if I had a car or a house? I honestly said no, thinking that this time it must be yellow again. Unexpectedly, she said she was a little sleepy and asked me to send her home. My surname is Fen, because my spring is coming, so I sent her home. As I passed by her neighbor's house, the neighbor's dog kept barking at me. She said suddenly: You go, we are impossible. I asked doubtfully: Why? She said: "Because our neighbor's dog doesn't like you."

11, go to buy egg cake, the boss just made a good one, come to a beautiful woman, not to say that this egg cake is hers. Me: "Beauty, I came first, this is mine, the next one is yours!" Beauty: "I came early, but I went next door and bought a cup of soy milk!" Boss, I give you 15 bucks and this egg filler for me! "I'm angry: "Boss, this is 50 pieces, don't say anything, this egg filling cake for me!" The boss smiled and gave me the egg cake, and I turned my head and left. Without taking two steps, I only listened to the beautiful woman say to the boss: "Dad, I said that with my method, an egg cake sells for 50 pieces, it is not a problem." ”?

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #