1, a couple snuggled in the park, the man saw that the woman's hair was very soft, he couldn't help but sneak a little, the woman said: "Oops! Nasty! The man listened to the heart more

1, a couple snuggled in the park, the man saw that the woman's hair was very soft, he couldn't help but sneak a little, the woman said: "Oops! Nasty! The man listened to the heart more itchy, so he sneaked a little, and the woman said: "Don't do it ~" The man's heart will fly up when he hears it, and he touches it again. Who knew that the woman suddenly stood up and said rudely, "Tell you not to touch it!" Don't touch it! Don't you understand people's words? The old lady's wig is about to fall off! ”

2. My father-in-law is a professor at a prestigious university and retired some time ago. He was idle at home all day and was very bored, so he often went to the river to fish. After catching fish, the father-in-law does not want to eat, so he will find a small pond to release. Once, when my father-in-law was being released, a young man came forward and advised, "Uncle, don't release this grass carp in the future!" You can release that tilapia! The father-in-law was very curious: "Is it difficult to release raw fish and be exquisite?" The young man nodded, "Of course, grass carp has a lot of spines, and my wife doesn't like to eat it!" ”

3, last night, I stayed in a small hotel, during the meal found that the dishes were not washed, I went to the boss to complain. The owner said very cheerfully: you can wash it with mineral water. I thought to myself, this dishwashing with mineral water, really high-grade. When I was going back a week later, one of the boss's dogs was reluctant to let me go. The boss said: Mineral water, you are naughty again, go back to the nest!

4. After being introduced by a matchmaker, I met a boy, and we met several times. Today we both went to the movies and both wore 3D glasses. I caught sight of it with the afterglow, and he was secretly texting: "Mom, tomorrow I'll take a girl home and let you see." On the farewell, I reminded him: "Is there any arrangement for tomorrow?" He replied, "I have something to do tomorrow, so I'll contact you the day after tomorrow." ”

5. This afternoon I went to the bank to withdraw money, took 16,000, and the result was that the staff gave me 17,000. I saw that the detector was showing 70 sheets, so I quickly said: take 1000 more! You're 7000! The staff thanked me profusely, and I said: No, anyway, I still have to return it when the time comes, I am still lazy to run more! Sneering in my heart: It's not so easy to frame me!

6, late at night, the ward is a little quiet. Suddenly, a patient broke the silence and asked: Man, how did your hand hurt? The cousin was stunned, looked back at him, and said: Don't mention it, I hit a tree while driving in my dream. The patient looked surprised and puzzled and asked: I go, can I be injured in my dream of driving? Cousin: Wake up from a tree crash and only to find I'm driving!

7, the boss's Buick crashed, put in the 4S shop for repair. I saw that this was a good time to pat myself on the back, and I drove him home after work. Halfway down the road, the owner asked me to go to the market and buy him a brine leg of lamb. After buying me, I carried the boss's briefcase in one hand, and then I came to greet the boss, and he looked at the leg of lamb I was holding and said: This dog leg is good. The boss nodded: Well, will be!! I said flatteringly: The boss is powerful, not only the management company is strong, but also the meat is bought well!! However, this is a brine leg of lamb not a dog leg. At this time, the boss's friend looked at him and smiled, and continued: This dog leg is good, good...

8, the female star liked Kuo Shao, desperately became better to chase him. Now I heard that Kuo Shao already had a good feeling for the female star, but the female star gave up. The friend of the female star was puzzled and asked the female star: Why? Female star: He has a buddy who has been targeting him for two years, often making small moves behind his back to humiliate him. Friend: Then you should accompany him to carry it together! Female star: I don't deserve him, but I deserve his buddy, this kind of slutty person should be the old woman to plague for a lifetime!

9. The mother-in-law died unfortunately during appendicitis surgery, and the hospital lost more than 600,000 yuan. After the father-in-law got the money, he immediately married a nurse who was 35 years younger than himself. After marriage, the father-in-law's salary was handed over to his wife every month. That time, his wife was on a business trip, and as a result, he didn't even have the money to eat, so he came to my house to rub rice. Me: "Dad, you don't even have the money to eat, why don't you ask your wife for it?" Father-in-law: "I wanted it, she punched it, I didn't pick it up." Me: "Why don't you take it?" Father-in-law: "She said, the password is the date of the day we first watched the movie, I..." I: "Well, needless to say, I understand!" Come, eat vegetables! ”

10, at night I was sleeping soundly, suddenly there was a knock at the door, I was wearing pajamas confused to open the door, is a female delivery man, she politely said: "Brother, this is the meal you ordered, I wish you a happy meal!" "I took it and saw that it was all bbq, and I took the beer out of the fridge and started eating it. Halfway through the meal, the woman knocked on the door again and said, "Brother, I'm sorry, it was sent wrong, it wasn't your meal!" "After saying that I saw that I was almost finished eating, I cried with a wow, and then I coaxed her, coaxed and coaxed to establish a relationship, and she did not pursue that meal.

11, I wanted to make a joke with my wife and slapped her ass. I didn't expect to shoot her, massage, hot compresses! None of them are good. The key is that the wife is angry, and it is not good to clear her shopping cart of more than 5,000 yuan. Go to the hospital for examination, the staff smiled and told me: "Boy, there is nothing wrong with your wife's ass, that is, the panties are small, Le!" ”

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #