Go to work and share a room with a girl, the girl is not very pretty, but the body maintenance is particularly good, every night after work to cook ask me to borrow salt, although it is not valuable, but the time is long

Go to work and a girl to share a house, the girl is not very pretty, but the body maintenance is particularly good, every night after work to cook ask me to borrow salt, although it is not valuable, but for a long time I also annoyed her, I said: "Why don't you buy it yourself"? "No money," she said. I couldn't afford two pieces of salt, and I said, "Then you might as well eat with me." The shared girl was very happy and took the initiative to cook for me to eat on the same day. After three days I wouldn't let her cook for me, because I found out that she liked to lie, and she told me that she didn't have any money, but I found that she earned 100,000 yuan a month, two apartments, and a car. She said that lying was to talk to me, but I think the most important thing for people is to be honest, and I value the heart of gold, not money.

2. My wife wanted to go shopping with my girlfriend today and said that she wanted to buy a new dress, and I transferred 20,000 to her. As a result, I didn't expect my girlfriend to have something to do, she had to pull me, and after 4 hours of walking, I felt that my legs were not my own. Finally stopped at a clothing store, my ass was not next to the plastic chair, the salesman pulled the corner of my clothes and said: Handsome man, you still go to the VIP room to sit down! I said incomprehensibly: How do you see that I am rich? The saleswoman sister explained with a smile: The chairs in the VIP room are all solid wood and strong!

3. The wife goes out to work after breakfast in the morning, and she has to leave with her bag on her back. As a result, when I took out the key, I took 100 yuan out of my pocket and fell to the ground, and after she left, I picked it up and kept it for myself, and I was stealing pleasure in my heart. I was watching TV at noon when my wife suddenly called me and asked me to pay my utility bills. In the afternoon, my wife came home from work, and I took the receipt to ask her for reimbursement, but she only gave me 15 yuan! I said, "I've paid a lot of utility bills, why do you only reimburse me for such a little?" The wife said: "The utility bill is 215 yuan in total, you picked up 200 yuan for me in the morning, don't think I don't know!" ”

4. My wife worked as a temporary worker in an electronics factory because the benefits were not good. She was idle at home all day, idle out of depression, so I invested in her and opened a stationery store in the community. Before I went to work this morning, I went to help my wife sell goods. A young couple bought painting materials for their children, the woman took her mobile phone, read the V letter sent by the class teacher, asked for gouache, I went to get it, and then I asked for a scraper, I went to get it again, and I wanted a paint box. I was a little angry and said, "Can you finish it all at once?" The man helped and said to his wife: Yes, you walk the monkeys? I......

5. After watching the movie and taking the bus home with my boyfriend, I sat and my boyfriend stood next to me. I asked him to find a seat to sit down, and he refused: Honey, aren't you sleepy and want to sleep? You'll sleep on my back!" I was touched to snuggle up to my boyfriend, just when I was about to fall asleep, suddenly I had no one to rely on, and suddenly fell to the ground! I looked up and saw him walking backwards and staring intently at a beautiful woman in a short suspender skirt in the back row...

6. Dude became the regional manager of Zhongtong Express and invited me to Quanjude for drinking in the evening. After drinking and eating, the two of us walked home backwards and forwards, discussing our wives. The buddy said, "I beat her to death and didn't believe that women could keep secrets, and a week ago, I just told her a little secret, and she passed it on to me." I said, "Not necessarily, sometimes they can still keep secrets, like my wife, we have been married for 20 years, I don't know where she hid my salary." ”

7. Our small city finally opened a haidilao, and last night took the goddess of crush to Haidilao to eat hot pot. Accidentally broke a plate, the waiter said: "Sir, this is going to pay 10 yuan!" After eating, I walked to the front desk and said, "If you break a plate, the waiter will let you lose 10 yuan." The front desk was stunned for a while, took out 10 yuan and said: "Sir, I'm really sorry, this is the 10 yuan that compensates you, please put it away!" "I go, what is this IQ?" Is there a problem with my language skills?

8. After getting engaged to your girlfriend, go to the studio to take wedding photos. The photographer was a hairy boy, and after my girlfriend and I posed, he used the camera for half a day, showing an expression of dissatisfaction. My girlfriend and I readjusted our posture a bit, but he did. I asked the photographer, "Have a question?" He said, "Your girlfriend has too many pleats!" The girlfriend was immediately enraged: "Will you talk?" I'm so young, what a pleat! At this time, the photographer was confused and quickly explained to my girlfriend: "Slip of the tongue! Pure slip of the tongue! I'm not saying you have too many pleats on your face, I'm saying you have too many pleats in this skirt. ”

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #