Tears stick to the wet pillow, a person in this cold night thinking about sleep, books can not read, the heart is particularly impetuous, all kinds of past events gushed into the heart. When I came home for the New Year, my brother was unhappy, my sister-in-law didn't talk, my father was in the room all day, he never came out to chat with us, he didn't do housework, my mother had to do everything, and I would help to do it together. When I was idle, I roasted the fire with my big brother and sister-in-law, didn't talk the whole time, or I asked what they answered, they all played with their mobile phones, as if our family had nothing to talk about, and it seemed that coming back for the New Year had become an obligation, not an expectation. Not to mention the younger brother, every year he came back to the room, rarely roasted with us, occasionally went out to drink, came home and fell asleep, got up at noon the next day to take a shower and continued to nest in the room, did not see him for a year, and he was angry when he said two words to him, so I rarely talked to him.
Now that I think about it, I am very afraid and tired of the New Year atmosphere at home, every New Year I don't want to go back, but the city is not far from home, do not go back to be said, and afraid that a person can not bear the heartache of the New Year outside, so finally chose to go home for the New Year. In our family, there are very few brothers and sisters, there are two cousins, a cousin, but the two cousins do not go back to their hometown after they are older, and my cousin returns almost every year. Because our family is too small, there is no atmosphere for the New Year, coupled with the various personalities of the family, I feel particularly tired every New Year. Ben thought that he had depression and went home to be cured for a short time, but he did not expect that not only did not improve, but it made worse. For example, at the dinner table, a few of us eat, and there is a small child in the family. Only the sound of my interaction with the child, the old mother is responsible for feeding, naturally does not say anything, the old father speaks ugly, and confused, he said a few words and no one answered him. My brother doesn't talk, my brother doesn't talk, my sister-in-law doesn't talk, only the sound of my interaction with the children is the whole time, and at that time my heart was thinking: Next year I don't want to come back, there is no atmosphere at this home, and the big New Year's meal is like eating in a restaurant and no one knows anyone.
A few days after going back I came out early, and on the day I came out in the car, I was left in tears of sadness, why this home is like this every year. I felt so tired, I suddenly felt very confused, very helpless, that day my depression broke out, at the end of the day nausea wanted to vomit, dizziness, pessimism...
Lying in bed tonight, three more sleep in the middle of the night, thinking that I don't have a stable job now, I can only do part-time work, and I think about when this disease is good, what side effects will be in the future, etc. These negative emotions make me want to cry, home can't rely on, no one understands and comforts me, I myself am weak again, the disease is entangled, most of the night always feel that I have been abandoned by the world, very lonely, very helpless...
