A few days after the New Year, I inevitably took the twin brothers to visit relatives and friends, and attended several parties.
The younger brother, who loved to smile sweetly, was praised by the elders one after another: "This child is so smart!" "The fine hairs are so cute!" "Fine hair is too sensible!" A few relatives also asked our husband and wife privately: "Usually the younger brother is smarter, right?" ”
We just smiled awkwardly, shook our heads, and whispered, "Most of the time, my brother is smarter and stronger." ”
Then the crowd looked at each other with a look of disbelief, and then looked at their brother who was quiet on the side.
Are you like me, and find that the likable children in life are generally lively and sweet-mouthed children, but in fact, the neglected quiet children are often hidden "school bullies".
What causes this "delusion"? Let's take a look.
1
Quiet twin brother, in all aspects "hanging" lively younger brother
My twin brothers, who have always grown up under the same roof, have never been apart. Born with obvious personality differences, his younger brother would laugh at people during the month, and his family would love to make him giggle for several months. At first, my brother looked a lot more wooden in every way.
But by the time I was 3 years old, I started teaching my kids something, and the situation between the two brothers was reversed.
Learning ancient poems, five words and sentences, basically I read it with it; then tell the child the meaning of each poem, the mood of the whole poem, and the poet's living situation at that time; and then recite it 3 times with two brothers. At this time, the brother can recite the entire ancient poem, and the general meaning can also be said one or two.
Brother? Stuttering for another 20 minutes, I corrected various pronunciations, and finally I had to give up.
The kitten fished with her mother, and she always went to catch butterflies and dragonflies, but didn't catch any fish
Memorize words, use the most stupid way: look at word cards to teach children, read them several times, and the brother can recognize 7 or 8 of the 10 words. Under the intensive review, after a few days, half a month, and a few months later, my brother can remember 70 or 800 words.
The younger brother generally learns slowly and forgets quickly, basically I am consolidating for my younger brother, and my brother goes to other rooms to play with blocks.
You're going to say it's language learning, maybe the brother is the forte. Then look at the mind!
I teach my children to recognize the clock, just recognize the hours and hours and a half. After a while, the two brothers are not very familiar with each other, so I will talk about it again. After talking about it again, my brother understood whether the long-legged brother minute hand refers to 12, or 6, and whether the understanding is "whole" or "half".
The younger brother repeatedly said that he was still confused and seemed to be always unenlightened.
The older brother usually plays a set of logical thinking games independently, and the younger brother plays it, and basically just spreads out and does not play.
You say that lively children should have better athletic ability, right?
Yes, my brother doesn't coordinate very well, and sometimes he runs and wrestles.
The two brothers learned to play basketball for a year. At first, it was obvious that the younger brother played better, and any new movements could be learned quickly. The brother himself is left-handed, and sometimes the left and right hands have to think about which one is half a day, and everything is slow and half a beat.
But now every time my brother plays basketball, the possession is better than that of my younger brother. I didn't give my brother extra lessons, and neither did the coach.
You have to talk about understanding, in fact, the brother basically belongs to the slow half-beat or even a slow one-shot, the primary stage of learning is basically a humble look, but the naked eye can see the effort and progress.
But in the early childhood stage, the brother's quiet type of "school bully" cannot show the dew, and outsiders and even all the elders who live together in the family will prefer the younger brother and think that the younger brother is smarter.
2
Why do people think that lively and extroverted children are smarter? How did the "illusion" come about?
The younger brother has a great advantage: self-cooking.
Last weekend, I took my two children to their first basketball class after winter break. On the way home, my brother saw a classmate in basketball class in front of him (the child had not been seen for 1 and a half months), and he happily shouted the name of his classmate.
The child couldn't figure out the situation and turned back to his brother and asked, "What's the matter?" Thanks to his mother's wit, she said, "Goodbye!"
Then the younger brother also happily said "goodbye" to this classmate. I've just played basketball together, I see each other once a week at most, and I can greet you so intimately after leaving, just to say "goodbye" after greeting.
This enthusiasm of the younger brother does have a certain appeal, and the teachers and classmates also have a high evaluation (the evaluation of the classmates, which is the feedback of the brother, should be more real).
Children with social personalities are popular, and everyone naturally thinks that extroverted children are smarter. For example, the poem "Remembering Jiangnan", he and his brother can recite, but when the teacher asks who wants to go on stage to perform the show, the whole class often only the younger brother raises his hand. Later, he taught the whole class to memorize "Remembering Jiangnan" and told the story of poetry to his classmates. Children look adoring.
The younger brother is careful, and if there is anything new around, he can always find out first, even if there is an extra box of toilet paper at home.
The heart is naturally more considerate and warm. My right hand was broken a while ago, and every time my brother held my right hand, he would always ask me, "Mom, are your hands better?" Does it still hurt? Then gently held me.
What about my brother? Even if I reminded me again and again, he would grab it directly with one hand, and I was really afraid.
Strong social skills and carefulness, aren't these two advantages?
Yes, it's the advantage. But on the other hand, it is also easy to distract children.
Children will invest a lot of time emotionally and cry their noses over small things (my brother is like this).
I like new things, but the durability of each thing is not strong, and if I don't have enough concentration, I can't develop professionalism. In the basic learning stage, concentration is very important.
Montessori said: "Attention and concentration mark the growth of a child's inner life. ”
A lively or mischievous baby is born with less concentration than a quiet child, which is still recognized by everyone.
Exercising concentration can encourage children to play more each time in areas that are particularly interested.
For example, walking mazes, drawing, playing with blocks, reading picture books (which type of book you like), these activities can improve children's concentration. Watching TV for long periods of time is not recommended.
What we need more encouragement and attention is actually the quiet "vulnerable" child in the family.
3
Quiet children, need a "rainbow fart" from their parents
My brother's right right is biased towards the No. 5 exploratory personality, and he likes to be an "observer" in life. He doesn't talk much on the surface, but many things are very clear, the logic is also very good, and arguing with us husband and wife, sometimes we may not be able to win.
He is more calm, analytical, and indeed better at learning than his brother. "Stuffy", he likes to observe silently and then "break through in a word".
In the kindergarten stage that has not yet gone to school, there is no grade to be taken out, in all aspects of his external performance has no advantage, no display, so it is difficult to help children build self-confidence, often form "brother is more liked, brother is smarter" idea.
At this time, what we parents do is very important!
Professor Li Meijin said: "Children's feelings are often determined by the attitude of their parents. ”
Parents usually learn to change the method of praising their children, at least in public, when others slander their children as "shy", "do not like to talk", "do not call people", etc., do not follow others.
When others compare two children, especially brothers and sisters in the family, do not fail to see the advantages of quiet children.
Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, said:
"The essence of human nature is the desire to appreciate, and children in particular desire to appreciate.
Appreciation can make children grow into towering trees, and demeaning can make children wither and deform. ”
epilogue
Whether the child has a cheerful personality or is calm, there is a good side, and there is also an aspect that needs the guidance of parents.
Psychologist Sedderz said: "People are like ceramics, and when they are young, they will form a prototype. "That's why the role of parental guidance is particularly important.
May every child be seen and loved!
(Some of the pictures are from the Internet, the copyright belongs to the original author)