Author: Main Creative Group Maple
Who would have thought that a friend's fall would actually ring out the "war" between her and her daughter.
Two days ago, when she was carrying something from a high place, she accidentally stepped on the stool and fell off the stool, and her ankle sprained. She could only ask her daughter to help with some housework, but in the morning, her daughter only dried 2 beds of quilts. After lunch, my daughter lay on the couch. She said that her daughter reluctantly accepted the dishes. She endured her temper and called her daughter several times, but she turned a deaf ear.
Helplessly, she could only let her daughter wash the dishes. As a result, the daughter really only washed the dishes, the chopsticks and the pot were placed there intact, and the key was to break the bowl twice, and one was missing! She couldn't help but chant a few words, and her daughter made the excuse that she wanted to study, and listening to the sound of games coming from the house, her friend's heart instantly cooled half way.
In one day, she summoned her daughter no less than 99 times, and her daughter coped with it 3 times!
She said: "This is all done by me, I always let her do a good job of studying, and she doesn't have to worry about anything, which makes her do nothing." ”
It really responds to that sentence: the more parents are reluctant to use their children, the less useful the children are.
Children who are accustomed to sitting and enjoying their success, like caged birds, have lost both the ability to root downwards and the ability to fly upwards.
Reluctant to use the child, what is given to the child is not love and freedom, but a poisoned arrow that destroys the child invisibly.
Reluctant to use children, children are useless no matter how good they are
On the Internet, there is such a group of self-deprecating "waste" 985 college students. Among them, the experience of netizen @Du Youyou impressed me.
After graduating from a prestigious school, she worked in a listed company, but in less than half a year, she was frustrated by her work, was not good at communicating with people, lacked the ability to deal with problems, had psychological problems, and resigned at home, which has been two years now.
It turned out that she had been wearing clothes since she was a child, and her parents did not let her do anything unrelated to learning. Even her growth route was planned by her parents.
Because the living environment is only left with study, her grades are very good, but only good grades.
The author of the book "Special Cruel Heart, Special Love" said: "Children are difficult to take root in society, and they cannot blame the cruelty of social competition. Think about it, do you have the skills and qualities that ignite the depths of your child's life with the hands that push the cradle? ”
Parents should know that some skills can not be taught in school, some knowledge textbooks do not, you do not let the child to experience, to think, to explore, it is difficult for the child to have space to grow.
In the current performance-led environment, "you can concentrate on reading, don't worry about the rest" has become the educational standard for many parents. As a result, the child scored 100 points, but lost the ability to do things.
Thinking of a mother in Zhengzhou, in order to let her daughter study well and be admitted to a good university, she was reluctant to let her daughter do a little housework and get half a point of water since she was a child. Today, her daughter has been admitted to college, but because her self-care ability is too poor, many grades are hanging up, and she has been ordered to suspend her school. In order to help her daughter successfully complete her education, her mother had to drag her elderly body and carry a large bag from her hometown to the dust and servants. Near her daughter's school, she rented a ten-square-meter rental house for her daughter to accompany her. Unexpectedly, when the daughter saw her mother, instead of appreciating it, she also punched her mother, pointing at her nose and angrily scolding: "Blame her!" If she hadn't spoiled me, I wouldn't have become what I am today! ”
Liu Yong once said: "If the child has become a bird in the cage, waiting for you to feed it every day." He can't be independent and thinks you owe him and you should feed him when the time comes. ”
Not willing to use children, will only raise children into "parasites" who cannot take care of themselves. Not willing to experience children, not pampering, but "murder".
It deprives the child of the opportunity to grow, but also deprives the child of gratitude, so that the child only focuses on his own feelings and needs, and becomes selfish, cold-blooded, greedy, and willful.
The best love is to be willing to use children
"People's Daily" once posted an article saying: "What is more important than achievements is the soundness of children's personality." "A child's grades are important, but it is not the only measure of success, nor is it a measure of whether a person is good or not.
Especially after the double subtraction, we should pay more attention to the child's comprehensive ability. As parents, we may wish to use our children in these four aspects to build a "great wall of personality" for them and become a sound and perfect person.
1. Do housework and cultivate children's ability to be independent
Someone asked: Why do you want your children to do housework? There is an answer that hits the nail on the head: because children have to grow and exercise, because children will not always be children. Yes, the child in the second half, finally have to embark on their own journey. Only by letting the child learn to take care of himself can he go far steadily.
Doing housework is the best education to cultivate independent ability. Wei Shusheng, who served as the director of the Panjin City Education Bureau in Liaoning Province for thirteen years, advocated that parents must let their children learn to do housework, and he also did so, as long as his son can do it, he must let his son do it.
Father and son go out, the son is his own backpack, once there are three bags at once, the son carries one on his body, and carries one on his left and right hands. Parents, there is no ability that does not have to learn, and there is no skill that is innate. To love children, we must be willing to use children, starting from doing housework, so that children can participate and pay. Even if you don't do it well enough at the beginning, as long as the child does it, there will be gains.
Only children who can manage their own lives from an early age can control their own lives when they grow up.
2. Let the child choose and cultivate the habit of thinking
In order to train his daughter, Li Mang, an international education expert, once gave her "financial power" to her daughter and asked her to allocate travel expenses. The daughter in charge of money, in order to save money without reducing the quality of travel, had to think carefully about each plan. After some consideration, the daughter changed the mode of travel from a taxi to a bus, and the attraction chose a relatively cheap ticket or the child did not need a ticket...
In addition, the daughter also took the initiative to make a travel guide, and finally the father and daughter successfully ended their ten-day journey in Jeju Island. Educator Chen Meiling said: The whole process of thinking with your own mind, judging the situation, making independent choices, and finally being responsible for the results is an indispensable training in cultivating children who can make correct judgments.
Oh, yes! When you have the practice of being a master when you are a child, children can become a person with ideas and opinions.
On weekdays, parents may wish to give their children more choices and let them think, rather than giving their children a ready-made answer and letting him accept it. Children who can think will have a better future.
3. Experience that life is not easy and cultivate children's grateful hearts
I have heard a saying: the biggest mistake of Chinese parents is that they refuse to tell their children the truth about life. No matter how tired they are, they must also let the children eat well and dress well, as a result, the parents are still meticulous, but the children are showing off and far away. Remember Zhao Zehua, a 7-year-old boy who became popular for skillfully rolling bun skins? He began rolling bun skins at his parents' bun shop at the age of 5 and is now skilled at rolling 600 bun skins a day.
Usually, he insisted on getting up early to roll out the bun skin for an hour before going to school, and then went to the store to help after school. In the winter and summer vacations, he helps for 4 hours a day.
In addition, he works very hard in his studies, whether it is studying in school, or extracurricular fighting classes and piano lessons, he is self-disciplined.
Only because he stayed in the store when he was 2 years old and witnessed his parents working hard every day, so he did not grow to the height of the table, he learned to roll bun skins like adults. He said: "Dad started to be busy in the middle of the night every day, it was very hard, and Mom was not in good health, so I wanted to help. ”
Children who are accustomed to enjoyment will feel that everything comes easily, and how can they be grateful.
Only when children see the difficulty of their parents from an early age and experience the hardships of their parents can children understand that the original degree of their eating and wearing is exchanged by their parents with blood and sweat. He will cherish the efforts of his parents and be grateful for their selflessness.
4. Be responsible for yourself and cultivate your child's sense of responsibility
A sense of responsibility is an indispensable element for a child to base himself on society. If you want to raise a responsible and responsible child, parents must first let their children take responsibility for their own actions.
Yu Shiwei, the "first person in Chinese management education", once talked about his daughter's loss in a lecture. The daughter is usually careless, often calling home after school, either sending books or workbooks. One day, when the daughter once again asked him to send something to the school, Yu Shiwei directly refused, even if the daughter pleaded: "Dad, this thing is very important, must be sent, otherwise the teacher will fight" That time, the daughter was indeed punished by the teacher, but this lesson also made her understand: her own affairs can not count on her parents. Every day, she made a list early, packed her school bags in order, and never left anything behind.
Educator Lan Hai said: "In the process of growing up, children have been testing us. ”
In life, if parents are always afraid that their children are late and urge their children to get up, afraid that their children will do wrong and stare at their children to write homework, afraid that their children will not be able to help their children solve various problems, and even go to the bottom. Children will develop the psychology of relying on their parents for everything, and will never learn to be responsible for their own actions.
Give things back to the child, let the child find a way to solve the problems of life, learn to be responsible for their own behavior, and the child can grow into a responsible person in the commitment.
Parents with vision, both with a little bit of cruelty
In the "Teenager Voice" column, there is such a mother. Never holding her daughter in the palm of her hand, she always let her daughter do everything big and small in life. When her daughter was still in elementary school, she often left her at home alone all day and cooked on fire; let her daughter walk a long way from school to her unit. Let the daughter cross the street by herself and go to the vegetable market to buy vegetables; let the daughter take the bus and take the subway by herself; when traveling, let the daughter take all her luggage and let the daughter leave her far and far; no matter how heavy the school bag is every day, it is also the daughter herself, the daughter's study, she never asks... Therefore, neighbors and friends often say that she is not a mother.
But in fact, my mother's fierce heart hides the foresight of parenthood. The daughter who grew up in such an environment is confident, cheerful, independent, conscious, has good grades, and has a good mentality.
Dr. Hua Yun, a Chinese-American education expert, said: "Loving children is different from loving other cherished objects or pets, and cherished objects or pets should be kept around and cherished. But to love children is to one day let them leave us and to be ready for their departure. ”
Parents love their children, and they have far-reaching plans for them. Children grow up a long way, we can not be their lifelong umbrella, shield them from the wind and rain, protect them for a lifetime.
So, instead of giving your child a pair of designer shoes, give him a pair of feet that can walk.
Instead of paving the way for children, it is better to cultivate children's ability to run forward, the courage to fly upwards, and the confidence to take root downwards.
Encourage your parents.
Author: Maple, Erbao Mom, left hand parenting, right hand writing, growing up with children. New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.