Many people say that when a woman reaches the age of forty, she will face the stagnation of life.
The capital of youth and wantonness is gone, and the woman who is not confused is a wife, an employee, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a mother, but not herself.
Hui Anhua is one of the most telling directors in the history of Hong Kong cinema who can tell family stories.
In 1995, she directed the film "Woman Forty", which won five awards at the Hong Kong Film Awards for Best Film, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Screenwriter and Best Director, becoming the first film at the Academy Awards to achieve a Grand Slam.
Actress Xiao Fangfang also became the second Chinese actress after Maggie Cheung to win the Berlin Film Festival with her outstanding performance in the film.
In the film, Xiao Fangfang plays an ordinary woman who is over forty years old, bound by the chicken feathers of life, and re-finds herself in difficulties.
Time passed, and the experience of a 40-year-old woman in that era may be different from today's. But the anxiety and confusion shown in it can still resonate.
From A'e, we see the process of middle-aged women constantly breaking through the difficulties of life and achieving inner growth.
Forty women, full of crises
The anxiety of middle-aged women is likely to come from all directions.
The future in the workplace is uncertain, the education of adolescent children is in a mess, the pressure of filial piety for children, and the chai rice oil and salt in life.
Forty-year-old A'e was like that.
First, she experienced a crisis from her family.
Ah N'e lives in a poor and ordinary Hong Kong family.
The husband is a driving school examiner and the son is in college.
The relationship between Ah E and her mother-in-law is particularly good, on the day of Ah E's birthday, the mother-in-law also specially bought Ah E's favorite seafood to help Ah E do housework.
But Ah E's father-in-law is very "annoying".
He was accustomed to commanding women, changing slippers for women to change for him, drinking tea for women to give him bubbles, and when he was hungry, he wanted women to immediately bring food to him.
In the face of the domineering and domineering personality of the father-in-law, the gentleness and thoughtfulness of the mother-in-law is the driving force for A'e's patience and persistence.
But one day, the mother-in-law died suddenly.
On the day of the mother-in-law's funeral, seeing the strange behavior of the father-in-law who did not know his daughter and did not know his son, Ah E took him to see a doctor, only to learn that the father-in-law suffered from Alzheimer's disease.
None of the husband's younger siblings were willing to take care of the father-in-law, and the cowardly husband could only take the father-in-law to the house and let Ah E resign to take special care.
Ah E angrily refused: "Going to work is the greatest joy of my life!" I will never give up. ”
However, the work that originally brought joy to Ah E also had a crisis.
On weekdays, in addition to taking care of housework and making careful calculations for the family, Ah E also works in a trading company.
On this day, a new female employee came to the company, young, beautiful, and computer, and suddenly won the favor of leaders and many male colleagues.
In order to take care of her father-in-law, Ah E often took leave, and her profession was ignored because of the introduction of computers, and she began to be gradually rejected by her colleagues.
Ah E's life has changed drastically, the family is no longer dependent, and the sense of accomplishment of the work is gone.
In the face of this turbulent situation of internal and external troubles, Ah E is constantly busy like a top.
Her body was always in a panic, and her mind never stopped.
The balance of life has been tilted repeatedly, and this is not true, it is not right, internal and external difficulties, wretched.
One day, Ah E was drying clothes on the roof, drying and drying, she suddenly broke down and cried, loudly pouring out her thoughts about her mother-in-law:
"Mother-in-law, I miss you so much, I'm so tired..."
When women reach the middle of their lives, they may encounter sudden turmoil like A'e.
It may be the stagnation of work, it may be the death of a family member, it may be the betrayal of a loved one, or it may even be a parting of life and death.
We feel abandoned by the world, all the burdens are on ourselves, husbands and sons have no one to really help you, only to bear themselves.
We suffer alone with uneasiness, our senses of autonomy and self-identity are disintegrated one by one, and the whole person is filled with anxiety and fear.
Forty women, difficult to control the instability of life, only worry in the eyes but can no longer see themselves, so that they can not breathe, and can not step out of the quagmire.
Women are forty, and acceptance is wide
In the face of the problems that life throws at us, the first thing many people think of is resistance.
We think that removing the problem can change our living conditions.
But in fact, resistance is just a different way of focusing on these problems, and they are still there, even worse because of our resistance.
Since learning that her father-in-law had Alzheimer's disease, Ah E was very eager to get rid of her father-in-law.
She hoped that her husband's younger siblings would help share the responsibility of caring for her father-in-law, but she refused for various reasons.
She went to ask for help from the activity center, but because her father-in-law ran away many times, she was removed from the activity center.
Later, because they could not stand the trouble caused by their father-in-law, they sent him to a worse old people's home.
But even so, Ah E's heart could not calm down.
She was still terrified inside, tormented by guilt and her own conscience.
Until one day, Ah E saw her neighbor Sister Xia taking care of her lover, and finally realized her life disaster.
Sister Xia's husband also has Alzheimer's disease, the lower body can not take care of himself, and the temper is very grumpy, often knocking things over.
But Sister Xia did not get angry, but painfully wiped her lover's cheeks and dripping water from her body.
Soon after, Sister Xia developed stomach cancer.
She told A'e that cancer wasn't terrible, and that her only worry was that she was gone and that no one was taking care of her lover.
Sister Xia illuminated the darkness of their lives with pure love, and smiled with acceptance and joy all negative emotions and pain.
Under the influence of Sister Xia, Ah E began to respond to her heart.
It turns out that when problems arise, there are better solutions than to escape.
She went to visit her father-in-law in the nursing home and saw that his face was injured as if he had been beaten.
This old man, who had been on the battlefield to kill the enemy in his youth, had been strong all his life, grabbed her hand and choked on grievance: "I want to go home." ”
At that moment, Ah E understood that this old man was a weak person, and he needed to rely on himself.
And it is precisely because of their own strength that they will be relied on.
Since the power is in one's own body, why should we pray for the salvation of the outside world?
Rather believe in yourself, give up resistance, and see how you can grow?
Letting go of the thought of inner resistance, Ah E's heart was calm.
Faced with the crisis of her family, she accepted it calmly. Get along with your father-in-law like a friend, but instead see the cuteness of your father-in-law.
Her father-in-law sent her flowers, talked about her heroism when she was fighting, and told her to go to the top of the mountain to date the girl she liked...
He was actually just sick, a child who lived in a past faith, and equally worthy of respect.
She took the initiative to establish a new contact with her husband, went to the driving school to pick up her husband from work, and also texted her husband, saying:
"We're going to have more together in the future."
She helps her son solve the conflict with his girlfriend, helps her father-in-law and sister-in-law ease the relationship...
When she became tough inside, she saw the best love and joy in the family, and she also saw more possibilities for herself.
When A'e no longer escapes, her career also ushered in a turnaround.
She originally wanted to resign to take care of her father-in-law at home, but she did not expect that the company's computer was broken, and she relied on her professional ability to solve problems for the company and was recognized by the leadership.
The company's leaders approved her two months of leave and asked her to go home to deal with family affairs first, saying that the company could not do without her.
You see, that's what fate is called.
When you keep resisting, you are giving away the power, and your uneasiness and disorder outside world cannot respond to you;
And when you accept it, let go, is to control the power in your own hands, you will feel safe, feel happy, so that the problem is just a problem, and it is good to solve it.
Forty women, by no means stagnant
When a woman reaches the age of forty, she may suffer a crisis.
But the crisis is not terrible, the terrible thing is to lose confidence in self-control.
The difficulties of life's difficulties all have in common, and only inner growth can dissolve suffering.
Liu Mintao, 46, is regaining her life in her own way.
At the age of 37, after being a virtuous assistant and a good wife for half a lifetime, she really couldn't stand her husband's indifference and finally divorced;
After the divorce, she returned to the screen, starting from a supporting role;
A "Pretender" turned red, surprised the audience in "Sound Immersion", and a song "Red High Heels" went out of the circle.
For the first time in her life, she cut her hair short, wore a backless outfit, and danced a girl group dance.
She savored the taste of freedom and did not feel that her life had stagnated.
The 51-year-old Yu Feihong is still incredibly beautiful.
In the live broadcast room, she did not open her beauty, and was directly called by Liu Tao, who was 8 years younger than her: "It's so beautiful!" ”
She was single and unmarried and lived a life of solitude that was difficult for ordinary people to understand.
But she knew what she wanted, so she didn't hurry and calmly moved forward at her own pace.
So you see, where is the crisis for middle-aged women? Where is there any stagnation?
It is just to understand their own growth, not to consume in the outside world, to focus on themselves, and to be able to move forward bravely.
Honey, if you have encountered a difficult situation in the middle of life, you can help yourself with these three methods:
1. Stop resisting
Writer Shi Tiesheng lost his legs in his prime and tried to find death several times, but one day he finally figured it out.
"Death is a must, anyway, it's better to see what can be done now." At this moment, he bottomed out and rebounded.
Many people are annoyed by the predicament because of resistance.
But when you accept instead of resisting, it's like accepting that you've fallen into a big pit, and you've fallen to the bottom anyway, no matter where you go up, it's uphill, and you're solid.
2. Set a new meaning
The dilemmas that God has set for us are all experiences and points.
Facts tell us that there is always a difference between the imaginary world in our minds and the real world.
In the turbulent times of middle age, if you want to regain peace and stability, you need to find more new meaning in life.
Maybe it's a lover who is fading away, maybe it's a mature child, or it's an ideal career and job.
Find your new meaning, put in them, and love them vigorously.
Use them to stabilize your fluttering heart and regain strength.
3. Find growth heroes
Just like Ah E found Sister Xia, we can also find one or two people who are in trouble and do not give up, and listen to their stories.
They can be legends or ordinary people around them.
No matter what kind of life we are going through, someone must have experienced it first and not been knocked down.
If you can experience a life change in middle age, it is not a good thing.
Transformation is the process of transition from the old stage to the new stage, much like death and rebirth.
It is the restricted, decaying parts of our self that slowly die in the midst of transformation, but the new self grows in this change.
Our ego is constantly growing and renewing in the process of transformation, and gradually becoming richer.
Remember, dear ones, to face your vulnerability and darkness with sincerity and bravery is the only way out of life's predicament.
In the face of your calamity, accept it, solve it, and thank it, you can continue to benefit from the experience and obtain lasting happiness!
Planning | Jiang Feng
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