I often hear many parents say something like this: "My children never want to take the initiative to learn, they have to be beaten by their parents to learn, it is really a headache..."
This is actually a fairly common phenomenon, many children "people in the school outside the heart", do not love to learn, do not want to learn, the enthusiasm for learning is far less than brush mobile phone games, etc., many parents exhausted all their efforts to no avail.
If the child is forced to be anxious, the light one affects the parent-child relationship, and the heavy child may take extreme behavior. For example, the "father tutoring his daughter's math homework is too hot, and it is a roar and a slap on the table" that happened a few days ago, which has triggered the resonance and hot discussion of many netizens.
Many parents do not understand: this matter of going to school and reading is obviously the child's own business, how can it seem that the parents owe the child in the end? In fact, children are not in a good mood, they always feel that their parents have to force themselves to study, and in the end they are often full of grievances, and even feel that they are suffering for their parents when they go to school.
When the child's learning is completely passive rather than active, it indicates that the child lacks the internal drive to learn.
01 Three elements that affect the internal drive of learning
Of course, the cultivation of internal driving force is not achieved overnight, but requires a long process to achieve.
Both adults and children have a common psychological need, that is, "a sense of belonging, autonomy and achievement". When these needs are fully met, the child's learning drive is naturally awakened, and they will be more active, active and happy to devote themselves to learning.
1. A sense of belonging
From the perspective of family education, the sense of belonging refers to the child's belonging to the family and producing a good emotional experience, which mainly comes from the unconditional acceptance, identification and tolerance of the child by the parents.
When a child feels that he is being noticed, recognized, and understood by his parents, he will gain a sense of belonging, and this sense of belonging will prompt the child to be positive, including active learning.
2. Sense of autonomy
Regarding the sense of autonomy, we can simply understand that the child has practical control over life and learning.
Children with a sense of autonomy have higher expectations for learning, and regard learning as a matter of duty, showing a proactive learning state.
On the contrary, children without a sense of autonomy tend to resist learning and regard learning as a special thing, showing a passive state of learning. The learning effect under these two different attitudes is naturally very different.
3. Sense of accomplishment
The so-called sense of accomplishment refers to the child's ability and confidence to do things well.
When children experience success in something, when children are sincerely encouraged by their parents, they can get a sense of accomplishment. Children who have gained a sense of achievement will be more willing to continue to persevere in learning and maintain the internal driving force of self-improvement, of course, they will go further on the road of learning.
If children have begun to have a sense of belonging, autonomy and achievement under our guidance and education, then children will burst out a very strong internal driving force for their own learning and life. That means that we help children find the will to grow innerly, and children will change from passive learning to active learning.
02 4 ways to motivate children to learn internal drive
Around the "three elements that affect the internal drive of learning", we can use some methods to help children stimulate the internal drive of learning, and the following will introduce four practical methods for you.
Method 1: Parents unconditionally accept their child's sense of belonging
Under the influence of the pressure of the previous education environment, many parents have fallen into the misunderstanding of rushing to achieve results in educating their children, and are accustomed to suppressing their children, which will lead to children lacking a sense of belonging, and children who lack a sense of belonging often have no self-motivation.
Parents' unconditional acceptance of their children, including positive positive encouragement and recognition, can meet the psychological needs of children's sense of belonging, so that they have more confidence to face future challenges.
Method 2: Gradually delegate authority to the child by means of selective questioning
If parents control their children too much, they will lose their sense of independence, and children need parents to appropriately delegate power.
Giving power to children is very particular about ways and methods, not to give power to children at once, let alone to leave children alone, but to start with a small step and gradually delegate power to children in a step-by-step manner.
We can use the selective approach to asking questions, both of which are within our acceptable range, and then allow the child to exercise autonomy in both options.
For example, if a child comes home from school in the evening and is only concerned with playing, but is not willing to do homework, then we can tell the child: "Do you do Chinese first, or do you do math first?" It's up to you to decide..."
This kind of questioning with options can make children feel "in charge". As children experience "deciding what to do" more and more, they can gradually acquire the ability to make their own decisions and cultivate a sense of independence, which is reflected in learning, which means that they can take the initiative to take responsibility for learning, rather than asking their parents to follow behind their butts and urge to learn.
Method 3: Give full authority to the child by asking heuristic questions
When the child gradually develops a sense of independence under our guidance, the questioning method at this time is upgraded to the advanced version, and we can give the child more autonomy through heuristic questioning.
Obviously, if the child has autonomy, he will be more responsible in learning and more willing to work learning.
Method 4: Break down the big goals into small ones and practice them deliberately to make the child feel fulfilled
We break down the big goal into a small goal, and then turn the small goal into a deliberate exercise every day, and then coupled with the parents' timely encouragement and affirmation of the child, in this process, the child will gradually produce a sense of accomplishment.
When a child continues to get a sense of accomplishment from the learning process, his motivation to learn will continue to flow.
epilogue
Children's reluctance to take the initiative to learn is often related to the lack of belonging, autonomy and achievement, which is the direction we need to strive to break through in cultivating children's active learning!