"Do you have parenting anxiety too?"
I'm often asked that.
Of course there will be! Even though I've been doing parenting science for years, even if I know a little more than others, anxiety is still there.
In addition to parenting anxiety, there are also work anxiety, social anxiety, baldness anxiety...
Image source: Scientific family parenting
In this society, there should be few people who are not anxious.
Two days ago, I saw a passage on the Internet, which can be said to truly express the voice of contemporary parents:
Usually in the communication with Bao's parents, I also feel the same feeling: in order to raise a baby, everyone is really physically and mentally exhausted!
Nowadays, the requirements of society for parents are getting higher and higher, and parents' expectations for their children are getting higher and higher, and we seem to have involuntarily embarked on the road of "parenting anxiety"!
From the moment we learned that we had a baby, we had a new role, who is going to be the mom and dad.
In order to adapt to this role, everyone is working hard to learn parenting knowledge, visit parenting forums, and watch parenting science, such as paying attention to the University of Science and Technology
However, when the child arrives, anxiety still follows, and it rises and falls.
I guess you might be the same way, right?
But these anxieties, not only you will have, after becoming a parent, everyone is the same, as if possessed, is involuntarily worried.
Worry about the unknown
Worry about not fulfilling your parenting responsibilities
Worry about losing at the starting line
So why are we so anxious?
Postpartum anxiety
Most parenting anxieties initially come from postpartum anxiety.
The arrival of the child broke the calm of the original life:
All kinds of problems came to us, all of which weighed on us, devouring the joy of new fatherhood and motherhood.
Think too much
Before the child is born, worry about not being ready;
After the birth of the child, worry about poor care;
The child grows up slowly, and worries about not being well educated
……
It seems that anxiety is always one step ahead of reality, and we are always worried about future events.
Expect too much from the baby
Circle of friends, a certain Bo, a certain sound, a certain sweet potato, etc., there will always be other people's children.
And we always expect that everything will be good for the children.
It seems that from childhood to adulthood, we have not been able to escape "other people's children"!
In the past, she was compared to her parents, and now she is compared with others.
Too much pursuit of perfection
No matter what goes wrong with the child, he will feel that it is his own fault.
Especially when reading parenting articles, I will constantly reflect on myself, although this original intention is good, but Keda wants to say:
In this world, there is only the concept of healthy parenting, and there is no standard parenting method.
If you also have parenting anxiety, try doing so.
Many people are trapped in parenting anxiety, unable to extricate themselves, adults are tired, children are tired.
So, it's time to learn to let go of anxiety.
1. Try your best to live your own life
After most people have children, they are focused on their children, and children become the only goal of life.
You have to find things you like to do besides your children, make room for your life, and find ways to relax yourself.
Koda has a friend who likes to play with flowers and plants, and has many kinds of green plants and flowers on the balcony, and has two parrots, like a small garden.
No matter how anxious life is, she can always heal herself in this small space.
2. Communicate more with family and friends
Many people will drill the horns of things when they encounter things, and they can't get around it, and they are anxious and uneasy.
At this time, whether the problem can be solved or not, the emotions should be cleared first.
Family members should understand each other, especially between husband and wife, and they should respect and understand each other.
3, let go of expectations, believe in children
To say that there is no expectation for the child is false.
In the heart of every parent, there is an "ideal" child.
Like everyone else, I hope that children will have good character, good learning, be able to speak the tao, and understand politeness.
But looking back, who didn't grow up trying to get rid of such expectations, wanted to be seen, understood, and accepted.
4. It is difficult to adjust, and it is timely to ask for help
When you find yourself in a state of anxiety for a long time and unable to self-regulate, learn to actively turn to a professional for help.
Write at the end:
We have grown up in more than 20 years, but in just a few years, we have completed the transformation from student to parent, from child to parent.
Many people may not have understood the truth of life, and they must begin to guide their children in the direction of life.
So we are afraid, afraid that we are not so good parents; afraid of not leading our children to the bright road; afraid that one day, our children will repeat their own setbacks and difficulties...
In this anxiety, we hide our regrets about our past and the expectations of parents for our children.
But HKUST also wants to share a passage with you:
New York time is 3 hours earlier than California time,
But time in California hasn't slowed down.
Someone graduated at the age of 22,
But it took five years to get a good job.
Someone becomes CEO at the age of 25.
But he died at the age of 50.
There are also people who don't become CEOs until they're 50 years old.
Then live to be 90 years old.
Someone is still single,
There are also people who are married.
Obama retired at 55,
Trump only started becoming president at the age of 70.
Everyone in the world has their own time zone of development.
There are some people around you who seem to be ahead of you,
There are also people who seem to be walking behind you.
But in fact,
Everyone has their own walk in their own time zone.
No need to be jealous or laugh at them.
They're all in their own time zone, and so are you!
Life is about waiting for the right time to act.
So, take it easy.
Everyone in this world has their own rhythm, rather than teaching children to run fast, it is better to teach children to find their destination and keep walking.
Life is so long, instead of anxiety, you may wish to enjoy life as it is.
Believe in children, but also believe in yourself! Grow up with your kids, come on!