I finally plucked up the courage to confront my son's math teacher for the first time

OK Mom says:

Have you ever received a call from a teacher and been "sued"?

If the teacher tells you, "Your child never raises his hand in class, this is not OK", or "Your child's attention is not good, and it will not be able to keep up with it in the long run"... What would you do?

Is it to criticize the child directly, or when nothing happens, or should you stand by the child's side and support the child?

Today's friend Wendy's article to share with you, please remember that the child's situation is very normal, must not simply scold, do not blindly "cooperate" with the teacher, must be careful, really give the child help and support!

Text: Wendy

01

I also received a call from my son's math teacher, informing us to pick up the child 10 minutes late because he had not finished the exercises and needed to stay and write before going home. This is the Nth time that the son has been left behind.

However, unlike the previous (N-1) times, this time I finally plucked up the courage to reject the teacher.

I told the teacher to ask her son to go home from school with the other students first, and when he came home, I would definitely watch him write the problem within the specified time.

In fact, when I said these words to the teacher, my heart was going to jump to the throat, but I gritted my teeth and insisted on doing so, because it was a decision I had considered for a long time.

02

I know that any child who is left behind must be ugly, and for an introverted child like my son, it is not only embarrassing in face, but also goes to the heart and becomes a heavy burden of thought.

But I also know that the teacher's purpose of leaving the child is to whip the child in this way, the intention is good, and it may really stimulate the child to stop dragging and rubbing. So at first I was very cooperative with the teacher's approach.

However, being left behind does not seem to change the situation of slow and procrastinating children. We didn't talk to him at home, but it had little effect.

Once in a math test, others finished all 4 pages, and my son actually did 1 and a half pages! The teacher said he didn't know how to do it, and then gave him 20 minutes, and he finished all the rest. The child's father was really angry and directly beat his son, but I knew that this would not solve the problem.

This abnormal situation is no longer entirely a problem with the child's attitude, and his psychological condition must also be a problem. We must observe from the sidelines while he is doing the problem, to find the specific reason for his delay, and to give him specific help! And more importantly, we need to inject positive energy into our children.

So, when I got the call from the teacher again, I refused!

03

On those days, I came home relatively early and stayed at home with my children to arrange and manage the time, that is, hand-in-hand. And when he was doing his homework, I sat next to him and observed, and found a lot of small problems (the previous OK Mom's "Son's slow movement makes the teacher shake his head, make me collapse, but the turnaround is between this line" article also gave me a lot of inspiration), gave him some specific ways to speed up.

Catching a little bit of progress, I praised him, and his state was constantly improving.

One day his homeroom teacher sent a message praising his son for his progress, and in the evening I immediately conveyed the words to my son, who listened indifferently on the surface, but I could see how proud he was (introverted children really can't express their joy).

When he washed his face that night, he suddenly gritted his teeth and jumped out: "Mom, I will never want it again, forever... Don't be left behind! Forever and ever! "Seeing the sad and angry look on his face when he spoke, I was so sad that I almost burst into tears.

In fact, being left behind is a very humiliating thing for my son: "I hate those classmates the most, and they laugh at me when they see me being left behind." On several occasions, the teacher would lead a few of our slow-moving classmates to the office, during which time they would walk through a long corridor and the rest of the class would also watch us. ”

Why do you feel humiliated and still continue to procrastinate?

04

It turns out that the same small punishment measure will produce positive stimulation for some children, and more negative emotions for some children!

The fundamental reason is that children of different personalities think in completely different directions after being punished.

Optimistic and extroverted children, they will also feel ashamed and angry when they are punished, but they can jump out of these negative emotions relatively quickly, and gather their inner strength into some positive information, such as when the teacher tells them that if tomorrow is faster, they will not have to stay anymore, they will actively follow this idea and find a way to make tomorrow no longer stay.

And a pessimistic and introverted child, when they are punished, his focus is on various negative situations, such as what to do if his classmates laugh at him, and what to do if he is seen by many people... These thoughts consume a lot of their energy and prevent them from thinking positively.

You may not see any expression on his face, but in fact he will be trapped in this negative emotion all night long, unable to mobilize his energy to focus on learning. So this cascade of reactions will make him worse and worse, and they will not be able to solve it on their own.

05

Of course, you may feel that we can think and do whatever we want, but is it not appropriate to refuse the teacher?

Indeed, saying NO to the teacher is also a very difficult thing in my heart. My concern is that the teacher will feel that the parents do not cooperate and do not support her work.

The facts were not unexpected, and when the teacher heard me say this, he was a little surprised and obviously displeased.

But then I talked to the teacher about why I wanted to do this, and I shared what I observed with the teacher, and she understood that "my rejection" was also to see if she could bring some changes to the child in her own way. Fortunately, the child's state has indeed improved a lot!

Of course, I still have lingering feelings afterwards, which is the boldest decision I have made in dealing with communication with teachers. Although such a decision can be risky, it still has to be done, after all, parents are still the people who know their children best.

OK mom finally said: Have you encountered a situation similar to my friend Wendy, how do you do it, or what you think, welcome to leave a message to share Oh~