No matter how much we long for a person to accompany us 24 hours a day, we must not pull them so closely into our world, leaving no gaps.
——Qingjiu emotion
If it is a love that is inseparable
If there is a kind of love in this world, people scratch their hearts with their claws, but they can't stop. It must be love that is imminent. But when we really face such love, even if we are so tormented, we are always reluctant to leave.
We are accustomed to calling those who are good at using means in love as love saints. And "if you leave" is the skill that these lovers must know.
Some people may question, isn't loving someone supposed to want to be with them all the time? Indeed, this is the idea that everyone will have after they step into love. We long to see every minute of that person's eyes, or to fit perfectly into their world.
But in fact, the real emotional life is far less beautiful than we think. An overly intimate relationship is like an overly sweet pastry. When you first taste it, it is extremely beautiful, but when you eat too much, you will feel so sweet that it is difficult to swallow.
Too frequent and close contact means that more shortcomings are exposed, and it also means that there is too much understanding, and there is no longer a joy and mystery of discovery between each other.
Love is like a scavenger hunt, if you want to play with interest all the time, you can't know too much, and you can't be given too much. Those gains that they slowly dig up will make people feel cherished.
This is the secret of imminent love.
Blank effect
We are accustomed to referring to those who are centered on love as "love brains." In fact, if a person's life is really planned around love and lovers. Then this love is not far from collapsing.
There is an effect in psychology called the blank effect.
The blank effect was originally a concept related to aesthetics and appreciation in the creation of art.
It refers to the processing of the work in a blank way, giving readers the space to imagine and create a second time, and each reader can rely on his own imagination and cultural literacy to think, and then he can get a deeper understanding and resonance.
In terms of emotional relationships, the blank effect means that if two people have been glued together, they are likely to gradually become tired, at this time, they often have to learn to give each other some time and space to be alone. Indeed, love sometimes requires a certain amount of space for the other person to breathe, that is, a state of interdependence but independence, so that the love between each other can last longer.
Chinese often said that "distance produces beauty" and "little farewell wins the new marriage" refers to this meaning. Keeping your distance and retaining the mystery will actually enhance the attraction between two people.
People's curiosity and interest in things always comes from the unknowable. Therefore, even if you love each other, you don't need to stay together every day, and you will put yourself and your mind out.
Leave a blank for love
If you want to keep love fresh, then you must learn to leave a blank space for love. This blank space includes two major aspects, namely behavioral and psychological.
Behavior refers to not pursuing to stay with your partner all the time.
Two people together, the social circle and the circle of life, there will inevitably be overlapping parts, but must not be completely overlapping. Your world and your partner's world are two separate worlds. You have to learn to plan your time, set aside a fixed amount of time for your partner, and enjoy love. But also give yourself enough time to do what you want to do. We will fall in love with someone who likes to be with a person, never because this person, like an attachment, is completely dependent on us and clings to us.
Psychologically, it means that the communication can leave the other party with room to think and not make decisions for the partner.
In intimate relationships, when we want to make a decision or when we want our partner to make a decision, we always want to get the best answer in the shortest possible time. But the answer we get in the shortest time is not necessarily correct, we must leave our own time and other half of the time, and work together to solve the problem well. In this way, we can clearly understand the relationship and find the best solution. Instead of making the relationship between two people more distant because of your anxiety, instead of using preaching and accusations to force the other half to commit.
Leave a broad space for the romantic relationship, and you will love more freely.
Psychology: Being too good to people is an addictive behavior