Wen | Ye was terrified
In the marriage relationship and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, a sleek woman will be deeply liked by her husband and in-laws, these are all esoteric learning, only women with high emotional intelligence can win respect and harvest happiness.
Women always have to remember that you can treat your in-laws as if you were biological parents, but never have the illusion that they will treat you as their own daughter. This is not to provoke the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but to let you see the reality - no matter how good the daughter-in-law, she can never do blood relations.
Therefore, it is a matter of course for a woman to be good to her in-laws, which is the basic premise for maintaining the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. However, you can't expect to be equally rewarded for giving, and it's only you who get hurt. And your excessively high expectations can also become a disadvantage to the destruction of the relationship.
As a daughter-in-law, it is common for people to help their husbands support their in-laws, but women should remember that they are not bottomlessly good to their in-laws, and they will appreciate it.
If you don't want to cause trouble for yourself and destroy the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, remember that the following four kinds of help must not help.
First, help in-laws take care of their children
It is a matter of course to help your husband support your in-laws together, but as a daughter-in-law, you have no obligation to help your in-laws support their children, and you must know what you should do and what you can't touch.
Helping in-laws to support their children will not only increase their own financial burden, in the long run, but also make them feel taken for granted, and there may be more excessive requirements in the future, such as buying a car and buying a house, if you don't do it, you will immediately turn your face and not recognize people, so that you will not care about your past kindness.
My friend Swallow is a good example. Because the mother-in-law is not in good health, the family's financial resources are all dependent on the father-in-law. Seeing that the little uncle was about to go to college, Swallow was afraid that her in-laws could not afford the tuition, so she offered to help her in-laws to bear her brother's tuition. As a result, not long after the school started, the uncle asked them for a mobile phone, and not long after, he brazenly offered to buy them a computer for himself.
Swallow was very angry, helping him pay the tuition was already a great gift to him, how could he not be satisfied, he wanted this and that. It seemed that he took it for granted that the two of them had an obligation to take care of him, after all, they had taken the initiative to take over the burden of raising him.
Second, help your in-laws keep money or manage your money
There is an old lady in our community, who is 92 years old, although she is old, she is energetic, athletic, and often picks up mineral water bottles in the garbage can to sell. The number of meetings increased, and everyone became acquainted.
During a chat, my mother asked curiously: "Old man, I see that you seem to have been living in this neighborhood, are you living with only one child?" Why didn't you go to the other children? ”
The old lady waved her hand and sighed, "Don't mention it, there are six children, but the other five are not willing to raise me, so I will live with my young son in this life." ”
Later, I inquired and learned that the old lady's daughter-in-law was from an accountant background and knew some financial management methods. The old lady was old and had no financial resources, so she fantasized about saving more money with her savings. When the other children found out, they had a big opinion, saying that the daughter-in-law had drugged the old lady and wanted to swallow her money alone, and they all broke off contact with the younger son's family, and took this opportunity to shirk the obligation to support the old lady.
Daughter-in-law is always an outsider, to recognize their own identity, as long as it is a matter of money, even if it is a piece of kindness, in the eyes of others are all intentions. Therefore, do not help your in-laws keep money or manage money for them.
Third, help your in-laws quarrel with their children
Children are the flesh that fell from the mother's body, no matter how bad it is, it is also the life he took in exchange for his pregnancy in October, and he cannot be allowed to say that he is not good at all.
Women should remember that even if the in-laws often say that they treat you as their own daughter, don't be too careful, at the critical moment, you will never be better than their own daughter, after all, blood is thicker than water.
My girlfriend Menglan is a very filial piety person, from a young age is a well-behaved daughter of her parents, after marriage, she is also taking care of her in-laws in every way, considerate and thoughtful. Once she went home to visit her in-laws, and after learning that the sister-in-law took the bracelet passed down from her mother-in-law to gamble, she was angry and pushed the sister-in-law to the ground.
I thought that I was kind enough to help my in-laws educate their children and would get their support, but because the shot was too heavy, the mother-in-law was distressed about her daughter, so she did not angrily accuse her: "My daughter educates myself, and it is not your turn to intervene as an outsider." After passing through this incident, Menglan deeply realized that her daughter-in-law will always be an outsider.
Fourth, help your in-laws to come up with ideas on important matters
As a daughter-in-law, you must be clear about your identity and status, and you should express your opinions when you should be silent, and be silent when you should be silent. Remember, in major matters, do not help your in-laws to come up with ideas, this time you must pretend to be confused.
A colleague of mine who played very well spat bitterly at me, saying that when the in-laws wanted to buy a house for their young son in the city, she heard that the university town would be a key development area in the future, and the house prices there were relatively low, so she suggested that the in-laws go there to see the house.
A few years later, there is still no trend of development there, and the little uncle often complains to his parents because his place of work is too far from home. The in-laws were wronged, so they sprinkled anger on her head. She now regrets it too much, she obviously made a good idea, and did not get any benefits, but now she has to bear the bad consequences, too wronged.
epilogue:
As a daughter-in-law, taking on the obligation of supporting her in-laws with our husbands is something we should have done. But women should remember that giving is wishful thinking, don't ask for anything in return, and don't expect your in-laws to treat you like your own daughter because of your thoughtfulness, in this matter, you will never be able to do a child who is related to her by blood.
Your identity determines your position and position in the family, and you must be clear about what to do and what not to do. Sometimes, more is better than less, Mingzhe to protect yourself, don't provoke yourself.
Those that should not help, you must leave it clean, otherwise the benefits will not be said, and it will also destroy the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, causing family conflicts, and the gains will not be worth the losses.
The four kinds of busyness mentioned above must be kept in mind, because a little carelessness will become the fuse for worsening the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Remember, remember!