Text/Snail Grid
Figure / source network, irrelevant to the text, invasion and deletion
-
There is a question on Zhihu: "What are the signs that a relationship is starting to deteriorate?"
One of the most praised answers was:
All relationships begin with silence, one does not ask, one does not say; one asks awkwardly, one answers perfunctorily; from nothing to say, to nothing to say. Until a two-way silence, since then dispersed.
Whether it is the estrangement of family affection, or the strangeness of friendship, or the despair of marriage, it is not formed overnight.
All relationships drift apart, there are traces to follow, and silence is the beginning of the relationship fading.
The separation of affection begins with silence
There is a saying on the Internet:
Silence is not because there is no emotion, but because there is no meaning to say it again.
In "Ideal City", Hongmei can never express her emotions in front of her family, and can only be silent.
Hongmei works in the city and stores all the money she earns with her mother, and returns to fetch it when she is ready to buy a wedding house. When she was ready to use the money, she learned that her parents had given her money to buy a house for her brother.
Hongmei wants to argue about the reason, but her parents think that she eats inside and outside, raises her, and actually wants to return the money to her brother to buy a house.
Hongmei was aggrieved, saying that the money for her marriage house was temporarily stored here in her mother, how it became money for her brother to buy a house.
She did not mention this matter everyone was very happy, as soon as she mentioned that she took the money back, the family all turned their faces, and her brother was also very unhappy and said: "Not hundreds of thousands, when I graduate to make money, I will pay you back." ”
Hongmei's trust and dependence on her relatives eventually became a needle in her life, not only stabbing herself, but also chilling her heart.
The relationship between relatives is constantly fighting, and it hurts continuously. For such relatives, Hongmei chose to be silent.
Hongmei's good friend Su Xiao has a good relationship with her parents.
Su Xiao did not work well in the unit, because of his upright personality, he was framed and fired by his superiors, and he had no way to find a job everywhere, which was very wronged.
At her lowest point, she would explain to her parents that work was not going well, and her parents would comfort her and express love and trust.
Her father came to visit her from her hometown, which made Su Xiao feel the love from her family and made her feel that her parents were her strongest backing.
When she became suspicious of herself, her parents recognized her integrity and encouraged Su Xiao to do what she wanted to do, and she received spiritual support to bravely and firmly adhere to her dreams.
When Su Xiao's work is not going well, when love encounters obstacles, and when her faith is shaken, she will take the initiative to share with her parents, and she will also get the silent support and affirmation of her parents.
The separation of family affection is never formed overnight, and after powerlessness, in the face of inseparable emotions, you can only choose to strip the relationship from the heart.
All the hard work is still not exchanged for warmth, and can only choose to strip yourself.
After trying all the methods, there is still no way to communicate the relationship, can only choose silence.
There are too many storms in the world, but there are very few relationships that can never be separated.
Family affection is the need to support each other, in the face of the hardships and trivialities of life, the support of relatives will make all problems solved.
A home full of laughter and laughter will always be the warmest haven in the world.
The silence of marriage begins with disappointment
It is often said that marriage is the graveyard of love, and real life also verifies this.
Book friend Xinxin shared his story with me.
Xinxin and her husband are from the same university, met in a job fair, came and went, and developed a lover's relationship.
The two people stayed in Suzhou through joint efforts, and although life was hard, they needed and respected each other.
In life, the two not only discuss and decide on the big things such as choosing a job and renting a house, but even buy a bed sheet, they all go to the online store together and put it in the shopping cart, and both of them are satisfied to buy it back.
Later, they bought a house and got married.
The days are hard to come by. However, after Xinxin gave birth to a daughter, his life changed.
Her husband no longer consulted her about everything as he had in the past, and Xinxin felt that he had been neglected because he had a child.
She hopes that her husband will accompany her and her children as much as in the past, but her husband often comes home later and later on the grounds that he is busy at work.
Xinxin often remembered the time when he and his husband chatted all night, so he prepared a hearty meal on the anniversary and took the initiative to call his husband, but all he got was a cold answer from his husband.
The phone also went from picking up and saying, "No time," to not answering, to hanging up.
New and new are getting more and more disappointed. When I met my husband, I complained more and more. She began to be suspicious of ghosts, and also found that her husband's so-called busyness was actually working overtime with female colleagues.
So she cried and cried, and her husband felt that going home was a kind of pressure. My husband traveled more and more frequently, and the safety phone was gone.
After a long time, the new and new are no longer noisy, and the two people obviously live under the same roof, but like strangers, there is no communication.
Later, Xinxin was disappointed again and again, and became more and more silent, putting more energy on the child, and gradually living a widowed parenting life.
Her husband also brought flowers to her daughter's birthday, but she was not happy.
As Zhang Ailing said:
Every love story always begins as brilliant as a flower, and ends with silence.
Good feelings start from being willing to share, and there are thousands of ways to communicate, but liking to communicate is the beginning of mutual attraction.
Poor marriages begin with silence, and each other loses the desire to speak. Silence in itself is an attitude of extreme disappointment.
In marriage, all the silence is superimposed on the accumulated disappointment.
Before the silence, those fragments of life, the talking and singing between the two, are all part of life's fun.
Once the marriage falls silent, it is too long and too much disappointment, and it is also a wake-up call for the marriage to end.
The silence of friendship begins with isolation
Barkin said:
Silence tends to alienate oneself from one's friends, while warm talk and freedom bring one closer to one another.
In Firefly Alley, Tully is a public figure and her best friend Katie is a full-time wife.
Tully often invites his friends' husbands to work outside, and often takes his friends' daughters in and out of high-end places, but his family friends do not want Tully to interfere too much in his family life.
But Tully went his own way, completely disregarding the feelings of his friend Katie and buying luxury items for his friend's daughter.
As a result, the husband of her friend Katie is absent from family life, and the daughter hates her for not being independent and extremely rebellious.
As a result, the two have a gap, become more and more silent, and the friendship has entered a dilemma.
Friend Koki talked about her experience:
She has a close friend, the only one who gives her a book as a gift, twenty years of friendship, all of Xiaomu's bitter friends in life have never been absent.
Once, when a friend's mother was abused by her father, Kokimoto wanted to comfort her and reminded her friend many times to buy trauma medicine for her mother.
The friend thinks that Xiaomu is watching his own jokes, because this is the most embarrassing aspect of himself, coldly rejects Xiaomu's proposal, and persuades Xiaomu to leave.
Xiao Mu thought that his friend was in a bad mood, failed to understand his friend's emotions, and the friendship gradually drifted away.
Xiao Mu put his friend WeChat to the top, repeatedly brushed the circle of friends, and repeatedly clicked on the dialog box, but he could no longer see a full of dialogue.
The alienation of friendship has a cause, the words are not open, the meaning is not exhausted, one thinks he can understand, the other thinks he does not want to say.
Over time, from dissatisfaction with small things, to reluctance to see behavior, and finally from meeting without saying anything, to face to face without words.
The collapse of friendship begins with no longer sharing. I don't want to hear anything you say, and I don't want to explain anything.
Friendship needs to support each other, help each other, and trust each other. To show a refusal to communicate is to build a door and a lock on the relationship.
All the silence of friendship begins with blocking communication with each other.
▼
In life, people who care about and love deeply are often separated because of poor communication.
In the more than 30,000 days of life, there are so many people who have passed by us, and those who can stay around and put in our hearts are our most important people.
While the time is still there, when you and I are not old, love well when we can love.
Around friends who have been together for a long time, hug when it is time to hug, and in front of the people you love deeply, you should say love and say love you.
Feelings are often scattered because they are not true; friends are often far away because of regret; relatives are often diluted because they do not understand.
Don't hurt each other, dilute feelings, and ruin relationships because of silence.
Trivial time, more understanding, more tolerance, more cherishing.
May every feeling be long-lasting in this fireworks, and every relationship be cherished.