As the baby grows older, she has more ideas of her own, and often comes up with new ideas, which on the one hand will bring us surprises, but on the other hand, it will make us very nervous about how to deal with some of their outrageous requirements. Today, a small method can effectively deal with the "outrageous demands" of the baby.
A while ago, my good friend sent me homework from her first-grade daughter and asked me what I should do. The content of the homework was to ask for a mind map after reading the picture book, and she was a little confused.
I told her that it wasn't difficult to do this at all, but the core essence of mind mapping is divergent thinking.
Today's teachers actually attach great importance to exposing children to mind maps, such as the stage of OK learning multiplication, and teachers have also let them draw mind maps. (The following picture is an example of the teacher)
And what I want to say is that it's not just babies, we need to use it ourselves in parenting. For example, when we are young, we will always struggle with whether we should meet their requirements, and seek a balance and pinch between satisfaction and dissatisfaction. But with the age of the baby, our communication with the baby can not only stay in the dimension of "satisfaction or not satisfaction", it is completely possible to use the "divergent thinking" mode of mind map to help us quickly solve the dilemma of dealing with children, and will not enter an impasse.
Last April and May I went out to meet the next door neighbor's daughter Anqi was also out, she was dressed normally, but a pair of thick small boots with lamb hair on her feet were particularly eye-catching, and then the mother who followed her began to count her, good sneakers are not worn, I have to turn out such thick boots to wear: "Tell me, 'Wear different shoes every day, I really don't know what to think.'" What can I do about this? ”
Usually when we encounter children who put forward relatively high material requirements, the first reflection is the binary thinking of the neighbor:
Either go along with the child's wishes; or find a way to make the child give up the "wrong" idea.
But often, either way, it will make you tangled.
For example, when Angel says, "Wear different shoes every day", the mother follows Angel's wishes, then it becomes "her own problem" - do you want to wear different shoes for your children every day? Then there will be new questions, will this promote the child's vanity and comparison? If you feel that this is inappropriate, the mother will tend to persuade the child to give up, but saying a lot of exhortations is not good, it is not easy to make money, etc., the probability is that the chicken and the duck talk, the child can not listen to it at all.
▽ Take the diagram below to illustrate our thinking path
In fact, when we encounter the problem of children running over, the correct approach is not to rush to take over the "problem", let alone rush to "solve the problem", but to let the child think and make decisions on their own.
If you use the divergent thinking of the mind map to cope with Anqi's requirement of "wearing different shoes every day", the mother's approach can be completely like this:
1. Take stock of existing shoes with your child, can you wear different shoes every day under existing conditions? See how many are suitable for this season, let the child think about how to wear, such as only two pairs of shoes, wear A today, wear B tomorrow, and wear A the day after tomorrow, so is it also a different shoe every day?
2. Ask your child: What should I consider in addition to shoes? For example, the same pair of shoes with different socks, socks, socks, stockings, stockings of different colors, is there also a different effect?
3. Ask your child, if some child has only one pair of shoes, what do you think he should do? Asking this question will give the child a new perspective of thinking: there are still children who have less than I have, what if it is me? The child's empathy is reinforced in the process, and perhaps something will be understood.
4. Ask your child, what do you think it's like to wear different shoes every day? What do you need to do to prepare for this? For example, buying a lot of shoes, you need to find a place to store, maintain, clean, take care of the feeling of each pair of shoes... It involves money and energy, so who pays for it? Let your child understand that behind everything that seems "taken for granted" is a payoff that you can't see.
5. According to the actual situation, discuss the "New Shoe Plan" with your child. For example: "We now have two pairs of shoes for this season, and my mother thinks that it is enough to change them, but if you have the shoes you like more, we can also buy a new pair, which is cooler and can be worn in early summer." At the end of this month, we will go to the shoe store together, you can choose. ”
Here are just examples, in fact, we can explore more problems. Of course, in the face of the real situation, it is not necessarily "all-encompassing", not necessarily a list of 5 or 6, but once the mind is opened, it is no longer limited to "this is the problem I want to solve", and the communication with the child will be opened. So, what bothers us is not the problem itself, but our dualistic thinking. In fact, in addition to dealing with the child's "outrageous" requirements, using divergent thinking to do daily chat with the child is the most beneficial approach.
Finally, to sum up.
All communication is based on two principles –
1. The child's problem makes the child think to propose a solution, and we need to play a role more like a host: ask the question and trigger thinking.
2. Expand the dimension of your child's thinking. Wear different shoes every day, and if you use a solidified single thinking, it becomes: buy a lot of shoes. After opening my mind, I found that there can be more angles of discussion on this issue.
The real purpose of this is to teach children to be autonomous, including thinking about problems and coming up with solutions. In the long run, how much space you give your child autonomy, how self-disciplined the child is.
Therefore, overcoming your own dualistic thinking and "talking" with your children is sometimes very meaningful!