Children who make mistakes have to fight, do not fight can not be a tool, do not fight and do not have a long memory, many parents think so, also do this.
As a child's mother, I can especially understand the kind of madness that children do wrong things and bring to parents.
However, scolding may work instantly, but why is the child temporarily obedient? As a parent, have you ever thought about it?
That's because when you feel that your child is calmed by your high pressure, and when you grow up and feel that he has the ability to compete with you, that rebellious and repressed emotions will explode and the consequences will be unimaginable.
Let's start by looking at the story of a child's mistakes and see how the mother handled it
This mother loves to raise flowers very much, and the family has a lot of them.
One day after work, when my mother went to water the flowers, she found that the pot of rhododendrons she liked was missing many branches.
There is only a 5-year-old son In the family, Xiao Li, needless to say, it must be Xiao Li gan.
"Xiao Li, come here, why are there fewer branches in this pot of flowers?" Mom asked.
Xiao Li replied, "Mom, I put it in that flowerpot." ”
Looking in the direction of xiao Lizhi, my mother found that not only the pot of rhododendrons, but also the branches of the pot of sunflowers were much less.
At this time, my mother wanted to get angry with Xiao Li, beat him up, and ruin such a good flower as her.
But on second thought, scolding was useless, so I resisted and wanted to hear why the child did this.
"Xiao Li, why did you plant them in a flower pot?" Mom asked.
"That pot of azaleas is about to bloom, and if you do this, not only will it not bloom, but it may also die!" Mom continued.
"No, Mom. We cut the branches of the sunflowers at school and inserted them in another pot, and a new one grew. ”
"The teacher said, this is called grafting. When I was in class, I thought that my mother liked azaleas, and I would plant them for you when I got home, so that I could grow more! Xiao Li said hurriedly.
Xiao Li said this, making his mother both angry but also thinking that the child was cute, but his mistake, his mother immediately helped him correct.
"Xiao Li, not all flowers can grow from a branch. But the way you dare to try and the filial piety to your mother, your mother has already felt it. ”
After saying that, my mother also explained to Xiao Li clearly why the sunflower can be inserted, while the azaleas cannot be inserted, and what are the precautions for grafting.
Although Xiao Li destroyed his mother's azaleas, the mother did not criticize Xiao Li's behavior, let alone immediately scold.
Because she knew that Xiao Li's rich imagination and filial piety were far more precious than a pot of flowers.
Therefore, scolding is not education, it is a big pit, and it only works in the short term for disciplining children who make mistakes.
But some parents may say that I have spoken to him 100 times in a pleasant and cheerful voice, but what if he still does not listen?
That's because you didn't talk well, didn't learn how to talk to your children step by step, talk about ideas.
Cocoa Mom today teaches you to ask the child who makes mistakes 7 questions, step by step, and the order should not be disrupted.
Use well, for children to make mistakes, as a parent you will no longer be distressed.
The first question is, what happened?
If the child makes a mistake, ask the reason first, give the child a chance to speak, and let the child talk about what happened from his point of view.
Be sure to give your child a chance to speak, rather than coming up and judging, criticizing, or even admonishing, and once you do, the rebellious child will immediately confront you.
Many times, it is also possible to wrongfully accuse the child, or the child is unintentionally making mistakes, or it is good to do bad things, and you will not be so angry when you know the reason, and you can better know why the child can make mistakes.
Second question, how do you feel now?
That's what we often say, you have to deal with emotions before you can solve them.
You want your child to express his emotions, and you can also make him feel that you are very concerned about his feelings, so that when you say something later, the child is willing to listen.
At the same time, if you want your child to know how to control his emotions, you must give him the opportunity to recognize emotions and describe his emotions, which is also a kind of catharsis in itself, only when we understand his emotions, it will help to solve the problem better.
Third question, what do you think?
Let the child vent his emotions, and then give the child the opportunity to express, which is also exercising the child to dare to say his own ideas.
Here, be sure to encourage your child to express his true views so that he feels respected as an individual.
When a person feels respected, he will easily communicate with you, especially children.
Fourth, what do you think should be done?
This question is to inspire children to think independently, but also to give children opportunities and space.
Let the child participate in the discussion of the topic, then you can brainstorm with the child and discuss various ideas, no matter how absurd the idea is.
Of course, in this process, parents can guide their children to solve problems.
Fifth, what are the consequences if you do this?
By allowing the child to calmly analyze where the consequences are good and where the bad are, give him a chance to digest and think.
You will find that in fact, children understand the consequences of things.
If there is still a gap between your child's cognition and reality, as a parent, you can take the opportunity to discuss with him and let him understand the reality and the truth.
At the same time, by guiding the child to calmly analyze, let the child examine his own choices and judgments, so that he understands that his behavior needs to be held responsible.
Sixth, have you decided to do this?
A lot of positive guidance and preparation has been done in the front, and you have cleverly guided a lot of your ideas to the child.
At this time, you have to return the opportunity to the child again, so that the child feels that this decision is my own thought, I want to do it myself, there is no sense of compulsion by high pressure, so in the long run, he can truly have a corresponding sense of responsibility.
Usually at this time, the child will make the most reasonable and sensible choice, but even if the choice does not meet our expectations, as long as it is not too outrageous, or there are no serious consequences, we can propose it, but in the end, we must respect the child's choice.
The child hits the wall a few more times, and he knows that his parents have not deceived him, and he will trust his parents more, so it is also beneficial to let the bullets fly for a while.
Seventh, what do you want your parents to do for you?
The last question is very important, it is a way to express support and empathy.
Let the child clearly feel the support and support of the parents for themselves, and know that behind them, there is always the support and love of the parents.
When children make mistakes, it is precisely the opportunity for our parents to exert correct guidance and education, do not slap, and give this educational opportunity flying.
Through these seven questions, the child can become an independent personality, a free mind, a spirit of daring to take responsibility, and at the same time, he is very secure in his heart, because how, behind it, there is also the support of parents and mothers.
These seven questions, like a mathematical problem, is a process of layer-by-layer guidance and analysis, which is very logical, which can make children master the ability to solve problems and have the courage to bear the consequences, so that children can grow up after making mistakes.
What do you think about how children make mistakes? Feel free to share it with you in the comments section!
I am Cocoa, pay attention to me, learn more about parenting.