#如何解决婚姻中的难题 #
My lover and I were classmates, and later when we were about to graduate from college, we met and talked about each other on the Internet.
At first, I didn't call him, but simply got along as a classmate.
Every time I go to school for computer classes, I always meet him who is also on the Internet.
I learned later,
He has been waiting for QQ to go online, looking for an opportunity to confess.
I was surprised, but I was not disgusted, and in the process of chatting, I found that he was very caring and rational.
The analytical problems have plates and eyes, which is very much in line with my aesthetics as a science student.
So we started a 4-year relationship, got married in 2015, and have been in love for 7 years now.
These 7 years,
Initially I believed that marriage was the graveyard of love
Because we quarreled, he never apologized.
Halfway through, I believed that marriage was a matter of two families
Because I had a dog, my in-laws didn't agree, and we almost got divorced.
Finally, I believe that marriage needs to be run together.
Because we can't keep up with each other's rhythms, there are many misunderstandings.
It is not until the birth of our son that our strength is brought together, the marriage is glued, and the feelings are warmed.
It turned out that only a piece of paper was needed to step into the grave
Before getting married, as a boyfriend, he was cautious about me.
once
I thought I'd found the man in the whole world who treated me the best
。
Even surpassed my parents because it was a small thing for him to wash and cook for me.
I didn't bother to wash my hair, he washed me
, bought a massage chair for me, the feeling of lying on the massage chair to wash my hair, was really good.
I didn't want to eat, he would run all over the city, searching for fresh dishes and taking me to taste.
I have painful menstruation, he will look up information online and tell me the precautions.
Basically I can't fault anything about what he can do.
As soon as I was out on vacation, he couldn't wait to take me to see my parents.
When we first met, the lover's father went to the market and prepared fruits and snacks.
My lover's mother made a table of dishes and greeted me meticulously.
I thought it was meeting parents for the first time, so they paid extra attention to first impressions.
Later, I went there a few times, as always, as I did, as i did.
Without hesitation, I agreed, and after getting married, my in-laws went out to work.
The two of us continued to live in the world, but unconsciously we found that many things had changed their taste.
No gifts for birthdays, no greetings for holidays, hair to wash yourself...
Even clothes have to be worn but not changed by the lover to wash...
We have quarreled and quarreled over this, but the lover has not changed.
It should be said that there is no going back to the past.
I began to doubt that the harmony and warmth of my family were all illusions.
Gradually accepting the reality, marriage is really the graveyard of love.
I stood in front of the tomb and remembered the past, tears falling like rain, and my lover was like that cold tombstone, not moving.
Almost divorced because of a dog
Before the smoke of the war in the world of two had dissipated, I was forced into a dispute between two families.
My mother-in-law is outside the province, and she is still concerned about my task of passing on the lineage.
Almost the next day I had to call my mother to give birth, and my mother just relayed it to me.
Half a year later, my stomach still did not move, and my in-laws used the excuse to come back to see us, the purpose of which was to promote children.
It's just that because I have a pet dog, it has become an additional problem.
Dogs have become the focus of contention because mothers-in-law do not know who to hear that having a dog affects the birth of children.
So, stubbornly believe that I have been married for more than a year without children because I have a dog.
That year, I became popular in the eyes of two families and friends.
Relatives who went to the New Year, the seven aunts and eight aunts all advised me to throw the dog away.
combine
Listed countless dog-owning harms and even warned me that a divorce because one dog wasn't worth it.
I was completely in a state of blindfolding, and the word divorce lingered in my mind for a long time.
I have a dog that threatens the marital relationship, and I can't stand it.
I asked my lover, "If I want to have a dog, I have to divorce you, right?" ”
The lover said, "No, they say something nonsense, don't believe it." ”
I said firmly, "Your relatives dare to say this, but it is not at your mother's behest." ”
The lover said, "She didn't mean that..."
Before he could finish speaking, I understood that my mother-in-law was going to use the dog to tell me this time, and I couldn't decide my own affairs.
I growled and told my lover, "Tell you, if you can't tolerate this dog, we'll divorce." ”
My lover was frightened by me and called my mother.
When my mother found out, she didn't help me, but told me to give the dog away and not to do it.
Dad was even more blunt: "For a dog divorce, you don't want a face, we still want, pass it out, where do we put our faces?" ”
It was the first time my dad had said such a heavy word to me after I graduated.
I realized that marriage was not only a grave, but also a bondage between two families.
Marriage requires a common goal
In order to be able to dominate my own life in the future, I will not give in and do not compromise.
There was a big fight, the lover and the mother-in-law had a good conversation, this was the first time after marriage, he made me feel that he loved me.
Because of this, I decided to have a baby, maybe sincerely, and at the end of the year I became pregnant.
The mother-in-law no longer harassed her mother, and her mother was happy.
After the birth of our son, we barely managed to finish two years.
In the blink of an eye, my son was two years old, and at this time, I found him timid and cowardly.
A child who should be spoiled in the arms of his parents will actually look at my face and try to please me.
I was surprised and gradually realized the seriousness of the problem.
I think back to the past two years, my lover and I quarreled for him.
Most of the reasons are for who takes the kids to play quarrels.
this
Neither of us had the patience to yell at our son.
The cowardice of my son, we are all responsible, but I found the problem first.
The process of change is painful,
I learned to be patient, I learned to communicate, I learned to persuade, I learned to lead by example...
The most taboo between husband and wife is the Cold War and silence.
I told my lover that my son's problems were serious and pointed out my son's specific problems, which he agreed with.
Next, I think we should divide the work and cooperate, and I am responsible for cultivating my son's reading habits.
The lover is responsible for playing with his son and taking his son to exercise.
After more than a year of perseverance, my son's changes were amazing, and I showed off my exploits to my lover.
He didn't demean me, but gave me a thumbs up.
Now that my son is almost 5 years old, occasionally, my lover will rob me of my work and supervise my son's practice.
Most of the time, my son was willing to be with him, and he embraced it.
We don't argue here about our son, let alone over family trivia.
Because my lover trusts me, I need him too, and we have a common goal, which is my son.
Conclusion
It is not easy for two people to meet, why is it him and me?
None of us were blind, and none of our choices were wrong.
Marriage is not a graveyard of love, but a reincarnation of love.
Because of samsara, we can have the opportunity to grow again, and we can gain new strength.
Because of samsara, we can be reborn and reborn in nirvana.
In the long cycle of grinding, we are not competing with reality, but with ourselves and becoming better selves.
Don't complain, don't regret, and don't be hysterical.
Be brave enough to communicate, to change, to grow.
Happiness does not have long feet, it has always existed in our hearts.