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In 2010, my father was hospitalized for cancer when I was 25 years old.
When I am not busy at work, I often run to the hospital, but I dare not stay in the ward for a long time, my father, who was once so tall, suddenly fell down, I did not dare to face such a situation, the burden of the family instantly pressed on me, and I often lost sleep at night.
Although relatives do not often talk about this illness, we have also done psychological construction in our hearts and know that the time is not long.
On the night of my father's departure, my mother cried at the bedside for a whole night, and my mother, who was once so strong, seemed to have become a child who had lost sugar at this moment, desperately telling her inner bitterness and reluctance, and her emotions also collapsed from the beginning, hysteria into a silent sluggishness, and I also wanted to cry that day, but looking at my mother like this, I could only swallow the tears into my stomach.
Graph source network
Time will erase all the pain, a year later, because of the marriageable age, my mother began to introduce me to a variety of blind dates, and her mouth kept saying: "Your father's biggest regret is that he didn't watch you start a family", I felt very guilty, thinking that my mother was at this age, it was very okay to find someone to accompany her.
I got married after 5 months of acquaintance with a girl I introduced.
When a man faces marriage and career at the same time, most of the time can not be taken care of, 26 years old, no money, which makes me fall into infinite anxiety, so most of the time is outside the work, the bitterness at work is all in the heart, not to anyone, including my wife at the time.
The two of us did not have a very strong emotional foundation, most of us were looking for someone to live together, and it was for this reason that after the marriage lasted for 1 year, it ended up fiasco.
What does a failed marriage mean for a 27-year-old man?
I was very decadent at the time, I didn't do anything, and my friend saw me in this state for more than a month and proposed to me, "Do you want to change the environment and work?" His words were like a life-saving straw, I began to feel that going out, may be a good choice, as for the people and things that have not been solved, I did not want to understand, all of them were left by me in my hometown where I lived for more than 20 years.
Because I was a friend I had known for a long time, I didn't worry too much, so I went to Nigeria together at his suggestion.
Lagos/Source Network, Nigeria
Life in Nigeria is not very different from what I imagined, except for the people I came into contact with, from Chinese to Africans.
The work content is not difficult, I also do this line in China, but it is much easier than the domestic work. There are more complicated maintenance work is in addition to my hands, some simple and easy to operate work is handed over to my black apprentices, I basically go home once a year, my mother is in good health, but also let me worry a lot less about being outside.
After working in Nigeria for 2 and a half years, the change in my attitude towards life was undoubtedly the biggest.
Before, I was a very wooden person who held everything in my heart, and I thought things were more pessimistic. But after coming here, I found that Africans and we are very different, and we will enjoy the day in one day, and I will not worry too much about what happens after that.
Especially my apprentices, they know my situation, I teach them at work, they take care of me in life, when I rest, they often ask me to play with other Chinese, stay with them, life is always very fun, slowly, affecting my attitude towards life.
When I met my friend in Nigeria, when I met him at home, I gave him a nickname--- hammer, because he said that he had to add a hammer to the back, such as "to make a hammer", "find me to make a hammer", etc., and it has not changed in Nigeria.
Because we come from a place, our hearts are more inclined to speak to each other, after all, unfamiliar people, normal friendship on the line, too many deep friends will cause unnecessary trouble.
He is 2 years older than me and life has given me a lot of advice. As I grew older, I gradually understood a lot of things, especially what happened in the past, and I often reflected, if it wasn't so good, would the ending be different?
In 2015, I returned home from Nigeria, and although it was a chance stay abroad, it changed the direction of my life.
At the age of 25, I thought I would simply spend my life in China, but after 5 years, I wanted to see the bigger world.
And this time I didn't choose to go back to Africa, I always wanted to go to other countries to see, so I chose Australia.
When many people go out to work, in addition to Africa, most of them will choose Australia or New Zealand, which is relatively simple to get a visa than other developed countries, and it is easier to live in the local area.
Repairing a car in Australia requires a fairly good level of English and a local craft certificate, which of course does not meet my criteria. Because I had a relative understanding before I went, my psychological gap was not large.
Sydney Chinatown/Source Network
I work as a waiter at a Chinese restaurant in Sydney, and my daily job is to serve dishes, simple but repetitive. However, a restaurant can't schedule me every day, and in order to make more money, I can only work in several Chinese restaurants at the same time, almost all year round.
I work with many Australian international students, some of them are experiencing life, some are to reduce the burden on their families, looking at the expectations for the future in their eyes, they feel that their hearts are much younger.
I didn't work very long in Australia, I was too old to do such a high-intensity job for a long time, and I went back to Nigeria to continue my old business.
As my mother got older, in 2019, I chose to return to China, accompany her, spend the second half of my life, for my marriage events, she no longer often mentioned, fortunately my sister has been married, which makes me feel less guilty.
After returning home in 2019, I didn't go out again.
If the future life is completed by one person, then why pursue poetry and distant places? After all, my poems are already around, and what I have to do is to accompany her and then live myself well.