A parent shared with me his child's story:
Every time the child did something wrong, before the parents could speak, he immediately turned around or ran into the room, getting angry with himself, sometimes crying, and muttering "Hum, hum, blame you...".
My parent friend was caught off guard, and if I went to him and said it, I wouldn't be able to get a chicken and dog jump. If you ignore him, and you are afraid of being cold and violent to him, it will also encourage his unreasonable trouble.
It's very similar to a story I've heard. The story goes like this:
A person wants to borrow an axe from a neighbor, but is worried that the other party will not lend it to him, and he urgently needs this tool, so he hesitates to go to the neighbor's door.
Just after pressing the doorbell, I suddenly remembered that I had a misunderstanding with the neighbor's house a few days ago, and he would definitely not lend something to himself. As a result, when the neighbor just opened the door and wanted to ask him what was wrong.
The man said viciously: Put away your axe! Then he turned his head and left, confusing his neighbors.
The child my friend is talking about is somewhat similar to the man in the story, who has not yet reached the point of full mutual trust with his parents. Or the child subconsciously believes that the parents will not understand themselves and will definitely blame themselves.
Once he has done something wrong, the child does not dare or want to face his parents, so the scene described in the question appears.
Parents should adjust their mentality, allow their children to do wrong things, and calmly communicate with their children.
If the child is willing to communicate, parents should first empathize with the child's emotions:
"Mom and Dad are very angry and sad to see you, and it is also like this when Mom and Dad encountered such things when they were young. It's okay, you can get angry and sad. ”
Stay with your child until the mood calms down. If the child is not willing, then do not disturb the child, let the child calm down on his own, and then communicate with the child.
When communicating, be sure to explain to the child that it is normal to make mistakes, that you allow it, and that you do not blame the child. In the same way, tell me about the mistakes you made when you were young.
In communication, the focus is on the child's future, and what should he do if the child is asked to do it again. Discuss with your child how much is possible and how to do it.
In the process of family education, parents must allow children to try and make mistakes, and children are in the process of continuous trial and error, gaining experience and growing. We need to know the role of self-examination in front of children:
If the child makes a mistake and does not show remorse, it may be that he really does not know where he is wrong, and the child is very young. For example, many children are particularly excited at night, making noise or shouting in the house.
We can tell the child: the neighbors are sleeping, it will affect the neighborhood rest, will cause the neighborhood to breed disputes, and even more, disturb others to rest at night, the lawbreaker, serious criticism of the child. We must teach by example that instead of punishing the child, let the child calmly recognize that he has made a mistake.
As a parent, the first thing to educate is the stability of emotional state, so as to ensure that when the child has a problem, he or she will be given the appropriate response and coping strategy.
In the process of family education, parents must allow children to trial and error, and children are in the process of continuous trial and error, gaining experience and growing.
As the saying goes, "Good medicine is good for the sick, and good advice is good for the ear." ”
Regarding family parenting, if you have more insights, you can leave a message in the comment area to communicate~
Share articles with friends and family who have children around you to help them improve family relationships.
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[Author of this article]: Secretary Zhang of Orangutan Village
[Original Statement]: Some of the content of the article is excerpted from the Network, if there is infringement, please contact the author to correct and delete.
[Column Introduction]:
"Orangutan Ball Has Something to Say" is a parent-child education column of the new media channel under "Orangutan Ball Village". We aim to help more families improve their parent-child relationship and let the flowers of the motherland have a good childhood.
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