Some parents asked me: Teacher Yun'er, since the child went to the hospital to be diagnosed with depression, some parents asked me: Teacher Yun'er, since the child went to the hospital to diagnose depression, he will never go to school again, and the mobile phone at home will not leave his hand, and parents will buy this and buy that. Parents do not buy it and start to make a lot of trouble, either they are making a big fuss, dropping things, or even scolding parents, or they are going to die or live, and the days cannot pass. We parents have become his slaves, eating and drinking every day.
Teacher Yun Er
The children I came into contact with who did not go to school were diagnosed with depression, schizophrenia, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, personality disorder and so on. However, no matter which one is diagnosed, basically no one goes to school. Either it is said very well today, tomorrow will definitely go to school, the result is that the next morning can not get up, some are up, headache, stomach pain, diarrhea, numbness, rapid heartbeat, sweating, what kind of symptoms are there, this is called anxiety of the body reaction.
Some children have a fairly good academic performance before. In fact, the good academic performance of these children is not out of interest in learning, but a "hobby of seeking praise", referred to as praise addiction. That's what Carol Dweck called praise that hurts children. Many parents and teachers, because of the influence of the so-called appreciation education, believe that praise and praise for children can make children motivated and motivated. These cheap praises cause the child's cognitive distortion and obtain a temporary psychological pleasure, and once you do not get this praise and praise for a long time, you see that others continue to get this praise and praise, so you cannot psychologically accept the status quo.
Shanshan has been praised as a "smart and clever" since she was a child, a beautiful person, a good learner, and a class leader, so teachers and classmates call her "little talented girl". However, since the second year of junior high school, Shanshan has felt that it is difficult to study, her grades have been declining, and she often has insomnia. Once a math test scored 65 points, the math teacher called her to the office to criticize her for not listening carefully to the lectures in class, often wandering, what is she trying to do? More and more unpleasant. The class teacher continued to criticize her, saying that she had changed, had become unconscious, had snoozed in class, and was it that she did not sleep and play games at night? Is it early love? Now she is becoming less and less self-respecting and has removed her as class leader. Moreover, the class teacher also guarded Shanshan to call her mother and criticize the parents for letting the child go.
The next day, Shan said she had a headache and couldn't get out of bed, so she asked her mother to take her leave. Mom didn't know what the situation was, and she thought she was upset because the teacher called her parents. My mother said: In fact, Teacher Zhang is also for your own good, and hates iron not steel. He is anxious to see your grades drop, and you have to understand him. Teacher Li of Mathematics has always cared so much about you, and he criticizes you in order to stimulate your fighting spirit and use the radical method to make you feel ashamed and then brave. Unexpectedly, Shanshan covered her head with a quilt and yelled at her mother: Get out, get out. As if frightened, My mother stood there in a daze for ten minutes without saying a word. She only felt a darkness in front of her eyes. Where is the Shanshan who is called "little talented girl" by neighbors, classmates, colleagues, relatives, and friends! What the hell is wrong with Sansan?
For three days in a row, Shanshan did not go to school. Teacher Zhang and Teacher Li both called to ask about the situation, but Shanshan was like a piece of wood, saying nothing, which was sad for Mom and Dad. Shanshan's aunt is a person who has more experience, and she has a friend's child who has suffered from depression. She reminded Shanshan's parents that they should go to the hospital's psychology department to check whether Shanshan was suffering from depression.
Mom and Dad and Shanshan said to go to the hospital psychology department to check it out, but they didn't expect Shanshan to agree very happily. The diagnosis of the department of psychology is severe anxiety, major depression. Doctors prescribed antidepressant, anti-anxiety, and sleep-assisting medications to Shanshan. Shanshan's parents felt that the sky had fallen.
After returning home, Shanshan asked her parents for her mobile phone, saying that she had learned to check the information. Mom gave her her her phone. Mom's mobile phone is too inconvenient to use, and Shanshan told her mother to buy herself a mobile phone to learn. As soon as her parents discussed, she did not go to school, she could also study at home, so she bought a mobile phone for Shanshan.
However, after Shanshan had this mobile phone, it was like opening Pandora's box, and for Shanshan's parents, a nightmare that did not know when it would end began. Shanshan's transformation process is a vicious experience of changing from an angel to a devil.
When Shanshan first got the new mobile phone, she could still check math problems, language problems, and English words according to the words promised to her parents, but in less than two weeks, her mother found that she did not use it to study, play games every day, and sleep later and later. Whenever her mother urged her to learn to read, she was very impatient. In the third week, Shanshan closed her door.
In the fourth week, the class teacher came to visit the house, and Shanshan did not even come out of the door.
One day, Shanshan told her mother that she wanted to buy a dress and let her mother help pay for it. Mom looked at the pictures sent, where are the clothes that middle school students should wear! More than 2,000 cheongsams. Before her mother could speak, Shanshan said it herself, and she went to school after buying this cheongsam. Mom said, can you wear this cheongsam to school? Shanshan said, of course, there are counselors on the Internet who have said that for children with depression, parents should accept it, and let her do what she likes. If you don't buy it, I won't go to school. Mom and Dad discussed and bought her can really go to school? No way, I bought it. Shanshan had no credit at all, and she had no intention of going to school.
This was the most tormented month for Shanshan's parents, and Shanshan's huge changes made them puzzled. Shanshan black and white upside down, noon or even one or two o'clock to get up, breakfast, lunch, dinner want to eat, do not want to eat you can not ask her to eat, she also ignores you, when playing games there are talk and laughter, but also from time to time to say dirty words. Once, when Shanshan went to the bathroom, her mother gave her the opportunity to clean up, looked at her mobile phone to chat, and even chatted with a boy about some very revealing content, and also sent the boy his nude photos. Seeing these contents, my mother instantly felt that the sky was dark and almost fainted. Is this his own daughter? Is it? Is it? Is it really her? When mom told dad about it, dad also broke down instantly, they felt desperate, and their homeschool really failed.
The nightmare continues.
Shanshan looked at a pair of shoes, 2300 yuan, but these are men's shoes. Shanshan said that this is a meet and greet for a boyfriend who has just met online, because this boyfriend is her first boyfriend in life, and she has never felt a man's love for her before, and this time she feels it.
Shanshan's parents were adamantly opposed. However, Shanshan had no intention of compromise at all, picked up the water cup and smashed the TV directly, and threatened her parents to jump off the building, and her parents did not have any chance to explain.
A singer held a personal concert in Shanghai, and Shanshan and her little boyfriend booked airfare, tickets and accommodation costs totaling more than 7,000 yuan. The old trick is repeated, one cry, two troubles and three hangings, and the parents can only agree. The total cost of this week exceeded 10,000 yuan. In the future, Shanshan spends about 40,000 yuan almost every month, which is simply astronomical for such people whose parents just work to earn a dead wage.
Where is the simple cost of money, as long as Shanshan is not happy, she will accuse and insult her parents, saying how her parents abused her when she was a child, regardless of her feelings, she has endured for more than ten years, and now she must return it, and she can no longer bear it. Sansan's parents dared to be angry.
Mom and Dad now finally understand those Dink families, having such a child is simply not as good as not having children, every day when the ancestors are enshrined, do not dare to breathe loudly. They are desperate and do not know when it will be the end. At home, the husband and wife have no dignity, and they are afraid that others will know that their children have problems outside, and they feel humiliated, and they are afraid that their colleagues will ask Shanshan how she did in this exam? They can only make up some nonsense: the test is OK, the middle level. In fact, the upstairs and downstairs neighbors and colleagues have spread everywhere: Shanshan is no longer in school, dressed up in a fancy way, and messes with many boys.
In fact, Shanshan's situation has both psychological problems caused by psychological pressure and problems caused by parents' parenting habits for their children. As I mentioned earlier, many parents ignore the distortion of children's cognitive patterns caused by cheap praise, which lays serious hidden dangers for children's future growth, and once they can't get praise, they will turn to the other extreme. Then there is the bottomless satisfaction of parents for their children, as long as the child makes a fuss, the parents cannot adhere to the principle, which eventually leads to the parents giving in step by step. There is also a term for this in psychology: benefit from illness. Because I'm sick, I deserve it. The benefits of illness give themselves sufficient reasons to escape from reality and blindly ask for it.
Another point, which many people have overlooked, is that the medication prescribed by the doctor is not correct, causing Shanshan to develop manic symptoms. Obviously, Shanshan's situation of fooling around with many boys is a typical symptom of mania, not a character problem, and psychological problems can also have character disorders.
Finally, Sansan's aunt came to me and introduced me to Sansan's problems. Obviously, Shanshan's condition must be subjected to compulsory hospitalization system treatment. Of course, the hospitalization is for some serious children of this type, and in the hospital, because they can empathize, it is easy to come together and become good friends, which in turn brings great problems to the treatment after discharge.
Every year I remotely mentor more than ten cases of this type of forced treatment. In cases like Shanshan's, I don't recommend that parents directly participate in compulsory medical treatment. There have been many examples of children who could not solve the problem because their parents forced their children to seek medical treatment, resulting in children burying deep hatred for their parents. So what to do?
I told Shanshan's parents that when Shanshan asked for money again, her parents would firmly refuse. In this way, Shanshan beat up her parents, smashed furniture, and died or lived. At this time, the upstairs and downstairs are alarmed, and it is very reasonable to call the police. Of course, it was not the neighbor who called the police, nor the mother who called the police, but the alarm call made by Shanshan's aunt in the field. Had to give a thumbs up to our police uncle, and every time I instructed the police remotely, they were able to patiently listen to my opinions and suggestions. Moreover, the police have learned about psychology, and they have been exposed to more people with various psychological problems than we have, and they will soon understand these truths I have said. The children were basically second-by-seconds to see the police, and the police uncle escorted them all the way to the mental health center to arrange hospitalization. I also gave constructive advice on the doctor's medication.
Shanshan's case is a summary of hundreds of cases I have guided, and not every person with school refusal will behave like this, and may manifest itself in one or more of these conditions.
About Shanshan's later changes, I will explain in a future video.
It should also be mentioned here that in addition to depression and anxiety and the psychology of benefiting from illness, there is also a kind of cheating and artificial disorder. I'll explain in more detail about cheating and matrimonial disorders in a future video.
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