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"China News Weekly" reported that childhood depression has become a disease of the times, and the children's psychiatric department is crowded with small patients with depression.
In recent years, there have been a lot of news about children's depression, jumping off buildings, and inducing "suicide".
Many parents wonder: when we were young, we were also beaten and scolded, why did we not have psychological problems?
Today's children are also too difficult to raise!
So the question is, do previous children really have no psychological problems?
The answer is no.
So why do we have this illusion?
One is that there was no such concept or consciousness at that time.
For some extreme or abnormal behaviors of children, it is uniformly boiled down to "disobedience" and "thinking about it";
Second, at that time, information was not developed, people's living circles were limited, and they knew very little about people and things outside.
Although there is no data comparison, children today are indeed more likely to have psychological problems than previous children.
Why?
The needs of attention are different
In the past, being scolded was a common occurrence and a common phenomenon, and without contrast, there was no harm.
Moreover, the general lack of materials has made the previous children's needs focus on the lowest level of Maslow's psychological needs - physiological needs: to eat and wear warm.
In addition, in the past, there were more brothers and sisters in the family, and the parents were busy with their livelihoods, and they did not have much energy to take care of their children, let alone pay attention to their psychological problems.
Even if there is a little psychological problem, it will be soothed and released in the process of playing with friends and doing farm work.
Today's children, most of whom are only children, have no worries about food and clothing. A family of two generations of five or six people around a child, the child has a slight wind and grass, the whole family is a soldier, which will invisibly bring a certain psychological burden and suffocation to the child.
Moreover, the popularization of informatization has broadened the channels for children to obtain knowledge and developed children's minds. They pay more attention to their personality and whether their values are recognized and respected.
Compared with previous children, their needs have risen to the middle and advanced levels of Maslow's psychological needs — the need to belong, the need for respect, the need for self.
Sadly, the way parents and elders love their children is still to meet their material needs and take care of their daily lives.
American educator John Dewey said:
"If we educate our children in the past, we are depriving them of their future."
Therefore, when the parents' thinking cannot keep up with the pace of their children's growth, they will have the loneliness of not being understood, and they will also have the helplessness of not being able to realize their self-worth.
Wu Xieyu, a member of the Peking University mother-killing case, once said that during his father's illness, he wanted to share it for his mother, but he was told: "The only task you have when you are young is to study well." ”
The mother feels that she is doing everything for the good of the child, but this just deprives the child of the opportunity to realize his self-worth.
In fact, the love that children need is very simple, I don't want you to feel, I want me to feel, please see me and hear me.
Children who lack play in childhood
Prone to psychological problems
Professor Li Meijin said:
"Kids who can play tend to be better and do better academically."
But in real life, how many children's day, not in school, or in front of the small desk at home to brush the problem, there is almost no time to relax.
A few days ago, a little boy in Panzhihua, Sichuan Province, called 110 just to get a few words of comfort.
He cried and poured out: His mother beat him as soon as she saw that he was not studying.
Even if he had completed all his homework, his mother would force him to read and force him to study all the time.
He was depressed, aggrieved, depressed, and finally had an emotional breakdown, so he had to ask 110 for help, saying, "I want to leave my mother forever."
Children who are trapped by learning are impermeable, have no place to breathe, and are prone to psychological problems.
Kai Kai in the variety show "Dear Little Desk", only in the first grade, has various problems such as poor concentration, unsociability, and inferiority.
Until he watched Kai Kai's daily life, he didn't know that his extracurricular activities were all packed with learning, and he didn't have time to play with his friends or deal with his peers.
In just one vacation, his mother assigned him 376 sets of rolls, enrolled in three interest classes, and used the summer vacation of relatives' children to learn as an example, encouraging Kai Kai to look up to other people's children.
Children like Kai Kai are not in the minority in life.
They started studying at 7:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m., and wrote their homework in the evening until 11 or 2 o'clock.
Saturdays and Sundays are occupied by a variety of extracurricular classes, and they continue to bury their heads in learning.
This is a full day of learning, and it will take 12 years!
How many children can enjoy this year-round high-pressure learning state?
I often hear people on the Internet complain that the current children are fragile, glassy hearts, can't beat, scold, and if they are not satisfied, they will die or live.
But think about it, when we were young, we didn't have as many homework and exams as children now, and we wouldn't be criticized and nagged by our parents every day.
Even if we are scolded, we have time to run out and play, and once we play, we leave our troubles behind.
Just like a question that Zhihu saw:
In the past, children were also scolded and even beaten, why didn't they get depressed and jump off the building?
Thousands of answers can be summarized as one thing:
Although the children of the past were scolded and beaten, they had a lot of emotional outlets, and their lives in addition to studying also had laundry, cooking, taking care of younger siblings, running wild outside...
Yes, children's childhood, need to play, exercise, need vigorous vitality.
Only the more vigorous the vitality of the child, the more sunny the heart.
Childhood fun-loving children
The future is stronger inside
What is a truly happy childhood for a child?
I think it should be as Qian Zhiliang, a doctor of education, said:
"Have enough sleep to grow a good body;
There are many colorful activities, running freely, exercising freely, observing natural things with devotion, playing games with friends, or just quietly emptying, in a daze...
Such a life will make children full of excitement every day, feel the joy of life, and stimulate their inner vitality. ”
But now children live very monotonously:
Even after the "double subtraction", most children are school-family, two points and one line.
Entertainment is also more monotonous: mobile phones, computers, televisions, which are often seen as a thorn in the side of parents.
And now that there are fewer children per family than in the past, it is easier for parents to concentrate on education.
Under the two-way pinch, the child is hurt even more: the results are not good, and the parents will drill the horns as soon as they criticize; the old mobile phone, the parents will quarrel with the parents as soon as they criticize, and run away from home.
It's not that children have to make trouble, it's that their world is too small, and only a little thing is particularly big.
But children who can play are different.
He has many ways of pastime, and no matter how big things he encounters, he will not be easily crushed.
My colleague's son loves to play basketball, and in his words: there's no one game that can't be solved, and if one doesn't work, play two.
The bottom exam was not good, the playing ball was finished, and the person was fine.
His parents quarreled with him, and without saying a word, he went out to play ball, and when he returned, everyone was discouraged.
Last year, when he was a freshman in high school and began to live on campus, colleagues were worried that he was not used to living with his classmates for the first time, so he played two games of basketball with his roommates, and they became iron brothers with each other.
He lived a rich and fulfilling life every day, and cultivated a strong heart.
Stuart Brown, M.D., spent 42 years following and interviewing 6,000 people and found that:
Children who did not play freely when they were young will find it more difficult to adapt to their new environment when they grow up.
And those children who play freely, when they grow up, whether they have social skills, anti-stress ability, or problem-solving ability, are relatively strong.
Children who can play, whether in personality or behavior, are more relaxed and open.
They will not make themselves nervous, or fall into the drowsiness of brushing questions, exams, and adolescence, will not drill the horns at every turn, and can better adapt to the complexity of life.
So, if your child loves to play and make trouble, as long as it is not a matter of principle, let him go!
A child who can jump, laugh, and make trouble is more worrying for parents than a child who is fragile at heart.
The mood when studying is different
You know, each child's flowering period is different, accepting the child's imperfections, and encouraging the child to move forward with an appreciative attitude is the lifelong practice of parents.
Zeng Guofan, the head of the four famous ministers of the late Qing Dynasty, how stupid could he be when he was a child?
A text, he did not memorize two sentences on the jam, repeatedly until the middle of the night. As a result, the thieves lying on the beams of his house were forced to memorize, and he had not yet memorized them.
Such a child, if put into the present, does not know what kind of anger will make his parents. Fortunately, his parents were not so "chicken babies", otherwise, they might have strangled a generation of famous courtiers in the cradle.
Nowadays, many parents educate their children a bit like the lyrics of the song "the most beloved lover, but hurt me the most"!
Children are born passively, and the way they grow up is also passive. Because they have no financial ability, no ability to grow up alone, they have to passively accept all the control of their parents, no matter how reluctant and even fearful they are.
Isn't our original intention in creating a child that should make him happy?
Since you want him to be happy, give him unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, and unconditional support.
However, in reality, the actions of some parents make children feel that parents do not love the real "me", but love the "me" with excellent academic performance, and love the "me" that brings them face.
Once a child has this illusion, his heart will be very depressed, very painful, and even very desperate.
No matter what the situation, children will not stop loving their parents, but they will stop loving themselves and even hurting themselves.
A good parent should shift the focus from educating their children to self-improvement.
When you improve yourself well, you can bring your child a safe, happy and sound life.
Topic: What do parents think?
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