Emotions are a testament to being born unique, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's story is the same, hello! Hello, I am Lele, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
01
How far can a marriage mixed up by the original family go?
Some people say,
A good marriage is two people
Respective from
The original family was stripped away
Come out
Then assemble
One
New little family. This process involves cutting off the feelings of the original family
，
Put two different
“
system
"Run-in
for one
Brand new
"System".
This kind of stripping, in addition to requiring children to voluntarily withdraw from the original family, should also require the decent departure of both parents.
If the children already have their own small families, the parents of the original family always participate in the married life of their children, and even squeeze the one with good conditions from time to time to subsidize the child they like. Parents like this
Can you accept the behavior of "robbing the rich and helping the poor"?
I think most people will resist this situation in their hearts, but they will be forced to accept it because of the so-called parental sibling affection.
However, everyone must understand that after adults have their own small families, they must also learn to think more about their partners and children.
If blind
The exploitation of the original family and the use of the common income of the small family to subsidize the parents and siblings will only make the marriage decay.
Fortunately, Ah Jian (pseudonym) and his wife eventually learned to rebel and protect their marriage.
02
Ah Jian was born in an ordinary worker family, the eldest son of the family, and the most prominent of the many brothers and sisters in the family.
One sentence
"The eldest brother is like a father", so that Ah Jian was forced to take on more family responsibilities from an early age.
His parents came out early and returned home every day, took care of the lives of several younger siblings, cooked and fed them, took them to school, after school, and supervised their studies, which became the most important life fragment of Ah Jian's childhood.
Because of this, several younger brothers and sisters have always been very dependent on him, usually a little something, and they like to find his big brother to help instead of their parents.
His parents also because he is the eldest and filial piety, he did not give him much love in life, but more loved a few younger brothers and sisters who needed to be taken care of. There is something delicious in the family, it is first close to the younger sister, and there is a surplus before it will be his turn.
This favoritism has always been with him, even after he graduated from college and earned an income.
His parents often asked him for money to support the lives of other younger siblings. Even if several of his brothers and sisters have already established their own families, he will continue to be exploited by his parents because his wife and his wife's income is higher than that of other siblings.
The wife was quite dissatisfied with this.
The wife's native family is not rich, she also has a younger brother, although the monthly income is not much, but never easily to ask her and the family for help. After all
"Adult life, everyone is not easy" truth, but everyone who can carry it clearly understands.
But Ah Jian's parents did not feel the difficulties of the couple at all, and always held them
The mentality of "robbing the strong and helping the weak" is often
Help other children exploit
A Jian couple. In fact, although their incomes are higher, the lives of other siblings are not very bad.
Fortunately, the wife also knows the general body, although she is extremely dissatisfied in her heart, she will not be unable to live with her parents in face. Seeing that Ah Jian was embarrassed, he would also turn his head and take money to his parents, breaking the money.
But this is not always the way to go. Even if there is a mine in the family, it can't afford to be moved by the ants every three to five minutes.
The wife proposed to Ah Jian more than once that he learned to reject his parents, after all, if she came forward, it would always be inappropriate. But if Ah Jian really can't do it, then this bad person will let her daughter-in-law do it.
In fact, the wife actually did.
Not long ago, the couple was both promoted and raised. However, this time they learned to be smart, and did not announce the good news to the family group, afraid that their parents would become more serious when they knew.
But the parents learned the news from nowhere, just in time for Ah Jian's birthday, and the parents and siblings were together
9
mouth
People, they rushed to the door.
He said that he had come to celebrate Ah Jian's birthday, but they all came empty-handed, not even a cake.
As soon as the mother entered the door, she complained:
"It's such a good thing to be promoted and raised, and I don't say a word to my family, so that everyone can be happy together."
Then, as usual, the wife prepares the dishes in the kitchen, and the rest of the people in the living room chat and wait for the meal.
In less than ten sentences of greeting, the mother cut into the theme and asked for money. The reason this time is that the children of the second family want to report to the summer camp, and the money is not enough, so Ah Jian helps to help them.
The wife is fed up with so many years that her parents are always like this, today this child has no money for cram school, tomorrow the family has no money to change new furniture, and the day after tomorrow, this family has not worked for a long time and has no money to eat
...... She always came to them for money, so this time she wasn't going to put up with it.
The wife coughed at Ah Jian in the kitchen and motioned for him to take the lead.
Ah Jian thought that this day would come sooner or later, otherwise his wife would definitely not
"Lightly spared" himself, and he did not instigate, the first time he opened his mouth to reject his mother: "Second, if the summer camp is not enough money, don't go, our family has no money recently." ”
The mother looked at Ah Jian in disbelief, and was about to say something, when the wife hurried out to help:
"Yes, Mom, the money we have earned in the past few years has been handed over to you, and there is really no spare money at home."
The mother probably saw their thoughts and scolded Ah Jian directly. He said that he had never dared to rebel against himself before, what was wrong with him today, and whether someone had said something provocative in his ear.
The wife heard her mother's unspoken meaning, and without saying anything more to her, she put all the prepared dishes into the refrigerator. Then he took out the leftovers of the previous night, not even hot, and brought them out and said:
"I've been tight lately, and today I'm just eating leftovers."
The mother was about to scold, but fortunately she was pulled by several younger siblings and forcibly taken away.
However, since then, my mother did not know whether she had figured it out or what, but she had also retracted a lot, and she had not come to the door for money for a long time.
The couple's life finally returned to calm.
03
Rejecting a loved one's request is a very difficult thing for everyone. But as René did
As Charles said:
No one trims their life without cutting themselves.
”
Many times, we can only usher in our own happy life if we have passed the difficulty in our hearts and learned to refuse.
Through their stories, we also understand the following two truths.
One: between children
Rob the strong and help the weak
, is a common disease that exists in many parents.
In families with multiple children, one of the most common words parents says is:
"The palms of your hands are all meat."
Perhaps in the hearts of their parents, they really think so. The same is their own children, who love who is more, let alone who is more reasonable.
But in external behavior, it often becomes another thing. In the eyes of others, their attitude towards different children is different.
Among them, the most common is like Ah Jian's parents, who have more than enough to make up for, among their children
The behavior of "robbing the strong and helping the weak" is a common disease that is common to many parents.
Then, if the child who has been oppressed for many years blindly indulges and satisfies the needs of his parents, he will only put his marriage in a dilemma.
Only learn to speak on your own
"No", it is possible to truly escape the shackles of the original family and protect their marriage.
Second: After marriage, many contradictions between husband and wife often come from the original family.
I believe many married people
"People who come over" will have this experience:
Obviously it is very beautiful when in love, how can the married life be completely different from the imagination, and there are more and more contradictions?
In addition to some of the chai rice oil and salt diluted the passion, in fact, after marriage, many contradictions between couples often come from the original family.
For example, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not look at each other well, the father or the woman's parents are biased towards their children, and require one of the spouses to provide financial help for the original family for a long time, etc., which are very likely to cause marital conflicts and eventually lead to the disintegration of the marriage.
Therefore, if you want a happy family, not only should both husband and wife have a sense of small family and learn to break free from the shackles of the original family. Parents should also be more constantly by themselves
The child who "exploited" is concerned.
Perhaps in your concept, it is perfectly normal for brothers and sisters to help each other, and it is not a big deal to take some money from the family of the child who has the ability to subsidize another child every time.
But often pile by pile, piece by piece, will become a straw that crushes the marriage of children and causes their marriage to decay.
They are also their own children, and no one should be a victim of who goes to happiness.
Carrying it clearly is the most important practice for parents.
Well, today is here, LeLe hopes that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Lele please pay attention to me, to the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~