Distant memories became more and more blurred, many things superimposed on each other, I don't know if it really happened, but she was aware of that pity, like the wool in her hand, so long...
On the 18th day after marriage, they did not have the same room, and in the face of her husband, who had been tormented by illness for a day, in addition to feeding food and water, Huang Zongying had been guarding the bed and knitting woolen gloves for him.
One day, the other party lay pale on the hospital bed, and it was not until the night that he calmed down, and he opened his eyes to look at her, and the dim eyes became bright and warm.
"Little sister, I'm sorry for you. Forgive me...... I'm sorry for you. ”
Huang Zongying bit his lip hard, pressed his cheek to her husband's hand, and kept shaking her shoulders. Large teardrops flowed down the hands of the two holding each other.
Huang Zongying
The other party closed his eyes and fell asleep, and the ward was extremely quiet, so quiet that people were breathless, as if the air could be split with a knife.
His chest gradually stopped rising and falling, and she cried and called him, but everything was useless...
Her memory was blurred, and in the picture there was still someone carrying the body of another party to the morgue, and she followed them, walking, walking, and kept going forward, the road was so long, so long...
In an interview, the 60-year-old Huang Zongying seems to have forgotten many memories of the past, but there are some things that she remembers so clearly and surprisingly clearly.
In 1925, Huang Zongying landed in Beijing, her father was an engineer at the General Telephone Bureau, and she had two older sisters, two older brothers, and two younger brothers.
At the age of 9, a typhoid fever took the life of his father, the family lost its financial support, life was suddenly stretched, and the mother was frail and sick, relying on the work of her two sisters to survive.
In the summer of 1937, Huang Zongying graduated from high school and came to Tianjin with his family and applied for the famous Nankai Middle School.
At that time, the eldest brother Huang Zongjiang and the second brother Huang Zonghuai were already studying at Nankai Middle School and often participated in the performances of the Nankai Repertory Theatre, and Huang Zongying often accompanied his brothers to buy costumes and props with great interest.
"When I was young, I didn't love acting, I didn't know drama, I just hurt my brother, they were interested in things, I followed their strength, as long as they were happy, I was satisfied." 」
Huang Zongying vaguely remembers that on the day of the list, she wore the clothes her mother had made for her and walked alone to Nankai Middle School, but what awaited her was not the good news of being admitted, but a national disaster.
Halfway down the road, the order on the street was suddenly chaotic, pedestrians hid in the shops on the side of the street, and 12-year-old Huang Zongying also followed the crowd into the shops.
Tianjin Nankai Middle School during the Republic of China period
"Through the large glass windows of the shop, people watched with bated breath as the Tanks of the Japanese Kou drove over and rolled the asphalt road that had been softened by the sun... Tianjin fell. ”
Thinking of this, the memory fell into a cloud again, and Huang Zongying could not know whether she had been admitted to Nankai Middle School.
All that remains of the Japanese tanks, the sound of gunfire, the sound of bombing, the crowd of fleeing refugees, and the anxious and angry faces of the adults in the light of the smoke and fire.
The disaster left a deep wound in the heart of the young Huang Zongying. Because of her early understanding, intelligence and ability, coupled with her sweet looks, people around her like her, and at the age of 15, people often come to her door to ask for relatives.
At that time, due to the chaos of the war, the schools had long been closed, and the people who proposed relatives always provided for study, for staying in the west, and for supporting their mothers, but such favorable conditions actually made this intellectual family feel humiliated and painful.
The Anglo-French Concession in Tianjin during the Fall
"Although I like the fairy tale 'Cinderella', I doubt that Cinderella will be really happy after marrying the prince..."
In 1941, 16-year-old Huang Zongying gave up the opportunity to be a young grandmother to a wealthy family and followed his eldest brother Huang Zongjiang to the Shanghai Opera Arts Society to make a living.
Because she was not from a science class, Huang Zongying, who had just arrived at the drama club, only did some miscellaneous work, but an opportunity to save the rehearsal by chance made her step onto the stage of drama.
Huang Zongying, who has no performance experience, because of her good appearance, boldness and loud voice, the first time she went on stage to rehearse, she was favored by the owner of the film factory sitting under the stage, and the next day she was invited to be a signed actor.
Since then, Huang Zongying has officially embarked on the road of acting, and the recognition of people around her and her brother has made her like this stage more and more, and people in the drama club have affectionately called her "Little Sister".
Huang Zongying's eldest brother Huang Zongjiang
Soon after, she starred in the drama "Sweet Sister" and "Home", a sweet image and a very rendered performance talent, which quickly conquered the audience in Shanghai and became famous for a while.
After watching the play, many fans still stay at the back door of the theater, wanting to see the "sweet sister" after removing makeup.
Even with a considerable income, in that turbulent era, Huang Zongying did not dare to spend more money, she saved the money and sent it to her mother for her two younger brothers to study.
Just when her career was rising sharply, Huang Zongying met her first husband, Yifang.
Originally from Beijing, He is an orchestra conductor in the drama club, who can compose music, can act, and is very talented. Although not pretty, it is stable, dashing and likable.
Every time Huang Zongying performs, she has to watch plays and recite lines in the orchestra pit, and sometimes, she will watch the direction of the other party, and she can see the god, and whenever this time, the other party will always give her a kind, brother-like smile.
Over time, their eyes often met together, but in the moment of interlacing, they would quickly flash away.
As a result, several well-informed people in the troupe were spreading the word: The other party and the little sister were in love.
Maybe they have long been secretly in love, just don't know it, maybe it's a matter of catching wind and shadows, but such a pass has made the two young hearts more natural and bold than in the past.
YiFang and Huang Zongying really fell in love, like the Xifu begonias in full bloom in spring, and the clusters of exploded pink, so warm and beautiful.
Everyone said they were a match made in heaven, but no one thought that this was the beginning of a tragedy.
One day, the other party suddenly fainted in the background, pale and unconscious, Huang Zongying was anxious and afraid, and his body could not help but tremble.
After the diagnosis and treatment of the hospital, the other party was diagnosed with a serious heart disease that could not be cured. Colleagues in the drama club were worried that Huang Zongying could not accept it and did not dare to tell her the truth.
After being discharged from the hospital and taken back to his home in Beijing by his family for recuperation, Huang Zongying was worried about his lover and corresponded with the other party every day, but received fewer and fewer replies.
Just when Huang Zongying fell into a deep anxiety, a letter from the mother of the other party made her see the dawn, and the mother of the other party hoped that Huang Zongying could return to Beijing and marry the other party.
Therefore, Huang Zongying, who had just turned 18, rushed to Beijing with gratitude for his "mother-in-law".
The wedding day was very lively, the pomp was very large, relatives and friends from near and far came, but the other party was too sick to get up, and even the worship of heaven and earth was worshiped by the mother instead of the son.
Later, Huang Zongying learned that this wedding was just a means for the "mother-in-law" to hope that "Chong Xi" would save her son's life.
On the night of the wedding, the newlyweds could not sleep in the same room, and the grandmother of the other party stood in front of the grandson's hospital bed, and she was supervising the granddaughter-in-law, and she was afraid that they would share the same room.
But whatever they did, it didn't help, their marriage was doomed to be a tragedy, and after 18 days, the other party left this world forever.
The next day, the mother and family of the other party brought a coffin and a birthday coat, and poor Huang Zongying knew that they had been preparing for the aftermath a few days ago, but they had been hiding it from her.
In just 18 days, 18-year-old Huang Zongying became a new widow. It was a nightmare, a creepy nightmare.
"The mother of the other side is a Christian, and she wants me to dedicate myself to religion, but I want to go back to the stage, I want to act..."
Soon after, the drama company sent people to Beijing, and when they saw Huang Zongying, a colleague of the drama club, as if they had seen their relatives, the tears could not help but flow, they persuaded the family of the other side, and took Huang Zongying back to Shanghai.
Huang Zongying stills (left)
The train sped across the snow-covered land, passing the villa where she had lived, the church where she had worked, the woods where she had walked, and the cemetery where the other side had slept forever...
She didn't have the heart to look at the scenery, she didn't want to think about anything more, she just wanted the train to go faster, faster.
After returning to Shanghai, Huang Zongying regained his former vitality and became a dazzling star on the stage, but at the same time, he inevitably fell into the spell of "people are not many".
Every day, she received countless flowers and courtship letters, inexplicable invitations were constantly handed in, and at night, after the play, there were always many tycoons and young masters waiting for her at the entrance of the theater.
All this scared her very much, and the drama club staged vulgar and boring plays every day in order to make money.
She wanted to go back to Tianjin to study, but what a difficult wish to read.
"Somehow I wanted to get married. Is it fear of loneliness? Is it fear of sorrow? Are you afraid of those inexplicable letters? Are you afraid of the cars that are guarding the door of the theater? Yes and no. Even I can't tell. ”
In 1946, through the introduction of her brother, Huang Zongying married Cheng Shuyao, the president of the North and South Drama Society, and there was no story of wind and snow, Cheng Shuyao was a good and honest person, so she married him.
In fact, Cheng Shuyao was indeed a good man, very considerate of Huang Zongying, and soon after their marriage, they left Shanghai and moved to Cheng Shuyao's home in Beijing.
The Cheng family is a big feudal family, there are many rules, even the daughter-in-law is not allowed to sit when eating, she is also responsible for serving food for everyone.
Huang Zongying, who came from an intellectual family, has never been subjected to such constraints, but as a daughter-in-law who has just passed through the door, she is no longer happy in her heart, and she has to endure.
Cheng Shuyao
At that time, she read books during the day, read And read English, the family rules were strict, and it was inconvenient to go out to find friends to play, and as the days went on, Huang Zongying felt very depressed.
The attentive Cheng Shuyao noticed his wife's loss and thoughtfully asked, "Is it uncomfortable?" ”
Huang Zongying shook his head.
"What's on your mind?"
Huang Zongying sighed softly and smiled to comfort her husband: "Nothing, really nothing." ”
"No, you can't fool me, you have a heart." Cheng Shuyao asked.
She didn't know how to pour out her bitterness, she just felt her eyes getting moist, so she pressed her head against his chest.
In order to make his wife happy, Cheng Shuyao had to bring some delicious snacks to her every day after work, and Huang Zongying was very moved, and she understood her husband's affection.
But he didn't understand that what she needed was not the love of life between husband and wife, she needed the understanding and support of her career, she loved the stage, she loved acting, she wanted to perform freely.
Huang Zongying stills
Cheng Shuyao left work at five o'clock every afternoon, and whenever the wall clock rang five times, her heart was inexplicably uneasy and nervous, and she didn't know what to talk to him about besides eating and wearing.
Sometimes, things in marriage are really difficult to describe in words, and two people who love each other have less and less common language because of differences in each other's personalities, hobbies, and pursuits.
"Between us, it seems that there is a layer of fog, hazy and blocking us, and I want to break through this fog, but I can't do it, and it is getting thicker and thicker."
At that time, there were many troupes in Beijing that asked Huang Zongying to act, and many new plays she liked in her heart, but because the Cheng family did not allow the women in the family to act, she did not agree.
For this reason, Huang Zongying fell into extreme pain, and she felt like a sad bird, locked up in a dark cage.
In order to support Huang Zongying's career, Cheng Shuyao invited his fifth uncle to intercede for his wife, until an old man and a small pair knelt down, and the old man of the Cheng family reluctantly agreed to let Huang Zongying perform on stage, but on the condition that they had to move out of the house.
Although there is still an unspeakable "estrangement" between husband and wife, Huang Zongying's mood after returning to the stage is much better, like a reed that is about to die, and has absorbed nectar.
In the autumn of that year, Huang Zongying went to Shanghai to participate in the fundraising charity performance of the Shanghai Theater Academy, and the performance was very successful, and a "Little Girl Who Sold Matches" let the Audience in Shanghai see the long-lost "Sweet Sister".
At that time, Chen Liting, the director of CLP No. 2 Factory, was planning to shoot the movie "Rhapsody of Happiness", and the male protagonist was played by the famous cream Xiaosheng Zhao Dan, while the female protagonist was still looking.
One day, Zhao Dan and Chen Liting visited a friend's house and saw a picture of a young girl under the glass panel of the writing desk.
Directed by Chen Liting
Although compared with the movie stars at that time, the girl's facial features were not amazing, but she had a pair of innocent eyes, pouring out the kindness and beauty of the heart to people.
"Who is this?"
"'Sweet Sister', a little girl in Beijing."
"Where is she now?"
"Right in Shanghai, participating in a charity show."
"These eyes are so good, that's the person we're looking for!"
That night, Zhao Dan and Chen Liting went to see Huang Zongying's performance, and when it was decided that she would be the heroine.
During the filming of the film, the 32-year-old Zhao Dan quietly fell in love with the girl from Beijing, but Huang Zongying did not notice it at the time.
Yes, at that time, Zhao Dan was a famous movie star, an admirable performance artist, he was so handsome, so dashing, she liked to work with him, it was a very happy time.
Zhao Dan
He was 10 years older than her, and she always regarded him as a brother, but she never imagined that one day he would fall in love with her.
At that time, Zhao Dan and his wife were scattered for many years, living alone with a pair of children, although they never treated the children materially, but there was no hostess at home, and they always felt like a home.
The night before Huang Zongying was going back to Beijing, Zhao Dan asked Huang Zongying to go to his home for dinner, and Huang Zongying gladly went there.
After eating, she got up several times to leave, he kept her to play a little longer, he talked to her about things, but he always felt that something could not be said.
Until late at night, when she had to leave, Zhao Dan stood up and suddenly said to her, "Zong Ying, I have something to tell you." ”
"What words?"
"I think you should be my wife!"
She froze, standing still, not moving, not gradually, without laying the mat, his love expressed so directly, so firmly.
Huang Zongying and Zhao Dan stills
Looking at Zhao Dan's sincere and expectant eyes, Huang Zongying's heart was about to jump out, dancing so fiercely, but so sweet.
At that moment, the common ideal of pursuing light and the common ambition to climb the peak of art tied the two people together.
"Good! I'll go through the divorce formalities when I get back to Beijing! ”
Cheng Shuyao did not dwell too much, silently signed the divorce agreement, he knew that her happiness, he could not give. Because I love her, let go.
For Cheng Shuyao, Huang Zongying was grateful, perhaps, he was the only person she was ashamed of in her life.
On New Year's Day 1948, Zhao Dan and Huang Zongying married in Shanghai, and Huang Zongying, who was only 23 years old, entered his third marriage.
After marriage, the couple joined hands to make a lot of movies, becoming a truly admirable screen couple, and Huang Zongying also experienced the happiness of marriage for the first time.
Friends often joked to Huang Zongying that it would be a mother when he crossed the door, saving himself the trouble, how good. But how can it be easy to be a "stepmother" for two children?
At that time, Zhao Dan's daughter was already eleven or twelve years old, Huang Zongying was only ten years older than her, and her five- or six-year-old son was very naughty and often fought with people, and Huang Zongying always went door to door to apologize.
When her daughter studied ballet, she stayed up all night making costumes for her. Although she and Zhao Dan later had their own children, she always regarded the two front room children as her own.
Zhao Dan's eldest daughter, Zhao Qing, recalled this "stepmother" in her later years: "I want to remember this mother for a lifetime, and she manages me like a mother." ”
However, life was on the right track, but fate did not intend to keep her happy, and in 1966, Zhao Danhan was unjustly imprisoned.
The cause that once brought them infinite flowers and applause has now become a whirlpool that has led them into the abyss.
Delegating labor, endless censorship, the years have mercilessly carved marks on her face, saying that the years are not spared, but why has she spared the years?
In the 5 years that Zhao Dan was imprisoned, Huang Zongying single-handedly supported the family, raised and cared for 5 children, and it has to be said that this is also a woman's immortal achievement.
5 years later, Zhao Dan was released from prison, and the long-term prison life made her always gentle husband become moody, but Huang Zongying never complained a little, he suffered so much, how could she be willing to complain about him?
After so many years of ups and downs, they helped each other to come over, and they knew in each other's hearts that this was love.
On October 10, 1980, Zhao Dan died of cancer at the age of 65, and his 33-year love drama with Huang Zongying finally came to an end.
Since then, Huang Zongying no longer acts, but chooses to accompany the pen, and in the literary works of the second half of her life, there is Zhao Dan's shadow everywhere.
"As long as I live, Zhao Dan will not die."
33 years of love, she is very satisfied, compared with the encounter in this life, fate has treated her like a gift.
13 years later, Huang Zongying met the essayist Feng Yidai, who was nearly ancient, and once again entered the palace of marriage, not for anything else, just because he understood her.
After Feng Yidai left, Huang Zongying always lived in a hospital in Shanghai, a room of more than ten square meters, filled with books and photos of her and Zhao Dan.
Although the frost stains the green silk and the disease is plagued, you can still see the style and elegance of an old man in the hands and feet.
On December 14, 2020, Huang Zongying finally completed her legendary life of 95 years old, she experienced four marriages in her life, and it was like walking through four lifetimes, each with its own sour, sweet and bitter.
"In my life, there are twists and turns, and the most 'dramatic' plot is 'difficult to be Zhao Dan's wife', and since I love him, I have no regrets about following him up and down."
In his later years, whenever Zhao Dan and Huang Zongying's memories were mentioned, they were always clear and shocking...