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The Great Gatsby: "When you're in a man-made predicament, don't complain, you can only learn your lesson silently." ”
Although from a psychological point of view, when people are in trouble, complaining about the world can play a role in "psychological compensation", but this psychological compensation for the repair of the mind, is only an illusion, only equivalent to taking a painkiller, after the medicine has passed, you will still be in pain.
If you can do it without complaining, directly learn the lesson, of course, the best. If you can't do it without complaining, then complain fiercely and then learn a lesson.
Only by learning a lesson can we know where we are wrong and how to go in the future. If you don't learn the lesson and just complain about the world, you may then fall into the same problem or fall into the hands of the same kind of people.
For example, if a person is in trouble because he is in love with a very scummy person, if he does not learn a lesson and only cares about complaining about the world, he may still fall in love with a very scummy person afterwards. By learning the lessons, we can avoid similar tragedies.
The problem that the following reader talks about when he talks about his unhappy marriage is the above problem, and let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Before I married my ex-wife, my mother solemnly reminded me: "You are an honest person, you should not marry a wife who is too strong, otherwise you will suffer a big loss sooner or later, don't believe it." Honest people are only suitable for marrying honest people, otherwise it is easy to get divorced, and when divorced, whoever is honest will suffer a big loss. ”
Unfortunately, instead of following her advice, I listened to my ex-wife's rumors: "What does your mother know?" We are not at all contemporaries with her, and her theory of marriage is long outdated. Who says honest people shouldn't marry strong wives? I think honest people should marry strong wives so that they can complement each other's personalities. Moreover, a strong wife can dominate the marriage, can be a husband, and makes it easy for honest people to live. ”
To sum up my ex-wife's words in one sentence, that is: a strong woman is equal to a woman of Wangfu.
Because I needed a wife of Wangfu, her words caught my weakness so much that I completely forgot my mother's advice.
Facts have proved that my mother's understanding of marriage is indeed deeper than mine, I really should not marry a strong wife, if I do not marry, I will not be scolded all day, I will not be denied all day, I will not be called as a subordinate, I will not be stuck between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I will not be difficult to be a person, I will not be heavy losses, and I will not be pushed into the abyss of disaster.
She is not only strong, but also full of energy, heavy heart, and articulate, which I can't compare. Although I lacked these things, after marrying her, her these things did not play a complementary role with me, but on the contrary, it formed a constraint on me, and I was honest and weak, and I did not dare to fight with her at all, and did not dare to act against her will.
When our son was born, she immediately implemented a new plan: divorce me.
She said that she had a meritorious son, and if she left him with him, the marriage room would have to belong to her. She added a lot of footnotes to the agreement, instilled in me a lot of reasons that "she must take the marriage room", aggressively demanded that I must sign it, and asked me not to leak before the divorce, especially not to let my mother know.
This is the key to what my mom called "honest people get along with strong people, you will suffer a big loss", not only my thinking can't keep up with her thinking, but I don't have her articulate, no she will pretend, although I can feel that the divorce agreement is unfair to me, but I can't say anything against it, and I signed it very passively.
My mother didn't know the truth after we divorced, and she didn't want my ex-wife to take away the marriage room, so she ran to ask her: "Why did you take the house bought by the in-laws?" ”
She was already articulate, she was very calculated, and she had prepared her words in advance, and even my mother could not do anything.
She said, "Just because I gave birth to a son for your family, it is indispensable!" Besides, I left my son to your son, and of course the marriage room should belong to me. Can't you let your son take advantage of all the benefits? The children belong to him, the house belongs to him, so what is the meaning of my marriage to him? I wronged myself to marry someone I didn't like, and risked my life to give him a son, shouldn't I be rewarded with something? I traded fairly with my son, and since he signed the divorce agreement, it means that he agrees to this way of distributing property, what qualifications do you have to question me? ”
My mother said that she could not do it, and when she returned home, she became angry with me: "I did not agree with you marrying her from the beginning, you prefer to marry, now it's okay, right?" The house has been calculated and left a mess for you, you are such an honest person, play with such a person, can you play with her? ”
What else can I do but admit it? I am still an honest person, still honest and weak, dare not make demands, do not dare to argue with people. I can only learn the lesson of staying away from women who are too scheming later in life.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Although it is possible to change people's personality and temperament, it is not so easy to change.
It is difficult for Lin Daiyu to turn herself into Wang Xifeng, Lin Chong is difficult to turn herself into Wu Song, and the differences in the temperament of these people in literary and artistic works are the same in reality, and it is difficult for honest people to turn themselves into an dishonest person.
For example, the man above, his state before and after the divorce shows that he is an honest and weak person, his wife and him are very different personalities, she wants to calculate him, it is not difficult for her, but for him, if you want to refuse, resist, or argue like her, you can't do it.
From this point of view, the advice his mother had given him was very reasonable. It is not that honest people are necessarily not suitable for marrying people of other personalities, the key lies in whether the other party is a good person, whether they are reasonable, and whether they are calculating.
If the other party is a good person, a cheerful personality can indeed complement the character of an honest person; but if the other party is not a good person, the honest person will definitely suffer losses, not only will be bullied in marriage, but also suffer a big loss in divorce, because honest people are the least good at bargaining.
In contrast, honest people do marry honest people better, at least the two sides are a type of person, encounter any problem is easy to discuss, even if the final divorce, can also fairly distribute property, there will be no situation where no one suffers a big loss.