Think about what makes a person who once loved you say such harsh things to you that you will never look back?
Is it that you can't stand your stinky temper, or do you always think that he is inferior to others?
Is it that you will never be rewarded for your efforts, or do you repeatedly cross his bottom line?
It's hurt, it's love!
I've heard the saying: Any departure with great fanfare is a temptation!
When he struggles between loving you and being hurt, he tries to break free from the pain, reminding you with harsh words: "I will never come back to you!" Maybe a second before I turned around and left, I still had some expectations in my heart.
Most of the time, the harsh words spoken by the breakup are equivalent to the sweet words that chase you, he can say that he loves you all his life, and he can also say that he hates you for a lifetime, but these words will change with time, and the person who prompts him to change is also you.
Some people say that those who leave quietly are the real love.
But we all know that it is difficult to forget a person who has loved deeply, and after time precipitation, you will find that in fact, the so-called harm is not one-sided, and perhaps it is really not good enough.
When you change from a poor boy to a big boss who drives a luxury car and wears a famous watch, you will find that your former self seems to be really unmotivated, and you can't complain that she thought you were not as good as others;
When you have experienced love again and again, you will find that many details of your previous self are actually out of place, and you can't complain that she always loses her temper with you;
When you make a clear distinction between feelings, you will find that your previous self is just blindly paying, and you don't understand what he really needs;
It is time that makes you learn to reflect on yourself, you will begin to appreciate the person you were before, it is he who makes you learn how to become a mature man and intellectual woman in the eyes of others.
When you look back and reflect on that experience, you realize that in fact, everyone did not understand things at that time, and there was no right or wrong feelings, but the way of loving each other was different.
My friend Lao Chen, he and his girlfriend were in a long-distance relationship for three years, and not long after the last breakup, his girlfriend told him that he had a new boyfriend. Hearing this news, he was extremely distressed and decided that his girlfriend had split his legs during a long-distance relationship. But her girlfriend actually agreed to associate with Xinhuan after he last proposed to break up, which is not a split leg in principle.
Old Chen was extremely sad at that time, borrowing wine every day to dispel his sorrows, he said that he would never believe in a woman again, no matter how reluctant he would not look for her again. Within 2 months, he told me he wanted to save it, and i don't blame my girlfriend for splitting her legs or not.
I asked him why, and he said, "I mentioned the breakup, I can't solve the problem of long-distance relationships, the conditions needed to get married are far behind for me, I loved her, she loved me, and even now I love her, I think that's enough." ”
In the end, we don't know whether there is a leg split, but I admire that Lao Chen can figure it out, involving the principle of splitting legs, between love and hurt, he chose to believe in love.
I witnessed my little first love, his first love, no matter in front of people, never cared about the feeling of smallness, whether to lose his temper or lose his temper, many times sent a small appointment to come out to drink, saying how his girlfriend was, he was really tired and wanted to leave.
It didn't take long for Fa Xiao to tell me that he had broken up, and I asked him why he was so sudden. He said that he had already rented a new house outside, and that day there was a conflict, he didn't say anything, and the next day he packed up his things and moved away.
Men are particularly face-loving, I understand, in other words, I certainly can't stand such a girlfriend. When he broke up, he didn't say anything harsh, this kind of quiet departure, I think he must be disappointed, so later his girlfriend asked me about him, I also did not talk about his whereabouts.
However, this New Year's Eve, they came to my house for dinner together. I was really stunned, and quietly asked him after the meal how he reconciled again, and what he said to me was: "I can't help it, I am used to it, and she has changed a lot now, and her temper has also converged a lot." ”
The two examples of Lao Chen and Fa Xiao made me understand that in the relationship, everything is possible!
Old Chen should have hated his predecessor for splitting his legs, but after time fermentation and reflection, his perspective on things is different, on the surface he is the one who was injured, but in the final analysis, he still has no ability to keep love;
Fa Xiao should have described the strange road with his girlfriend from now on, since it was a disappointment to leave, there is hope that there will be disappointment, and in the end, the heart is also unwilling.
Many people may feel that whether it is Lao Chen or I am small, the reason why they will turn back is because of deep feelings, because there is still love, which is non-committal, but we can't always rely on love and some goodness in the past, and we will talk about unhappy love.
This is the same reason why you will not covet the current easy work and endure the endless intrigue of your colleagues around you.
Old Chen Da can find a close girlfriend again, but in his heart he still thinks that only the ex has enough charm to make him fall in love with it; I can also try to find a new girlfriend with a good temper and considerate understanding, but he is not attracted to the changed ex so he has changed his mind.
Love leaves a seed in our hearts that may re-sprout if it is watered one day, and the main nutrient is hormones.
A large number of hormones produced at the beginning of acquaintance can make the love seed germinate rapidly, when in love, the seed can grow into a love tree, and when running in, the love tree will lose nutrients or even wither... Only by finding the original appearance can the feelings be revived.
Here are some advice for those who are in love and want to save, no matter what reason you broke up and how many harsh words you said, it doesn't matter, you just need to understand that you have loved, then it will not be easy to forget.
Time can't come back, and you can't return to the state you first met, so what you can do is to re-establish the capital that can attract your ex back, not only for the ex, but also for a better self.
We are all attracted to beautiful things, in terms of feelings, why do some people have a continuous relationship with the opposite sex, and some people can firmly tie their other half? It is nothing more than that it has a strong charm.
To quote an anonymous answer: What kind of people are attractive? Beautiful on the outside and independent on the inside.
This covers three major values, survival value, reproduction value, and companionship value.
Survival value refers to your abilities, income, life skills;
Reproductive value refers to your appearance, temperament, physical fitness;
Companionship value refers to your temper, personality, emotional intelligence and intelligence;
Don't ask you to look beautiful, at least you dress appropriately;
Do not ask you to be rich enough to be an enemy of the country, at least you actively work hard;
Do not ask you to be gentle and virtuous, at least you are understanding;
There are not many shortcuts, and where there is no place to make up for it.
I've seen a lot of people promote and show themselves after a breakup, but the ex is still indifferent, and there may be several reasons for this:
1, you always live behind him
You are like his little follower, no matter what you do, how good you become, it seems to be around him, which will give him a feeling, you are always waiting for him, as long as he has a look, a word, you will run to meet him.
You have to give him a strange feeling, let him know that you don't belong to him anymore, even without him you can live very well, find someone better than him.
2, you are creating only an illusion
Obviously, you are a small clerk of the company, transformed into a project leader; obviously your hands do not touch the spring water, and suddenly you have a set of dinners full of color and fragrance. Dramatic scenes that can only appear on TV suddenly happen to you, and in fact, people with a little intelligence can see your intentions.
Change is a process, it doesn't need big changes, but it takes small persistence, you don't need to deliberately let the ex see what kind of person you become, you just need to let the ex participate in your change process and generate interest.
3, you did not give the ex to open the window
It is said that flies do not bite seamless eggs, and sometimes you have to close yourself off so that your ex can't guess your true thoughts, but sometimes you act too much, which will also cause your ex to dare not come forward.
On the contrary, those uncertain things are often more likely to make people have the desire to grasp, the same truth, when necessary, you still have to show weakness, don't patronize to show your strong side, and sometimes you have to be a silly white sweet who loves to cry your nose.
Feelings are like a psychological game:
Guess what I guessed your mind?
So guess I'll guess you guess your mind?