Weekend in KFC dinner, saw a father with a child to buy a children's package, two fathers and sons just sat down two, the father said to the child: "Do you know, you eat this meal is equal to the father's half-day's salary", the child is not big, looks 7, 8 years old, after listening to it does not speak, but should understand.
This kind of scene is actually not uncommon, when I was a child, I often heard my mother say "there is no money at home but I bought it for you", after growing up, I gradually understand the constraints of ordinary family income in eighth-tier cities, but I also feel that the child has to feel that pressure and guilt from a young age, so will you express the emotion of making money in front of the child?
When a parent says to his child, "It's hard to make money, our family is poor," his subtext is actually saying to the child:
"You see, I have worked so hard to make money, I have paid so much for you, you owe me, you must listen to me well, and repay me in the future, otherwise you will be sorry for me!"
In fact, these subtexts, although parents did not say it, but the emotional children inside are completely gett, and the child will pack these emotions into a thick burden on the body, this baggage is called: guilt.
When children feel that their parents have negative emotions, they will subconsciously blame this emotion on themselves, thinking that "it is all my fault that makes my parents so miserable."
Therefore, in order to alleviate the pain of parents, children will begin to do one thing, that is, to suppress their own needs and please their parents.
How long can this period of repression last? From passing by the small shop at the school gate when he was a child, to choosing a college major at the age of 18, to falling in love, getting married and having children, children are accustomed to overthinking their parents in this relationship, preferring to grievance their own will and satisfy their parents.
Children do not dare to refuse, nor dare to refuse, nor dare to insist on their own opinions, do not dare to meet their own needs, thus losing control of their own lives step by step, in this way, step by step, they have turned themselves into a flattering personality.
Therefore, behind every flattering personality, there stands a controlling parent.
What will a child who grows up in a sense of guilt develop? This kind of child will generally appear in two states when they grow up:
The first case, as mentioned above, becomes a flatterer.
Such people suppress their own needs, live for their parents, dare not pursue their own ideals, listen to their parents' arrangements, and feel that there is no sense of achievement in life, and they live in torment and entanglement every day. In intimate relationships, it is easy to over-please the partner, lack of their own bottom line, and easy to suffer losses and injuries in feelings.
The other case is to become a complete rebel.
Depression to the limit is the outbreak, this kind of children everywhere with their parents in reverse, parents let them study well, partial do not learn; parents let them find a job, partial do not look for, or three days at both ends of the change of work, mixed a day to count a day.
Such children will indulge themselves in some ways, such as indulgence, indulgence, indulgence, excessive satisfaction of their own desires, in fact, the subconscious is retaliating against the parents.
These two types of people look opposite on the surface, even a little extremely opposed, but the essence is the same, and neither has established an independent and complete personality.
In summary, it is recommended that parents try not to take the expression of "making money hard, our family is poor", because the side effects of this expression are too great, it will leave a lingering sense of guilt to the child's psychology, and let the child walk with heavy baggage.