Review the recording of the lecture of the stupid mother who "passed" the parent school, and the stupid mother mentioned the allusion of raising the muzzle of the gun by one centimeter.
In February 1992, two years after the fall of the Berlin Wall, wall guard Inge Henrich was put on trial.
Before the fall of the Berlin Wall, at the age of twenty-seven he shot a young man who tried to climb over the wall, Chris Greuloi, twenty years old. In the past few decades, under this 'wall of separating people', three hundred East German fugitives have been shot and killed.
Henrich's lawyer argued that the guards were merely carrying out orders and had no choice but to blame.
Judge Theodore Seidel, however, disagreed: 'As a policeman, it is guilty not to carry out the orders of your superiors, but it is not guilty to fail to do so.'
As a person of sound mind, at this moment, you have the sovereign right to pick up the muzzle of the gun by one centimeter, which is a conscientious obligation that you should take the initiative to undertake.
In this world, there is also a 'conscience' outside the law. When law and conscience conflict, conscience is the highest code of conduct, not the law. Respect for life is a universal principle. Eventually, the guard, Henrich, was sentenced to three and a half years in prison for deliberately shooting Gerphroy without parole. ”
There is a saying in Nonviolent Communication: "Beyond the distinction between morality and immorality, there is a field." I will see you there. ”
For families with mentally ill children, the metaphor is: "In addition to the distinction between rules and irregularities, there is a field." I will see you there. ”
That field, then, is love, unconditional love. That is, rules must go hand in hand with love.
The year before, my daughter's behavior must have exceeded the level of many children's waywardness, "online loans, impulsive consumption, running away from home, meeting male netizens in different places, and walking away." ”
But as far as I know, this is not yet the ceiling. There are also children who smash furniture and appliances, physically punish parents (not allowed to sleep, punish walking), insult parents, and even beat their families. Even more frightening is the threat of a knife to the family.
So, under the tests, how to implement unconditional love? To tell the truth, blindly asking parents to love is really difficult for strong people. After all, they are all ordinary people, not our virgins. Moreover, the material part of unconditional love must require money to achieve it.
At this time, the parental bottom line view mentioned by the stupid mother is very reasonable.
Who's in My House, a book about the arrangement of family systems, mentions that love must be premised on the correct order in order to shine. For example, parents in the status of great-grandchildren are only promiscuous, cautious, and do everything possible to please the humble, "kneeling parents can never raise children who are standing." It can be said that the money, energy and painstaking efforts paid in this situation are difficult to lead the healthy development of children's lives.
The stupid mother mentioned her own bottom line, she can not buy luxury goods such as jewelry for the sake of her children, and she can refuse high-end consumption. But it is impossible to shut your mouth, leave yourself in a stable place, and lose your life.
I agree that parents of children with mental illness, under the premise of protecting their bottom line, do their best to pass on unconditional love to their children.
For me, I used to spend money and spend a lot of money, and now looking at the thousands of dollars in the closet, it hurts, if I travel back in time now, I will definitely not buy such expensive clothes.
So, after the child fell ill, especially after resigning to better care for the child, I changed from "spending money like dirt" (exaggerated) to "Grandai" (not exaggerated).
After the child fell ill, I have been strongly asked to resign to accompany her, but I consider a single mother, and there is no off-site assistance, the child is sick, treatment fees, psychological counseling fees, nursing expenses? Isn't it more important to work harder to make money? So I flatly refused.
However, life soon made me make a choice. My daughter's online loans, impulsive consumption, and running away from home make me think that people's money and wealth are a matter of minutes, and the three melons and two dates earned at work cannot withstand the devastating risk brought about by the aggravation of my daughter's illness. So, I resigned on the spot.
So, life goes on, what to do?
Originally, I had an obsession with the house, and once fantasized about finding a poor boy who could not afford to buy a house as a son-in-law and take care of my daughter. Later, I watched the TV series "Double Sided Tape", saw some terrible social news, and listened to the advice of a friend. I realized that only the sun and the human heart in the world could not be looked at directly, and that a daughter who was physically and mentally unhealthy could only be a terrible hypnotic.
Therefore, I think that first-line houses can be replaced by fourth- and fifth-tier cities, and large houses can be replaced by small houses. It's all about reducing the panic caused by economic problems.
Then, for me, who has been transformed into a groom at this moment, willingly saving money and cutting down on food and clothing, I really feel that my survival cost has become very low. And the diet is light, nutritious, healthy, and more beneficial to their own health. Dozens of hundreds of dollars of cotton clothes, wearing is also quite comfortable. Sick have employee health insurance and commercial insurance. And keeping your mood stable and happy every day, and insisting on exercising, which in itself can reduce the chance of suffering.
This means that I squeeze my own consumption to meet my daughter's reasonable and unreasonable needs, I am not aggrieved, not angry, not complaining, I look at my daughter with love, hope, strength, and confidence, with a smile on my face, I look at my daughter's smiling face like a flower.
Of course, this has been a very long process. Once upon a time, I also hated to give money, and my daughter hated to spend money.
The world is so wonderful that when true love spontaneously emanates spontaneously, miracles occur. The amount of consumption of daughters plummeted. After repeated trials and finally confirming the love of her mother," her daughter became more and more rational. Start thinking about what kind of person you want to become in the future, and what kind of life you want to live. Become have dreams, goals and actions.
Therefore, I believe that the love and unconditional love of parents of children with mental illness should be based on the correct family order, and should be based on the important premise of protecting their own survival bottom line.
When parents have planned for the future of their lives and received accurate protection, it can be said that they let go of the anxious and fearful parts of their emotions and realized that their happiness in life can be achieved without relying on force. Then, in the moment, you can safely and boldly love.
