For men who are not used to looking at and always want to be afraid, give you some "strange tricks"

After a big fight with my husband, I slammed the door and went away and slept in the hotel for the night. The next day, I went straight to the airport and bought the earliest flight to Dunhuang.

Under a Buddha statue in the Mogao Caves, I saw a quiet Lin Xia, jeans, white shirt, long black hair, calm temperament, like my best friend in high school. I couldn't bear to go up and talk, but at first sight, she was also alone, and naturally went along.

We went to the hotel together on the way, my phone rang again, as soon as I saw that it was my husband, I decisively cut it off, and then hit and hung up, hit and hung up... Lin Xia kept smiling at me, and when my phone finally quieted down, she smiled and asked, "Did you quarrel with your husband?" ”

"Well, I didn't expect to meet such an unreliable husband, this day is simply impossible to live."

01

The other day, it was the wedding of my college roommate. The sisters in the same dormitory have not seen each other for several years, and they take this opportunity to get together and get to know each other with their other half. I made an appointment with my husband early, and he promised that there would be no special things and that he would definitely go.

Who knew that the night before the wedding, he came back in the middle of the night and told me that the project was in a hurry and that he would have to work overtime the next day. Although I was unhappy, considering that he had been working overtime a lot recently, the project was really tricky, and I didn't say much.

The next day, watching the sisters are all in and out of pairs, being ridiculed "Your husband is really a successful person, every day is a chance", I can only laugh and reply: "He is a coolie." "But the taste in my heart is unspeakable.

When I got home in the evening, my husband actually prepared dinner: "I haven't cooked for you for a long time, I came back early from overtime today, will I try my craft to regress?" "I was suddenly relieved.

Early the next morning, my mother-in-law came and began to look around while saying, "I left a bunch of keys at your house yesterday." I was surprised: "Did you come yesterday?" "Yes, I passed by yesterday and called Xu Chen, and I came over when he was home." When I came, he was actually playing a game and eating instant noodles, and you said how old they were, and I ran out to buy him vegetables..."

The mother-in-law complained while looking for something, completely unaware that I had changed my face, and the husband on the side was even more blue and red.

After the mother-in-law left, the husband immediately rushed over: "Wife, you listen to my explanation..." "Explain a ghost, why don't you want to go out with me every time, will I lose you?" Games are more important than me..."

"After a fierce battle, I ran away from home, so I was able to meet you." I teased Lin Xia. Lin Xia still smiled shallowly, "Then do you want to hear my story?" ”

02

Lin Xia is an art teacher with a calm personality, likes to read, raise flowers, likes quiet cafes, and has a little adventurous spirit in his bones.

Her husband is a rock singer with a flamboyant personality, likes parties, motorcycles, and the glittering lights of the city, but he also has a home in his heart.

Perhaps because everyone longs deep down for another part of themselves that is missing, they are more likely to be attracted to the opposite. They fell in love at first sight, fell in love with the earth, and soon married.

After marriage, I found that there were too many out of places. She didn't want to go to a noisy party with him; he thought sketching was boring and lonely. She wanted to go to the café for a cup of coffee and chat; he wanted to go to the bar for a drink and dance by the way.

These things, when in love, the two sides are passionate, and may be able to accommodate each other, but in daily marriage, the different rhythm is really annoying.

In the matter of travel, he has different interests, he wants to go to the bustling first-tier cities, and she prefers quiet towns.

"We also went through a lot of quarrels and run-ins, and even thought about separating. But in the end, we were convinced that we were still deeply in love with each other, and we found a way to get along with each other that was acceptable. For example, we travel together once a year, and both sides take turns choosing the destination, and the rest of the time they go out alone or with their friends. ”

Looking at my surprised expression, Lin Xia said: "Recommend a book for you to see, called "Introvert Advantage", which may help you better understand your husband's behavior." ”

03

Before I got home, I couldn't wait to find the book and read it all in one go on the way back. Then I realized that my husband was a standard introvert: like a rechargeable battery, he had to stop and rest before he could recharge again and get back into an energetic state. Dislike a lively, overly stimulating environment, which will make him restless and exhausted. Solitude and contemplation energize him.

And I am the solar panel, singing and laughing, the relationship between friends is my sunshine, let me full of electricity. Too much solitude can make me feel depressed and unbearable, as if there were heavy dark clouds pressing overhead.

I thought of my husband's explanation: "I'm really tired, I've been working overtime a lot lately, you know, the project is complicated, I've exhausted my energy, I really can't accompany you to the wedding party." But I don't know how to talk to you but I don't know how to talk to you, I'm afraid you'll be angry and sad again, so I'll lie..."

I thought again about the many times in the past when he refused to accompany me to the party, and in the end he was either dragged by me and he was listlessly disappointed, or I went to the party alone, and the whole event was still resentful. I suddenly understood his original intention of lying to me: he was really too tired to rest, but didn't want me to be angry.

At the beginning of acquaintance, it may be the differences between each other that become fatal attraction, but how to deal with differences in married life has become the biggest issue.

04

The difference is neutral. In married life, differences are reflected in specific actions and perspectives, such as one acting slowly and one acting fast; the wife wants to sleep, but the husband gets up and goes out. These differences are neither good nor bad. It's just how you look at it. They can add interest to the marital relationship and can also pull the relationship apart.

Dr. John Gottman, who has more than 25 years of experience in the study of marital relationships, says the way couples handle conflicts caused by differences determines how long their marriage lasts and how satisfied they are with it.

If the couple sees the other's behavior as a rejection or obstruction, but not as a manifestation of the other's characteristics and personality type, the disagreement in the marital relationship will quickly develop in a bad direction.

"You don't want to accompany me to parties because you don't love me and don't want to deal with my friends. Would you rather stay at home and play games, is the game more important than me? ”

If we can understand the personality characteristics of the other party, understand his discomfort with the lively environment, and the strong need for solitude, we know that this has nothing to do with "love or not love me". You can "let the other party ride a horse", and you can also happily participate in your favorite activities.

We can't change the differences, but we can work around to resolve such conflicts. We need to learn how to get into and out of our partner's private space, know when to lead, when to obey, and how to adapt to the changing pace of the marital relationship.

As long as we learn to respect each other and respect differences, we will find the most suitable way for both parties to get along. Then an introvert and an extrovert can have a happy life with inconsistent rhythms.