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Obstetricians and gynecologists of the "grievance species" instantly ...
I am an obstetrician and gynecologist.
My biggest hobby is keeping a work log.
01
I slept with 3 people last night.
Is it enough to take only 1 pill?
One day, I prescribed the patient post-contraceptive pills, and she asked me, "I slept with three people last night, is it enough to take only one pill?"
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02
The network department suspected me of browsing the yellow website
When I visited the gynecological clinic, I was ready to go online to look up advice about a patient,000, and then found that the hospital's network department had blocked the website of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.
The reason is "pornography".
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03
I removed the remote control from the patient's rectum...
Once I was temporarily transferred to the operating room to help, and a "foreign body" was removed from a patient's rectum. Although I've been a doctor for less than a year, this is the fourth thing I've taken out of a patient's rectum — of course, this data is limited to my experience in the operating room.
The first time was a handsome Italian boy who went to the hospital with a large section of toilet brush tucked into his ass (brush wash) and finally returned home with a colon fistula bag. His mother, a muscular Italian woman, was not as cold as the British, but kept saying praise and thanking everyone on the doctor's team one by one, saying that we had saved her son's life. She also hugged an equally handsome young man who had accompanied her to the hospital. "Thanks also to his good friend Philip. If he hadn't been squatting in the pit next door, no one would have called an ambulance! ”
Most of these patients have a disease that we jokingly call "Eiffel Tower syndrome" – "I fell, doctor!" I fell! ”
Only then can we explain how something flies to an unusual height and crams into them (time always makes you understand under what circumstances a person will sit on a pickled cucumber).
But today, for the first time, I felt that the stories told by patients might be true. This time the story is highly credible, involving a sofa, a TV remote control and an accident that sounds unusually painful. And I frowned and thought, "Oh, this kind of thing can happen." But after removing the remote control in the operating room, we noticed that there was a condom on it.
Okay, so chances are it that this wasn't a complete accident either.
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04
My child has calculated his fate,
Must be born at this point
A woman must ask for a caesarean section.
I advised her that she was in good condition and could try to have a smooth birth.
"Doctor, the master has calculated our fate, and my baby will be born between 11 and 13 o'clock."
So many people in the whole country have chosen this time to be born, and the positions of princes and billionaires in the future are not enough.
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05
The patient made me smell her panties...
One night many years ago, I was on night shift, and a female patient appeared in front of me and whispered, "Teacher, I think there is a smell under me." So I suggested she check her vaginal discharge routine.
Then unexpectedly, the patient immediately took out a pair of underwear, "Teacher, I brought the changed underwear, you smell it, is there a smell?" “
I......
06
Maternal blood stained my "little brother" red
This was my first week at the delivery room.
She received a call from a midwife who said the patient suddenly felt a little uncomfortable after giving birth to a healthy baby.
Rushing to the ward, I found that I didn't need to have the brains of Detective Colombo and Jessica Fletcher to know that the reason the patient was "feeling a little uncomfortable" was that blood was gushing from her vagina.
I pressed the emergency call button in the hope that someone with the top would appear soon, while vaguely reassuring the patient that everything would be fine— while she was constantly decorating my legs with a column of blood.
The deputy chief doctor rushed over, performed a gynecological examination on the patient, and then removed a piece of placenta that caused the bleeding.
As soon as the foreign body was removed, the patient looked much better, and after a little blood transfusion, she was almost completely fine.
I went back to the locker room, ready to change into clean overalls. This is the third time this week that I've been soaked in my panties with someone else's blood, what can I do? I could only throw away my underwear and go back to work. This is CK's, and I feel that I am getting poorer and poorer the more I work.
This time the blood soaked deeper than ever, and I found that even my little brother was stained red.
Well, it couldn't have been worse – I could have contracted HIV because of it, and no one would believe I got it that way.
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07
I was killed back in a row to go back to the delivery room,
Because a man...
I was called to the delivery room by a killer beep.
The reason was that a husband sat blindly in the delivery ball and fell down and shattered his skull.
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08
At dinner time, I lost my friend
On this day, I had a rare dinner with friends, and each of them talked about the patients who had recently been treated.
I recently took a patient with a genital-length verrucous foreign body, "Like cauliflower, if you consider the color of the secretions, it may be more like purple cabbage." ”
However, they are obviously very reluctant to talk about this at dinner time.
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09
The 20-year-old girl was unexpectedly pregnant, and the reason was...
One day, I agreed with the patient's decision to terminate her pregnancy – she was a student in her early 20s who had accidentally conceived because of the wrong condom use.
We discussed other contraceptive methods in passing, as well as the correct use of condoms. So I found one of her big mistakes - although I don't advocate waste myself, it is no wonder that the condoms are turned over in the second round and used!
10
Doctor, my wife's uterine opening was opened for 6cm!
I'm a mason and I'm very measured in 1cm
One day, I received a lady at the triage office, she was about to give birth, and she was in a state of yelling. I asked her how quickly contractions were frequent, and her husband replied that 3 to 4 times per minute, each lasting about a minute. I explained that further examination was needed to make sure her uterine opening was a few centimeters open.
Her husband told me he had seen it and opened it 6 cm. Most men who are about to become fathers can't sneak up on the mysterious curtain and look inside, so I asked him if he was a medical worker.
No, he told me, he was a mason, but "I'm very measured in 1 centimeter, dude."
After checking, I found that he was right and almost more professional than most of my colleagues.
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I wish you all a happy holiday... Duty!
Source of this article: Medical Community Obstetrics and Gynecology Channel