The most failed example of educating children, the red letter is my perception, and may be useful to you

It is said that fate is created by oneself, but the understanding of creating fate and how to create is different for everyone, anyway, I was taught to work hard and so on.

Now that I am also middle-aged and greasy, reading countless people and personal experience, I feel that the factors that create destiny are not what I thought before: hard work can have a happy life.

Tell a story about the people around me.

There is a goddess living in the same compound, hehe, it is considered to be "someone else's mother", beautiful, tall, temperamental, well-spoken, good reputation, good popularity, and husbands are good looking and have legitimate work, but also the envy of the older generation of immortals.

At that time, I also heard adults praise her and envy her, saying that she was capable and able to run the housework. In the heavy industry factory, only she is a woman who can raise her salary, her achievements are obvious to all, she is working hard in a very hard and easy to injured post, and she is a capable and strong person.

We children will think that auntie is beautiful and kind, and very good at talking, but auntie is very strong at home, and will say to her husband, "You earn less money, do more work!" ", scolding their own children is even more important, no matter how many people in front of them, scolding in their mouths, swooping up and slapping ...

(This is the feeling that you have the ability, hating your spouse and children, not putting down your body, not helping your spouse and helping your children's heart, being on top, and being self-righteous!) It shows that in the family, everyone must put down their bodies and serve the family like servants! Help everyone in the family like God! Everyone has to feel like they're one head shorter than the rest of the family! Don't look down on anyone in the family, don't be picky about anyone in the family, for the children, the elderly, and the peers in the family, even if they find their shortcomings, what they will not do, what aspects are inferior to themselves, they must be completely tolerated, and do not pay attention to their hearts, often think of their advantages better than themselves, do not have to find one, but also often praise them! Because you can only help them, you are not qualified to fight them and bury them! Those who look good should also be covered at home, those who have the ability should also hide at home, those who can work should also pretend to be stupid at home, those who can talk should also pretend to be stupid at home, those who make more money should also be the credit of their families, they have no merit, and what they say to anyone in the family must be done immediately, and they must take the initiative to learn from the sages, and recommend to the family but not forced! ）

The child in my aunt's house was honest among the children of the same age in our hospital, but my aunt didn't like it.

She thinks that her children will take out a big bag when they bring cookies to other children to eat, which is too stupid! I think that the child will be bullied by the younger children in the hospital, too embarrassed!

I think that her grades are not as good as other children in the hospital, so that she, a mother, cannot stand in front of people - there are many students in our compound, and there are a few who study at famous schools when they grow up.

I still remember that when her child was bullied by the children, he obviously did not want to fight back, but under the intimidation of his mother saying, "If you are beaten again, I will beat you again when you go home", he had to lift his legs a few times, and the result was even more useless, and the aunt was even more angry.

Don't think that our children are afraid of aunties, there is no existence at all, aunts in addition to their own children, not only in the neighborhood colleagues are popular, children are also good, if you don't hear her in the middle of the night scolding the child's voice, I really think she is the kind of envy of "other people's mother".

Later, the aunt divorced, and the ex-husband not only had an affair but also hurt her greatly, even the children.

The aunt remarried and found a man she admired, and was very good to the man's whole family and the children of the man and his ex-wife, but he scolded his own relatives and flesh in public.

Auntie is not a woman without a job, everyone thinks she is very strong and decent, but the events after her remarriage let me see her servility and selfishness. She is a person with a job and an income, who can do it inside and out, if she shows to protect her children, surely others will not dare to hurt her children too much, but she pleases the whole family and her husband's children, but abuses her own flesh and blood in public, who will look up to her children? Her own children were not less angry and bullied at home. (At any time, think of your own child on your shoulders, no matter how poor his ability is, you can only help him, you can't always criticize him!) Occasional fingers are just fine; only look up at him, not down! Because he stood on his shoulders, he was a man walking on the road when he buried himself in the loess! ）

Later, we all grew up, and at the age when our peers were all going out to study, auntie's children had mental problems. But even so, the aunt and wife feel that the child has not eaten less and has not worn less, what disease is there? Saying that the child is pretending to be sick, complaining everywhere that the child is not sick and moaning.

The aunt also scolded the child with disgust when she cried: "There are ghosts in every temple that have died!" ”

Later, the child had violent tendencies and a heavy grudge, and in my eyes was the kind of person who had the hidden danger of revenge on society, and I chose to stay away from him in order to protect myself.

Other peers who have a good relationship with their children, after participating in the work, go to the aunt's house with gifts to see, the aunt is very happy, pull the child's friend to start talking about their children's various things.

After the child listened out of control, she seized the opportunity to continue to describe to the guest: "You see, this is it, I gave birth to him and raised him, saying that he is like this, you come to judge ..." (Long-term blows to the child have serious consequences, and do not want to admit responsibility, but also shirk responsibility in front of the guests, maintain their own dignity, but it is a harm to the child, this kind of parent stupidity!)

If anything bad happens in the family, all members of the family must think that this is their fault, so that everyone will wake up, correct the mistakes in time, help correct them without making mistakes, and everyone will not make such mistakes again in the future, and also eliminate prevarication and disputes, so that the family will be auspicious and prosperous! ）

After that unhappy break-up, it seems that no friends with children came to the door anymore.

Later, the child left home and ran away, wandering to the monastery, doing some work, the master provided food and housing, but also disciplined and disciplined, the whole person's mental state was renewed, and his face was not as vicious and terrifying as before.

This child will also go home to see it almost during the Spring Festival. But the Spring Festival aunt's family is not peaceful, for two consecutive years of the First Day of the New Year, the aunt scolded her children in the first year, scolded her husband in the second year, scolded her husband so angry that she did not eat, she was also angry that the dumplings she cooked were not eaten, and she took the bowl to eat.

In fact, the aunt's second-married husband has more affairs, but the aunt feels that the second-married husband has the ability to rely on the husband, it may also be for the face, not to say to the outside world, the women have hit the door, the neighbors will not know?

Don't think that auntie's popularity is not good, it is really not, her popularity outside is really good, the neighbors she gets along very well, it should be the so-called high emotional intelligence.

However, the aunt and child did not kiss her, as if they were still relatively obedient in the monastery, and they could not do it as soon as they returned home.

The child came home for the Spring Festival for two years, and one year he was sick by some things arranged by his mother. Another year after arguing with his mother, he was called by his mother to complain to all the relatives of his grandmother's family, and the relatives were very angry, and even the sacrifice of the grandmother did not let the child participate, and the child left on the same day...

Over the years, we have all started a family, and although the aunt and the second husband have worked hard with their shrewd ability for a lifetime, the family is getting more and more miserable. The husband she adored because of selfishness and lack of morality is worse and worse, and she does not care about her, her husband's son is a notorious loser, and it is good not to threaten her for money in the future, and although her children are restored to a little normal in the monastery, they are reluctant to go home. (Divorce, there are harms to children, the difficulty of raising children by a single person increases exponentially, if you do not recognize this, there is no enlightenment and family compensation for the children, to minimize the harm of divorce to the children, the child's prospects are worrying!)

In marriage, it is impossible to make yourself happy without recognizing your mistakes, not changing your heart and behavior, not confessing your mistakes and making up for your victims, and wanting to rely on external changes and change a spouse to make yourself happy. ）

Recently, I heard my aunt nagging about her various sufferings and saying that she did not raise her children well. I thought she was going to reflect on something, but I didn't expect that as soon as the words turned, I began to complain about the lack of good and evil retribution, how filial piety I respected my parents, how painful I am now, and how the child does not honor her! Then he immediately mended his own knife and said, "People who do not filial piety to their parents believe in nothing..."

I suddenly avoided listening, feeling that there was a very negative force, a very stupid and stubborn painful thing, and there was moral kidnapping and curse threats...

I actually remembered what my aunt said to her children with gritted teeth: "There are ghosts in every temple!" ”

In fact, the help between neighbors is very limited, because the aunt is only good at human relations and etiquette and courtesy in life, and does not give people too many practical benefits and too much kindness, so the pity of others for her, in addition to polite greetings, help a little help, will not take care of too much.

As an outsider, I can only say, "There is a difficult scripture in my family."

To say a true and selfish word, I don't want my aunt's child to come back, whether it has faith, whether it is true cultivation, I don't understand what results I get, I only know that my aunt's child used to be resentful of everything and uncontrollable, and I was also worried about the safety of myself and my family.

Now that auntie's child was educated by the master in the monastery, at least it would not hurt the innocent without being provoked by others, is this not to reduce hidden dangers to society? Anyway, I don't want myself and my family to meet people who are resentful, mentally out of control, and taking revenge on society.

Although we cannot demand everyone with virtue and wisdom, as a mother, how important is love and reason! If you can't take care of your own family and become a warm harbor for your loved ones, then it is just a skill to meet the source in the field.

People who are even contemptuous of their own flesh and blood, no matter how much they are attached to the children of their husbands and ex-wives, will eventually not get the hearts of others, and at the same time, they will also break the hearts of their own children.

The aunt has not had real respect for the child in the long years, nor has she had the hardest to protect her, and when the child is abnormal and mentally uncontrollable, moral kidnapping does not work.

The aunt thinks that giving alms is a loss, and even young children have to interfere with anger and intimidation, how can they give children a healthy and positive education?

Scolding children does not shy away from others, does not leave any face for others, but also slanders and isolates among common relatives, incites relatives and friends to hate together... It's really too selfish, so selfish that it's just yourself.

Only care about their own decency, trample on the dignity of others without a lower limit, even if this person is a close relative, there is a day when grace is broken.

Auntie is very hard, the ability to work is obvious to all, the popularity is excellent, but she has created such a fate, like Auntie, good at maintaining social relations, just good at some "skills", but she is still so selfish and cruel to her family, how can she pay much sincerity to people who are not related to others? How can such a person have a happy family and a virtuous and healthy child and grandchildren to serve? Good life, bad life, the real key is still the heart.

Speech:

This is the typical two-faced model, and it is also the model adopted by many people: to the outside is angelic, harmonious, well-behaved, good at winning people's hearts, and hard work; at home is the devil, vicious-looking, resentful, selfish, inconsiderate...

Why would a person leave the best side to outsiders and the worst side to your own loved ones? Deeply investigate the reason, in fact, vanity, selfishness, and self-righteousness. Because she knows that playing an angel to the outside world can get the praise of others, have face, have a sense of accomplishment, and can satisfy her own vanity; and for her relatives, once there is something inferior to her own or not as she wants, she will dislike, complain, and even hit and abandon! Lack of affection, compassion, compassion, and help, and unwillingness to give sincerely, because relatives are under their own control, others cannot manage them, and their nature is exposed!

Whether at home or in society, we must learn to pay sincerely, be good to our families, help our families, be good to society, and help society, and our lives will get better and better! Don't care about your own gains and losses, don't give up, don't complain, can't fight, can't abandon!

Moreover, if a person plays an angel outside against her will be very tired for too long, after all, it is against her heart, tearing off the mask and revealing her true face, she needs a venting channel, and the family becomes the victim.

Because of selfishness, because of hypocrisy, so I live as a two-faced person. No matter how good and outstanding they are, they are selfish and hypocritical by nature, and selfish hypocrisy can only get the results that others cannot sincerely treat and are unwilling to return to her.

What creates your destiny is not a clever means, nor a skill, but what kind of heart you have. A heart that loves and is sincere to others can naturally have a happy life, and vice versa.

(The original name of this article: she has strong ability outside, good popularity, and good reputation, but what she does at home makes people afraid...

2022-03-18 20:37, the red characters are added by myself. ）