01
Hello everyone, this is Dumb Daddy Parenting.
Recently, the variety show "Fifty Kilometers peach blossom wood 2" was launched. Unexpectedly, shortly after the show began broadcasting, 61-year-old Song Dandan was scolded on the hot search.
As the oldest guest on the show, Song Dandan brings her own age and seniority authority, and she also uses her actions to vividly interpret what is called "Chinese-style big parent".
When encountering unmarried young men and women, Song Dandan automatically became the third sister and six wives who urged marriage.
First of all, he asked Wang Sutaki if he had a girlfriend and what the ideal type was like.
It was again to persuade Dong Xuan to "find one" as soon as possible.
After that, he asked Song Yanfei: "Do you have it?" ”
You know, these guests and Song Dandan are not very familiar. I have only met a few times, and I ask such a private question in front of everyone, which can be said to be without a sense of boundaries.
When it comes to the meeting, it is logical that everyone should vote for the person who will preside over the meeting. However, Song Dandan, on the grounds of being the oldest, directly sat in the position of the speaker.
The desire for control is so strong that it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.
What was even more embarrassing was that during the meeting, Song Dandan proposed to hold a bonfire party, but no one except her wanted to do it.
Li Xueqin was straight-talking and complained: "Is it a bonfire party again?" Unexpectedly, he was reprimanded by Song Dandan.
"What are you going to do sitting here?"
"If you can't act at all, what do you want you to do?"
Seeing that the atmosphere was not right, Wang Sutaki came out to play the round field and said that he wanted to "brainstorm", but Song Dandan was in a bad mood: "Okay, I don't speak, now it is your responsibility." ”
Isn't this forcing everyone to listen to her in disguise?
Then, the young people proposed to hold a sports meeting, but Song Dandan stubbornly insisted on his opinion, and finally simply proposed to do both.
"Tomorrow is the party, the day after tomorrow is the games."
Hosting a party can not only play games, but also have to perform programs. Song Dandan asked all the girls to dance a girl group dance together.
This posture, like the New Year's parents forced you to perform in front of relatives and friends?
Things progressed to the point where Song Dandan forced Wang Chuanjun to perform the show.
Wang Chuanjun, a straight man of steel, was reluctant and replied directly: "I don't want to, I hate it when people push me." ”
Wang Chuanjun's hardness made the other young people applaud loudly, and finally someone dared to stand up against this super controlling parent!
In the end, Li Xueqin proposed to clarify the division of labor, so that everyone has both work and time to rest.
This was a good proposal, but Song Dandan misunderstood, thinking that Li Xueqin felt that someone was grabbing work. So I asked everyone, "Where's the job today?" "Any of you feel tired and stand up and say?" He also accused Li Xueqin: "You are making up a contradiction yourself!" ”
In the face of Song Dandan's question, of course, everyone was silent, who dared to refute the face of the predecessors!
In desperation, Li Xueqin only had to slap her mouth to break the siege.
In addition to crazy power control, Song Dandan also used "percussion education" for young people, especially Li Xueqin and Wang Sutaki.
At that time, everyone was sitting and chatting, and Song Dandan complained in front of everyone that these two people were responsible for making trouble.
Then he half-jokingly accused Li Xueqin: "Why are you so lazy?" ”
Wang Sutaki secretly expressed his dissatisfaction, saying that he was a role to be praised last year. But Song Dandan did not save face at all, and taunted: "You are a general in the dwarf." After that, you can't do it. ”
Wang Sutaki had nothing to say, and his eyes were full of speechlessness and helplessness.
I believe that all viewers who watched "Peach Blossom Wood 2" will feel embarrassed and suffocated across the screen.
Song Dandan is the image of a Chinese-style patriarch, full of high control over young people.
She thinks she's old, senior, and insightful.
As everyone knows, this wave of operations can only be exchanged for the disgust and rejection of young people, and cannot be exchanged for the respect and admiration they have in their hearts.
02
Some people may say that variety shows, of course, someone must sing blackface, and there is controversy to have traffic.
But in fact, Song Dandan can be said to be the true color of "Peach Blossom Wood". Because her attitude towards her son Batuu is also the appearance of a Chinese-style big parent, even more than that.
In a variety show, Song Dandan always shows his dislike and distrust of Batuu.
First, Yin Yang questioned Batuu's abilities in a strange way:
Again, he criticized Batuu by saying, "I gave birth to a piece of crap, look at people!" ”
He also shouted that he was going to the Civil Affairs Bureau to change his son:
At that time, there were still outsiders in the house. Besides, the camera is shooting. Doesn't this mean declaring Batuu to all of China that Batuu is a waste?
After that, Song Dandan was again disgusted with Batu in various ways.
Think he's too fat:
I think he has been disobedient since childhood:
Then, Song Dandan opened the "depreciation of one hold" skill, turning his head to hold the daughter of the Huang Lei family.
Familiar? A lot of parents like to do it...
At the dinner table, there are always some parents who take pleasure in their children's troubles from time to time, elevate other people's children, belittle their own children, do not care about the face of their children, and think that they are high emotional intelligence.
In addition to liking to taunt and suppress Batu, Song Dandan's desire to control Batuu is also extremely strong.
At that time, Song Dandan, after divorcing Yingda, found that all his friends went to Yingda. She began to become extremely sensitive, inferior, and even felt that "even the old man who saved the car would not want me."
At this time, her son Batuu is her only spiritual sustenance.
Song Dandan gave all her love to Batuu, and at the same time, she also exercised 360-degree control over Batuu without dead angles.
When Batuu was 14 years old, Song Dandan applied for the opportunity to study in England. But she couldn't rest assured, even if her English was a mess, Song Dandan insisted on accompanying her.
But on the other hand, when Batuu was always unable to distinguish between southeast, south, and northwest in Britain, Song Dandan was "a slap on the wrist when he raised his hand."
After Batuu graduated, Song Dandan planned a path for her showbiz, and also used his connections to let Batuu make cameos everywhere.
But she never asked Batuu if he really wanted to enter the show business circle and whether he wanted to be an actor.
Song Dandan's desire to control created Batuu's inferiority and also created Batuu's inaction.
On the contrary, it was her stepdaughter Zhao Ting, because of her identity, Song Dandan did not dare to take care of her. Unexpectedly, this kind of respect with a sense of boundaries has actually achieved Zhao Ting. In 2017, Zhao Ting's work "Knight" received four nominations for the American Film Independent Spirit Award, and was awarded the Bonnie Award in recognition of the outstanding female director of the year.
It is really heart-planted flowers that do not bloom, and there is no intention to plant willows. Two children who grew up in the same family have completely different life directions because of their mother's different education methods.
03
In fact, in life, Chinese parents like Song Dandan are not uncommon. Hitting the child, mocking, embarrassing the child in public, controlling the child without a sense of boundary... I believe we have all done similar things to a greater or lesser extent.
We always think that we are doing good for our children, but in fact, we are breaking the wings of the child's flight with our own hands and making the child a mediocre person.
So, as parents, what do we have to do to avoid becoming a Chinese-style parent who suffocates our children?
I think we can at least do the following:
- Maintain a sense of boundaries with your child
In life, how many parents have raised their children into "giant babies" in the name of "good for you".
Because of the fear that the child is "learning badly", he will casually look at the child's diary and mobile phone;
Because they are afraid that the child will "suffer losses", they will forcibly intervene in the child's life and interfere with the child's freedom;
Because I want to let my child take shortcuts, I point fingers at my child's life and say with words, "I eat more salt than you eat."
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said that many Chinese-style families are often symbiotic relationships, with a blurred sense of boundaries, I have you, you have me, caught in a dead cycle.
Parents have no boundaries to intervene, in fact, they are building a cage for their children, so that children lose the opportunity to grow, and eventually they will only make children become giant babies attached to their parents.
Therefore, parents need to keep in mind that the best parent-child relationship is just the right amount of love. We should not be the "answerer" of children, but encourage children to find the answers to life on their own; We also do not control the child's every move, every time we let go, the child's heart will have more love and freedom.
Respect the child's choice, dare to let the child to trial and error, let the child be responsible for his own behavior, only in this way, the child can really grow.
- Don't let "percussive" education ruin children
The killer skill of Chinese-style parents is often "strike-blow" education. They are worried that their praise will make the child forgetful and overly proud, so they blindly hit and belittle to spur the child to continue to work hard.
As everyone knows, percussion education is likely to make children fall into "learned helplessness".
"Learned helplessness" is a concept proposed by the American psychologist Seligman, which refers to the behavior of being at the mercy of repeated failures or punishments.
Simply put, it is "pendulum".
If the child can not get the affirmation of the parents no matter how hard he tries, the child will give up the effort, and the effort is useless anyway; If the child is always not liked by his parents, he will break the jar and break it and do more excessive things.
Over time, the child will become more and more rebellious, more and more negative.
It can be seen that percussive education cannot play a role in motivating children to be motivated, but will have the opposite effect.
So, what is the right thing to do? American psychologist Rudolf. Drex believes: "When children feel good, they can have internal motivation and make themselves better and better." ”
That is to say, parents should praise and praise their children for doing the right thing, so that children will have the motivation to continue to work hard.
When praising, we should also pay attention to the method, avoiding too broad praise, such as "you are awesome", but to specifically point out which behaviors the child is doing right. For example, if you can complete your homework on time today, it shows that you are a good child with self-discipline." ”
- In public, save face for your children
In addition, we must also save face for our children in daily life.
Many parents think that the child is still young, even if he makes fun of him, he will forget it for a while. But in fact, even the youngest children have self-esteem. To maintain the face of the child is to protect the self-esteem that the child is growing.
Educator Sukhomlinsky once said: "The dignity of children is the most sensitive corner of the human psyche, and protecting children's self-esteem is the potential force to protect children." ”
Only when a person has self-esteem can he admit himself, like himself, and have a sense of self-worth. And when a child has a sense of self-worth, he will have the motivation to work hard and be positive.
Some people say that there is a kind of unlimited liability company in this world, called Chinese parents.
Chinese-style parents do not love their children, but love their children too much. Because of too much love, I want to control my child and let my child take fewer detours; Because of too much love, they will want to belittle the child, afraid that the child will be proud and complacent.
As everyone knows, inappropriate love can sometimes become poison to hurt children. Excessive control will not only prevent the child from growing, but also make the child a giant baby who cannot grow up.
Parents who hope to read this article may wish to reflect on their own education model and not let their control ruin their children's lives.
May our children grow up happily in love and freedom.