Literature/learning is the treasure of the body
In the movie "The Piano Boy Who Wants to Fly", there is such a plot:
Originally the iq of the teenager Witt, like to play the piano, but also in the process of playing the piano felt happy and satisfied, but when his parents discovered his musical talent, hope that he can become a great pianist, Witt became unhappy, also unwilling to play the piano, and finally had to use an accident to make himself "ordinary", pretend not to play the piano, in order to retain their own freedom and space.
So why did Werther make such a shift?
The important reason is the overzealousness of parents.
In fact, many parents, like Witt's parents, care about their children's preferences, expect their children to be able to do things according to their own ideas, and hope that their children will become better under their own supervision.
As everyone knows, such a wish is likely to be disappointed, because the excessive enthusiasm of parents will weaken the child's initiative in doing things.
In today's article, we will talk about it from a psychological point of view.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="11" >1. Parents are overly enthusiastic and will attract their children's "passive attack"</h1>
I believe that many people have such an experience, originally wanted to do something, but if someone "ordered" to do it themselves, there will be a feeling of resistance in their hearts.
For example, the child has already planned to go to homework after dinner, but when he eats, the parents repeatedly urge "eat a good meal and quickly write homework", and the child is prone to rebellious psychology, either deliberately dragging slowly to eat, or dragging not to do homework.
This is also the reason why many children procrastinate, that is, the parents are too enthusiastic about their affairs, and the result of repeated supervision.
From a psychological point of view, children deliberately procrastinate and reduce their enthusiasm for doing things, which is likely to be a "passive attack" on their parents.
Passive attack, also known as invisible attack, is simply a person who vents his emotions in a negative, bad, and hidden way to attack people and things that he is not satisfied with.
In the film, Witt is using the negative way of playing the piano to vent his dissatisfaction with his parents.
It can be seen that the excessive enthusiasm of parents seems to be "for the good of the child", but in fact it is likely to destroy the child's initiative.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="52" >2. Excessive enthusiasm of parents will affect the child's sense of self</h1>
We all hope to be able to do things according to our own wishes, because this kind of motivation to do things from the heart will last, and we will also give ourselves a sense of achievement and value.
Just like Werther in the film, he went to the female pianist twice, and the second time was obviously different from the first:
The first time, his mother asked him to play the piano to the female pianist, he refused, his mother said "just play for me", he said "why is it always for you", in fact, the reason why Witt is reluctant to play the piano at this time is because the motivation to play the piano is not from himself;
The second time, Werther himself flew to the female pianist, and it was only for his own enthusiasm and love, just as the female pianist saw him for the first time, and he said, "Witt, you should not play the piano for your mother or for me, and then play the piano when you want to play for music, with a calm rationality and a warm heart, you can become a great pianist."
In the end, Witt did.
This is also the reason why parents should respect their children's wishes, that is, the child's sense of self-body is the driving force for children to maintain initiative.
The sense of self is a feeling and cognition of self-existence.
If a person is always unable to perceive the people or things around him in his own way, as well as the whole world, it is easy to form a "false self", and such a person, do not know who he is, do not know what kind of person he wants to become, of course, he will lose the enthusiasm for doing things;
When a person fully experiences his feelings and fully expresses his needs, he can have a "sense of self", and then know what he wants to do, and naturally have the enthusiasm to do things.
Like the later Werther, he knew what he was doing and what kind of person he wanted to become, so he kept the motivation and enthusiasm to do things.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="53" >3. Expect children to take the initiative, parents should control their enthusiasm</h1>
As mentioned earlier, parents expect their children to take the initiative in doing things, and they must control their enthusiasm, otherwise it will be counterproductive.
So, what should parents do?
First of all, parents should always reflect on whether letting their children do this to meet their children's needs or their own needs.
Just like the parents of Werther in the film, the reason why they are so concerned about the decline in their children's IQ and play the piano well is largely because they impose their own needs on the children, and they do not realize that whether the children are willing to play the piano or not is the child's own business, so they (especially the mother) have been unhappy.
Therefore, as a parent, you must always examine your own practices, distinguish which are your own needs and which are your children's needs, respect your children's needs, and help your children maintain their enthusiasm for doing things.
Second, parents should respect their children's choices and give timely support and encouragement.
Like grandpa in the film, he trusts and respects Werther, who understands Werther's ideas and supports him in a timely manner, including encouraging him to pursue his dreams.
Respecting the child's choice is not to ask parents to stand by and watch, but to provide some advice and help at the right time when the child needs help.
It can be seen that when parents respect their children, they must also learn to let their children ask for help, because the help of parents at that time did not damage the initiative of children.
Again, parents should not be overly enthusiastic and force their children to do as they wish.
Being enthusiastic and being overly enthusiastic is different.
Being too enthusiastic is to deprive the child of the right to make his own choices; to be too enthusiastic is to impose his own ideas on the child, which is to damage the child's sense of self, because the child has a sense of control; and enthusiasm is to express that he is willing to participate in what the child does and is willing to support the child.
In addition, parents should also pay attention to their own compensatory psychology, because it is also a manifestation of excessive enthusiasm.
In short, parents expect their children to take the initiative, they must be vigilant about their enthusiasm, try not to use urging when speaking, remind them, and do not exceed the child's initiative.
Sometimes a word from a parent can easily destroy all the enthusiasm of the child to do things, because the parents tell the child what he wants to do in advance, which becomes a command.
End of this article
Thank you for reading