Documentary & Image Source:
Leftover Women
Author 丨bu Na Na Na
Do you think an older, single woman will endure hostility from all sides?
Once, the documentary "Leftover Women" made by two Israeli female directors suddenly caused a hot discussion on the Internet.
Just by looking at the name, you know that it is a strong suffocation...
(Source: Douban)
01
Her name is Qiu Huamei, 34 years old, from a village in Binzhou, Shandong.
There are 5 daughters in the family, she is the youngest and the only one to enter the university.
After graduation, she stayed in Beijing and became a lawyer.
She is an excellent woman who has achieved class leapfrogging through hard work and deserves to be respected and admired by many people.
But because of the identity of the "leftover woman", all her efforts were devalued to nothing.
"Leftover girl" is a disgusting word.
In the entry, it is interpreted to refer to women who have passed the marriageable age generally considered by society, but are still unmarried, and in a broad sense refer to single women over the age of 27.
Look, it's full of insults to modern women.
And everyone who is defined as a "leftover woman" is unable to break free from the hostility and prejudice of society and family.
02
When it came to the marriage agency, Qiu Huamei said that she hoped to find someone who had a good education and respected women.
But such a simple condition was euphemistically ridiculed by the intermediary:
"You are not a beautiful woman, you are really old, you should not deceive yourself in the marriage market."
"If you choose marriage, you can't choose not to have children."
How can a red bride who promotes the marriage and love of men and women in the 21st century still stay in ancient times?
surprised.
In the marriage market, what was originally just a place for men and women to talk about love eventually became an asset appraisal and a large transaction.
No matter how good a woman is, as long as she is 30 years old, she becomes a "defective product".
reality.
03
After being introduced, Qiu Huamei met a fellow villager in Shandong, and at first the two talked with great interest.
Finally, disagreements arose on key issues —
The boy said:
"I want to be dominant in the family, I don't want girls to be much better than me."
Qiu Huamei was very disappointed.
She most wanted to find someone who could respect women.
The relationship between two people is equal, not who controls whom, or who is attached to whom.
Later, Qiu Huamei met a Beijing boy again.
He confessed:
"If you make a girlfriend out of town, the pressure will be greater."
Maybe it's unwillingness, maybe it's not wanting to give up.
Qiu Huamei went to a blind date again, and Qiu Huamei asked:
"What kind of girl are you looking for?"
The boy on the other side said:
"I'm past the age of love and just want to get married."
Perhaps, in the adult world, marriage and love can no longer be equated.
In the marriage market, everyone looks at the origin, income, work...
Anyway, no one wants to talk about feelings.
04
Every time Shao Huamei returns to her hometown, she will be bombarded by her family in turn:
The father said:
"In the past, in order to provide for you to go to university in Beijing, I was willing to sell blood. I'm proud of you going to college, but now people ask me if my daughter is married, and I have nothing to say. ”
The mother said:
"If you get married, we'll have a heart affair, and we don't have to worry about you all day."
My sister said:
"Learning is stupid, really learning is stupid, you are not normal, you are too selfish."
"Not getting married is a sentence, and no matter how happy you are if you don't get married, it's not called happiness."
After being accused by a thousand people, Qiu Huamei made a sentence:
"If I don't get married, I'm worthless, am I?"
It could be seen that she was desperate.
While sympathizing with Qiu Huamei, he was also deeply angry.
The underlying logic of judging a person's value should be whether it can be independent in thought and economically independent.
But why do women have to become married and have children?
05
In this documentary, two other women face the same problem.
Her name is Xu Min, 28 years old, a native of Beijing, graduated from a prestigious school, and is the anchor of a radio and television station.
Her parents bought her a house and a car.
Such a condition, do not worry about finding the object.
And it is.
But Xu Min's key problem lies in the mother's constraints.
Once, Xu Min knew a boy by a blind date, the other party was from the northeast, studied in the United Kingdom, and is currently a civil servant in Beijing.
However, her mother was not happy when she heard that she was not a local.
In her mother's heart, her daughter should find a local with a stable job, and outsiders have other plans.
When Xu Min tries to convince her mother, her mother will silence her:
"The house I bought for you, the car I bought, you don't give me any face."
These words are all too familiar.
The most common reason for parents to intervene in their children's marriages is "for your own good" and "gave everything for you".
For children, on the one hand, they do not want the discipline of their parents, and on the other hand, they enjoy the material help given by their parents.
In the end, the persistence of children is still unable to withstand the moral kidnapping of parents.
Her name is Gaiqi, she is 36 years old, and she is a university teacher.
Unlike Qiu Huamei and Xu Min, she has shed the shackles of the world.
She married a man who was much younger than herself and had a family in the countryside.
And spent a year to complete the birth of children, change jobs and other life events.
On the day of the marriage, the mother said:
"Marriage is a custom for thousands of years, and if we can't get over it, we still have to take the road that ordinary people have walked."
06
The three women selected for this documentary are all representative.
Qiu Huamei was single because she insisted on finding true love, Xu Min was single because she was always hindered by her family, and Gai Qi chose to compromise because of her worldly vision.
At the end of the film, Qiu Huamei chose to study in France, in a sense, to escape and liberation.
Before leaving, she said:
"I have lived a good life like this, because I am not married, I have lived a life of fighting and fleeing."
Heartbreaking.
Her parents think she is ashamed, the marriage agency says she is old, blind date machismo... Obviously it was someone else who was sick, so why did she blame herself for all the mistakes.
Is it only by "getting married" that you can get rid of all this pathology?
For the "compromised" Geki, what is the end of her marriage now?
She said:
"Before I got married, I felt like I was living a lot of fun. Life after marriage is not so fun and sometimes boring. But happier, better. ”
This kind of happiness is probably the relief of completing a task.
As for Xu Min, she will continue to search.
But because she and her parents' financial interests are tied together, she is bound to find the person her mother is most satisfied with.
07
Qu Tongzu wrote in Chinese Law and Chinese Society:
In ancient Chinese society, "the purpose of marriage was only the continuation of the clan and the sacrifice of ancestors." It's entirely family-centric, not personal. ”
Sadly, in today's civilized society, this idea still exists.
Just like when Qiu Huamei went to the marriage agency, the agent bluntly said that she was old and not gentle enough.
"Old age" means low fertility value, and "not docile enough" means not attached to men.
To put it bluntly, women are still regarded as tools for marriage and childbearing.
ay.
What is even more tragic is that under such social rules, if a woman is unable to complete this task, she will be put on the moral highest level.
When some of these women are unwilling to compromise and want to fight for their own rights, they will be labeled "pastoral feminism" by some people.
Criticized by society, kidnapped by family affection, overwhelmed by public opinion...
Too hard.
The pursuit of freedom of marriage and love has nothing to do with gender.
But after the anger, what can we change?
If nothing can change, then you must uphold your right and freedom to marry.
Documentary & Image Credit: Leftover Women