I wonder if you have found an interesting phenomenon:
Parents generally do not scold babies, but they do.
Babies are much more troublesome than children, and it takes a lot of energy to take care of babies, unable to communicate with babies, and is a small animal that is messy, selfish, and irrational.
But the child is much more trouble-free, he can also communicate with his parents, and he has a little self-control.
But why parents are so patient with babies, but carry out various punishment measures such as corporal punishment, humiliation, and reprimands for grown babies to carry out daily education, the reason is that parents' patience has disappeared.
Parents love their children at the beginning and do not use scolding.
This is more of a care for parents in infancy, and care is not considered education.
Just like the computer, the use of a computer is to take care of, and programming the computer is education, which is completely two different skills, relatively speaking, the use is much simpler than programming, which makes the patience of parents disappear continuously. Most parents think that care is education!
When children are one to two years old, when they begin to change from care to education, many parents begin to encounter various major setbacks.
They found that children are not only disobedient and difficult to discipline, but also difficult to educate. When children do not obey, parents continue to raise their voices, and various punishments emerge one after another, becoming more and more severe. Parents' education is not very strict at once, scolding when they come up, but there is a gradual escalation and gradual process.
When the child is naughty and disobedient, the parents' love turns into resentment and anger, and in a hurry, they can't help but make the act of scolding the child, and the child will immediately become very obedient because of the fear of emotion.
This is actually the characteristic of all social animals, such as lions, tigers, wolves, orangutans, etc., when they are hurt by their peers and are powerless to resist, they will show a submissive posture.
All violent punishments are the most primitive methods of submissiveness. Primitive behavior, social animals will use methods, not to mention what science and advanced. The cornerstone of hierarchical society is subservience, and the obedient is the lowest level of this society.
The dog's ancestor wolf is because of submission, tamed by humans, so this submissive education will also make children encounter insurmountable difficulties in the future.
Why do parents use such methods?
The reason is that when parents use such methods, they will feedback to their parents an illusion:
It turns out that "hitting is kissing, scolding is love", "when I was a child, my parents beat me for my own good, until I grew up, I didn't understand", "Filial piety under the stick is reasonable, and the methods of the older generation cannot be thrown away." "I was often scolded when I was a child, isn't it okay?"
These are the rationalized explanations that parents give themselves when punishing their children, as long as they think that their behavior is correct and reasonable, they can cover up their inner uneasiness, they can defend against the condemnation of others, they can let themselves be ruthless, and they can punish their children more heavily, and their hearts are still fluttering, "This is for his own good."
Corporal punishment has always existed in the education of the most primitive society, and the ancient education corporal punishment has a history of at least 4,000 years, whether it is schools, parents or masters who studied art in those years, they are using the means of corporal punishment.
In the movie "Farewell to the Overlord", the master of the drama class let the students sing, and the little stone sang word for word, and was beaten by the master" to make you remember, next time you have to do so!" ”。 Xiao Douzi was beaten up by the master because she sang the wrong song: You were originally a female jiao'e! As a result, he was beaten by the master.
Parents and teachers in ancient times lacked psychological science and educational knowledge, and most of them could only use the most time-saving and labor-saving methods.
The root cause of scolding children is also because of the lack of parents and teachers in educational methods, they explore the most concise and convenient and fast methods through trial and error, experience, and they are also trapped in this most primitive local optimal solution, and do not know the existence of other local optimal solutions and global optimal solutions.
Everyone's educational method is locally optimal in their own field, and it is impossible for humans to master educational methods other than cognition, so the difference is how big our cognitive field is and what kind of mentality we have.
If you take the idea of "the sky is round, the wellhead is so big" and "the things of the ancestors cannot be wrong and cannot be thrown away"; or the idea of "there is a sky outside the sky" and "iterating in new ways".
These two mentalities are worlds apart, and the education methods explored must also be worlds apart.
Having said all this, people think that scolding is unscientific and advanced, but it cannot be said that not scolding is scientifically advanced.
Yes, too many people now use the dichotomy to understand education, one is not to scold, the other is to scold. This is precisely the embodiment of the lack of understanding of education.
People with different positions in dualism believe that "no scolding = coddling" and "scolding = abuse".
This figure better reflects the relationship between education and scolding.
In fact, abuse and coddling do not belong to the category of education at all, they are the wrong category of education.
In any era, there are education methods that are scolded and not scolded, although there are punishments in modern times, but they are far from relying on scolding, and there will certainly be richer and more effective educational methods invented in the future for teachers and parents to use.
Educators should not simply put education in the "education should not be scolded" to argue. A better way is to constantly understand what ways can replace scolding, understand psychology, human mental development, cognitive psychology, etc., which is the advanced knowledge of science.
Many people think that scolding will not work, whether it is the examples around them or the great people who have passed it on, they educate their children through harsh education and corporal punishment.
This type of person is typical of "survivor bias."
Many people only see the corporal punishment and scolding received by successful people, but they do not see other educational failures caused by corporal punishment and scolding.
They don't see the education of successful parents beyond the scolding, and that's the key!
If scolding is the most effective and practical, modern society will not completely abandon this way.
The 1989 United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child provides that "no child shall be subjected to torture or other forms of cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment".
Moreover, many European and American countries have generally legislated that corporal punishment should not be used in schools and at home.
With the progress of society, people found that corporal punishment is only the optimal solution for a small part.
There is still a lot of debate about whether corporal punishment is at stake, so it will take generations to fully advance ideas.
Recommending a sitcom about education introduced in China that year, "Growing Pains", this drama has a revolutionary impact on education, so that many Chinese understand that education is not only corporal punishment, there are many ways to use education.
Alan Thicke, who plays father in the play, was named Father of the Year for many years.
If you are not willing to grow your knowledge through boring books and abstract lessons, you can find this drama, and continue to learn and progress in laughter, we will not only envision the warm, rational, and understanding family atmosphere, but also believe that we can create such a happy family in a modern way.
Scolding does not even belong to the category of education, so using scientific and progressive methods to promote the growth and progress of children can be described as real education.
The next article will introduce the lifelong impact of scolding on children such as violent tendencies, depression, and learned helplessness, which every parent cannot ignore!
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