I was born in a small, remote mountain village where transportation is inaccessible and medical conditions are extremely poor. Most people in the village lived in poverty, and my father made ends meet by doing chores and farming.
There are three siblings in the family, I am the second oldest, there is an eldest sister above, and there is a second sister below. The three sisters have been inseparable since childhood, relying on each other in a remote environment.
My father was hot-tempered, often vexatious, and scolded my mother at every turn. The mother in my memory is always a dark eye and her face is covered with scars.
I remember one time, when my mother had finished cooking, she was cleaning up the table and sitting down to rest, when my father suddenly moved his hand.
"You lazy girl, you know how to eat white rice! Know to be lazy all day! "My father thundered and dragged my mother's hair against the wall.
"I'm sorry Lao Zhang, I'm not tired." The mother begged, her face already swollen.
"Useless things, I raised you to let you have a son!" You can't even do this! "The father kicked my mother in the stomach, and my mother bent down in pain.
My eldest sister and I hid in the corner with our second sister, and we were both frightened by this sudden violence. The three of us sobbed softly, but did not dare to speak out, for fear of being beaten by our father.
This is not the first time that my father has scolded my mother for no reason, but our small body is simply powerless to stop it.
In this way, we spent a childhood shrouded in shadows. Although my eldest sister is only a few years older than me, she always tries her best to protect me and my second sister.
"Mom, are you okay, do you want me to give you some medicine?" The eldest sister asked softly.
The mother forced tears and shook her head: "No need, when he dissipates his breath, I will go to the river to get some clean water to wash." ”
My second sister and I also went to help my mother, holding her swollen face.
"Mom, if you endure it, we will definitely protect you and Dad when we grow up." I said with red eyes.
My mother smiled gently at me and stroked my hair: "My good girl, in the future, please take care of yourself and don't worry about me."
Every time my father vented, my mother still spoke softly to us like that. She swallowed her anger and never fought back in front of her father, just endured it silently.
I also asked my eldest sister why her mother didn't resist and let her father beat her like this. The eldest sister was silent, and then whispered to me: "Because she is our mother, she doesn't want this family to be broken like this."
I listened, and tears welled up in my eyes. Yes, in this gloomy village, all my mother could do was protect this mutilated home.
I began to understand that reading was my only hope to escape it all. My eldest sister has also always encouraged me and my second sister to work hard, saying that only knowledge can change a person's destiny.
With the encouragement of my eldest sister, I wandered between reality and the world of books, and while studying hard, I practiced the courage to wait for the storm to come.
That year, I was eleven years old and in the fifth grade of elementary school. The winter I remember was exceptionally long and cold.
The second sister had a serious illness, the high fever did not subside, and she did not wake up all day. We couldn't afford to see a doctor, so my mother could only fry some homemade herbs for my second sister to drink.
"Mom, I feel that my second sister's illness is getting more and more serious, or should we beg my father and send her to the county hospital to see?" I proposed.
When the mother heard this, a trace of hesitation and sadness flashed in her eyes, but she still shook her head: "This disease can't be delayed, it's useless to go to a big hospital, it's better to let her rest at home more."
I knew that my mother did not want to anger my father, because she had asked him to see her second sister before, but they were very resolutely rejected.
Day after day, the second sister's condition is still deteriorating. One night, she suddenly had a high fever, sweated profusely, and called out to her mother in confusion.
"Mom, the second sister's situation is very dangerous, we must send her to the hospital!" The eldest sister jumped to her feet in a hurry.
"Forget it, your dad doesn't agree." The mother said with red eyes.
"I'll beg Daddy!" I turned around and ran to my father's house, but my mother couldn't stop her from behind.
"Dad!" I pushed open the door and my father was sitting on the edge of the bed smoking.
"You little girl doesn't sleep at night, why are you running here!" My father glared at me.
"Dad, the second sister is very ill, please agree to send her to the county hospital for treatment!" I knelt on the ground and begged.
"Hospital? No money! It's okay with me to find a way to get sick myself. Father said coldly.
"Dad, the second sister may not be able to survive tonight, you should be for our mother and daughter, save the second sister." I couldn't cry.
"No money is no money! No need to beg me, can you mother and daughter run out of my money! Get me out of here! Father roared.
I could only wipe my tears back and go back to my mother and eldest sister. The eldest sister held me silently, and we were already in tears.
"How, did your dad promise?" My mother asked me with a hint of hope.
I shook my head slightly, and my mother nodded knowingly, and sighed heavily. She knew that asking for help from her father was doomed to be futile.
"Ahem... Mom...... At this time, the second sister suddenly coughed violently on the bed and was dying.
"Second sister, you hold on!" The mother threw herself to the bed and picked up her second sister. The eldest sister also came over to help pat her on the back.
However, the second sister's breath has become weaker and weaker, the cough is also smaller, the whole person is confused, and her eyes are scattered.
"Mom, I don't have the strength... Can...... Don't take that bitter medicine anymore... The second sister muttered weakly.
"Good, good, don't take medicine, second sister is good, hold on!" The mother hugged her and coaxed softly.
I looked at my second sister on the bed, her already thin body seemed to be even thinner, her eyes were deeply sunken, and her face was flushed.
At this moment, I held my breath. I saw that the second sister's body trembled slightly, and she stopped moving. She left us so quietly that we barely realized that death had been so vicious to a young girl.
"Second sister!" My mother cried out in grief, my eldest sister also slumped on the ground and cried, and I only felt that my blood was coagulated.
This is the clearest picture of that winter in my memory. My sister, my companion, left our mother and daughter forever.
When my father learned the bad news, he did not have the slightest sadness, but was furious. He kicked my mother a few times and threw us all out of the house.
"It's all you ladies who are useless and killed my daughter! Get out of here for me and never let me see you again!" ”
When my father threw us out of the house, I held my eldest sister's cold hand tightly. Facing the broken home and the cold body of my second sister, I felt cold and hopeless like never before.
We had to leave this sad homeland and be displaced to a big strange city. Here, we have almost nothing but to live on odd jobs.
I knew that at the age of eleven, I had to live strongly. Because I still have my mother and eldest sister, they need me, and I can't give up here.
In order to make a living, my mother and eldest sister and I struggled to find a job in this strange big city. At first, my eldest sister worked as a waitress in a small noodle restaurant, and my mother and I worked in a small workshop.
Although the eldest sister is only fourteen years old, she has already given up her studies and worked diligently to support her family. I was full of admiration for my eldest sister in my heart, and secretly vowed that I must study hard and live up to my eldest sister's expectations.
In this way, we lived a precarious life. The income was meagre, and the mother's health was also deteriorating. Life in the city was still too difficult and unfamiliar for me, an eleven-year-old.
"Classmate, don't rush to leave after school, I have something for you." One day after school, a boy in the class stopped me.
"Is there something going on?" I looked at him warily.
"This is what the teacher asked me to hand over to you." The boy smiled coyly and handed me an envelope.
I opened it and saw that it was full of money! There was also a letter from the teacher, saying that this was a bursary raised for me by my classmates, hoping that I could continue my studies.
I burst into tears, it turned out that I was not alone, and my teachers and classmates were silently caring for me.
"Thank you!" I said to the boy with red eyes.
"We all hope that you can study smoothly, you must come on!" The boys encouraged me too.
These kindness made me feel warm and strengthened my determination to study. I have to study hard and repay the expectations of my teachers and friends.
However, the good times did not last long, and when I was in junior high school, my mother's condition deteriorated. She began to go in and out of the hospital frequently, but she was still in a dangerous condition.
"Grandma, you must be hospitalized for this disease to save your life." The doctor told me and my eldest sister truthfully.
My eldest sister and I looked at each other and knew that this cost was not affordable for us.
"Doctor, we really can't come up with that much money, can you be accommodating?" The eldest sister begged.
"I can't treat your grandmother without being hospitalized, child, money is always more important than life." The doctor said helplessly.
I looked at my mother on the hospital bed, her emaciated face full of exhaustion. I knew we had to find a way to heal my mother.
"Big sister, you are here to take care of your mother, I'll go and raise money." I wiped my tears and said to my eldest sister.
The eldest sister hesitated, but nodded silently. I knew she couldn't do anything better.
So, I started working part-time after school, wherever I needed help, day after day to earn that little medical bill.
In this way, I was exhausted, and my mother's condition continued to deteriorate. One day when I came home from school, I saw my eldest sister's crying face again.
"What's wrong, sister!" As soon as my heart sank, I knew something must have happened.
"Mom, she's gone... The doctor said she couldn't hold on... The eldest sister sobbed and couldn't speak.
I slumped on the ground, my brain blank. We worked so hard, but my mother still couldn't wait until we earned enough money.
"It's my fault, I didn't save my mother, I'm sorry..." The eldest sister blamed herself, and tears came out of her eyes.
"It's not my sister's fault!" I took my eldest sister's hand, "We've tried our best, it's mom, she's really sick..." ”
"In the future, there will be only two of us sisters." The eldest sister eased her mood and wiped her tears, "I will definitely take good care of you, sister."
"Hmm!" I nodded heavily, "Sister, I will definitely study hard, get admitted to college as soon as possible, and then earn money to support you."
"Good." The eldest sister forced a smile at me. I knew that this was too much of a burden for her who was not yet fifteen years old.
But I believe that as long as our sisters have a firm will, we will be able to survive this difficulty.
I will never see my mother's warm smile again in my life, but I will always remember her teachings and become a kind and hardworking person.
In order to earn tuition, I worked in a small restaurant. The restaurant owner's name is Yan Ming, a middle-aged man in his early forties.
"Xiaoyu, you can stay in the store, so as to save the time of running back and forth." Yan Ming said to me one day.
I hesitated, but accepted, because staying in the hotel does save a lot of time.
Gradually, I noticed that Yan Ming cared about me a little strangely. He would take me back to my apartment after my night shift, sometimes holding my hand.
"Boss, it's not early, I should go back." Once, I tried to break free from his hand.
"Xiaoyu, you are already like my own daughter." Yan Ming looked at me, his eyes burning.
I thanked me politely and turned to leave, but he stopped me.
"Wait, Xiaoyu, stay with me, I'll be good to you."
Only then did I realize that Yan Ming had a different mind for me. In horror, I threw away his hand and ran away from the door.
After that, I never dared to go near Yan Ming, let alone continue to work in the restaurant. I don't want to get into this situation again.
In desperation, I had to go to a construction site to do odd jobs. It's hard, but for me, safety is more important.
"Little sister, come, go with your brother, it's much better than suffering here." One day at lunch, a well-dressed man came up to me and said.
I looked at him warily: "Who are you?" What's the matter with me? ”
"I am the owner of a real estate company, I see you pitiful, and I want you to come to the company to do things." The man said with a smile.
"No need, I can work here." I continued to eat, ignoring him.
"Little sister, let's talk slowly." Undaunted, the man took out a wad of bills from his purse and placed it in front of me, "You take this first, just report to my company."
I quickly waved my hand: "Thank you very much, I'd better work by myself." ”
"Don't be like this, money is important to you, isn't it?" The man added a few more large bills.
"I'm sorry, I'm not for the money, please leave." I firmly rejected him.
The man sneered and put away the money. "You'll regret it." He dropped the sentence and left.
However, I quickly realized the man's threat. Then I hit a wall when I changed jobs and couldn't find a place to make a living.
I realized that it must be the rich and powerful man who was making trouble behind his back. But even so, I didn't hold back.
Just when I was almost desperate, I finally found a very small restaurant, and the owner, Uncle Wang, sympathized with my plight and was willing to take me in.
"Kid, money is not the most important thing. As long as you have hope, keep trying to live. Uncle Wang is a kind person.
I nodded, rekindling the flame of hope. I believe that with my own hands, I will be able to live a dignified life.
All difficulties are temporary, and I must always be optimistic and courageous. I believe that there is always a bright day ahead, and I will welcome a new sunrise.
After working in Uncle Wang's restaurant for a while, I gradually became attached to this job.
Uncle Wang is very concerned about me, often shushing and warming, and also encourages and praises my work. I respected him as if he were my own elder.
"Xiaoxiu, are you tired of work? How about I take you home in the evening? "One night after the night shift, Uncle Wang asked me as usual.
"No need, uncle, I'll just go back by myself." I smiled and declined him.
"Okay, you have to take care of your safety." Uncle Wang watched me leave the store.
After that, I found that Uncle Wang's concern for me began to go beyond ordinary relationships. He often found opportunities to hold my hand or say something to me that made me uncomfortable.
I didn't take these signs to heart at first, thinking he just loved me like a daughter. Until one day, Uncle Wang finally said that sentence.
"Xiaoxiu, I like you, can you be my girlfriend?" When he sent me home in the evening, Uncle Wang plucked up the courage to confess to me.
I was stunned, I didn't expect the relationship to develop to this point. Although Uncle Wang was very good to me, I didn't feel that way about him.
"Uncle, I'm sorry, I only respect you as a father. This feeling was too sudden for me. "I didn't know how to respond except for refusal.
Uncle Wang was silent, and there was a hint of hurt in his expression. "I see, sorry, I took the liberty." He whispered this and hurried away.
After that, Uncle Wang did not appear in the store for several days. I felt embarrassed and uneasy, wondering if our relationship could be repaired.
At this moment, I suddenly realized that I had not been on my menstrual holiday for two months. I was shocked and hurriedly went to the hospital for examination.
"No way... The father of this child can only be... "My hands were shaking and I slumped on the hospital bench.
I knew that I had to go to Uncle Wang to explain the situation, and he would decide what to do. This was a terrible blow for me, a fifteen-year-old girl.
After seeing Uncle Wang, I told him the results of the examination in tears. Unexpectedly, Uncle Wang's reaction was unexpected.
"In that case, let's get married. I will be responsible for you and the child. "Uncle Wang offered to marry me.
I was dumbfounded. Indeed, in my own situation, Uncle Wang's suggestion may be the wisest. Despite the emotional resistance, I agreed to his request.
In this way, I was not yet sixteen years old and married Uncle Wang, who was more than twenty years older than me. After I got married, I moved in with him and started a new life.
I greeted my new life with apprehension and insecurity. The only hope is that this child will be born safely and I will be able to give her a complete home.
Life is never easy. I must be strong in the face of this sudden upheaval and prepare for my coming mother.
Soon after marrying Uncle Wang, I gave birth to a daughter named Wang Menglan. Life after marriage seems to be stable, and Uncle Wang is very good to me and my daughter, and does not ask too much.
But I knew in my heart that this hasty marriage was not destined to go long. Uncle Wang was gentle and considerate, but I was never able to fall in love with him.
"Husband, you're back, go see Menglan, she's been waiting for you for a long time." I greeted Uncle Wang in the living room when he returned from work.
"Well, we Menglan will definitely be excellent when we grow up." Uncle Wang smiled and entered the baby room.
I looked at his back, and a hint of surprise filled my heart. I could never give him true love.
In this way, the days passed day by day, and Menglan gradually grew up. I tried my best to play a competent mother and wife, but the guilt in my heart never went away.
Until one day, I took Menglan back to my hometown while Uncle Wang was on a business trip, but I met a strange beautiful young woman in front of the door.
"Who are you looking for?" She looked me and Menglan up and down.
"I am Uncle Wang's wife, is he at home?" I asked suspiciously.
The young woman's eyes widened, unable to speak for a while. At this time, Uncle Wang's voice came from inside the house: "Honey, why are you here?" ”。
With a bang in my head, I understood everything instantly. It turned out that he was only the legal wife of this man, and he still had other lovers in his heart.
"You're a bad guy, I hate you!" I protected Menglan behind me, and tears welled up in my eyes.
I left the hypocritical home with Menglan with me. It turned out that everything was just a superficial marriage, and my daughter and I were living in lies.
Back in the humble rental house, I told my eldest sister everything. She was silent for a long time, and finally let out a long sigh.
"Sister, don't blame yourself too much. Finding true love is not easy, but fortunately you still have a lovely daughter. "The eldest sister comforted me.
"It's me who is too reckless to hastily agree to marry him." I blamed myself.
"Come to Japan, you and Menglan can also live happily with each other. My daughter is still young and needs you. "My eldest sister helped me up and wiped my tears.
I nodded, feeling full of gratitude to my eldest sister. I also have a daughter who needs my care and I have to pick myself up.
"Mom, it's good that we only have two people, I will always accompany you." Little Menglan hugged me and said.
"Baby, I'm sorry, it's all mom's fault." I hugged my daughter and burst into tears.
I had to change myself for Menglan and become an independent and self-reliant woman. I can't let her repeat my mistakes and believe those sweet words that are hypocritical.
I want my daughter to grow up healthy and happy and have a carefree childhood. I believe that God will eventually favor our mother and daughter, and the future will be better.
Uncle Wang filed for divorce against me, and I have no objection. After the divorce, I raised my daughter Menglan alone.
In order to make a living, I started tutoring. Classes are taught during the day and some manual skills are taught on their own in the evenings. Although life is tight, the recognition of students and parents has also given me some spiritual satisfaction.
Time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, Menglan had grown to sixteen or seventeen years old and turned into a lively and cheerful girl. I tried my best to provide her with a physical and spiritual habitat for her to grow up carefree.
"Mom, Yunbin confessed to me, we are together!" One day, Menglan ran home excitedly and told me the good news.
"Congratulations on finding someone you like, remember to respect each other." I responded with a smile.
However, soon, Menglan told me in disappointment that she and Yunbin broke up because the other party's parents did not agree to the relationship.
"Mom, I want to go to the United States for further study." Soon after, Menglan came up with her own idea.
I readily agreed and encouraged her to see the world and fulfill her dreams. Although reluctant, I know that this decision is important for her development.
So, I took out all my savings and funded Menglan to study abroad. Watching her plane take off, I burst into tears.
Since my daughter left, I have lived alone for many years. During the day, I volunteer at the community center and pass the time by making my own snacks and handicrafts in the evening.
"Mom, we're getting married, you must come to the wedding!" One day, Menglan video call told me the good news.
I gladly agreed and began to go through the formalities for my trip to the United States. I believe that Menglan has found true love, and I am very happy for her.
On the wedding day, watching Menglan wear a white wedding dress and slowly walk on the red carpet, I was full of emotion. She's grown up and is no longer the little girl I can hold hands with.
"Mom, thank you for so many years of nurturing. I will live my life. Menglan whispered in my ear.
"My dear daughter, you will be happy." I hugged her, tears welling up in my eyes.
After marriage, Menglan stayed in the United States to live. She invited me to move to her too, but I chose to stay in China.
Occasionally, I would fly over to reunite with my daughter's family. The feeling of holding Moe Wa is extremely nostalgic and gratifying.
In this long journey of life, I have experienced too many unsatisfactory things. But instead of beating me, they made me more resilient and cherished the present.
I will go on with my life and record the years. They contain so much to be felt.
Watching my daughter find happiness, I also feel that my life is complete. To go through the wind and rain is to see the rainbow, and I finally waited for that light.