In a café, two elderly people are enjoying afternoon tea. Suddenly, an elderly man's phone rang, it was her grandson. During the call, her tone gradually became nervous and anxious, and she eventually hung up impatiently. After hanging up, she sighed and confided to her friends that she was often troubled by the difficulty of controlling her emotions when communicating with her children.
This is not uncommon. Many parents and grandparents often face similar challenges when communicating with younger generations. It's not just a generation gap, it's about the ability to manage emotions. Why do I have frequent emotional conflicts in my interactions with my child, and what makes a calm conversation suddenly tense?
The hidden reason behind the emotional outburst
When understanding the causes of emotional out-of-control, it is important to first recognize that emotions do not appear for no reason. Psychological research has shown that emotional outbursts often stem from deep psychological needs or unresolved internal conflicts. For example, one study found that middle-aged and older adults often have negative feelings when communicating with younger generations because they feel less respected or misunderstood.
The generation gap is also an important factor. People of different generations have different values and communication styles. When these differences are not effectively identified and respected, conflict can easily arise. In addition, life stress and health problems should not be ignored. As we age, physical and psychological stress can affect the ability to control emotions.
Then, the communication style itself is also worth paying attention to. A common misconception is the use of imperative or critical language, which often provokes a defensive response from the other party, leading to communication failures. On the contrary, a more open and understanding style of communication can effectively reduce conflict.
In this part, it is crucial to recognize that emotional outbursts are not simply behavioral problems, but are the result of a combination of factors. By understanding these causes better, you can manage and adjust your emotional responses more effectively, which can lead to improved communication with your child.
Emotions & Stress: Mastering the Science Behind It
Emotions are not just psychological phenomena, they are deeply rooted in the physiology of the brain. When you feel angry or anxious when communicating with your child, it's actually a "stress response" in the brain that's at work. In simple terms, it's an ancient survival mechanism designed to deal with threats. For example, when ancestors were confronted with a wild beast, their bodies reacted quickly, ready to "fight or flight." Stress in modern life, while no longer a physical threat, has not changed much in the brain's response to it.
This stress response involves a variety of hormones, especially epinephrine and cortisol. These hormones raise the heart rate, speed up breathing, and put the body into a state of heightened alertness. Long-term stress, especially in a home environment, can lead to persistently elevated levels of these hormones, affecting mood stability and health. For example, one study showed that long-term family stress was linked to health problems such as cardiovascular disease, anxiety, and depression.
Understanding the physiological basis of emotions and stress can help you deal with emotional conflicts in your interactions with your child more rationally. Knowing that these responses of the body are natural physiological processes can help people learn to manage their emotions more effectively and not be swayed by them. For example, when stress increases, you can help restore emotional balance by lowering your adrenaline and cortisol levels through deep breathing, relaxation training, or proper physical activity.