Author: Insight Yangtuo
When people reach a certain age, they are recycled.
When people reach middle age, no matter what kind of person they are, they are actually moving forward with a heavy load.
A lot of trivial things to worry about, and the troubles that cover up from time to time, make us nervous, and our responsibilities cannot be relaxed.
The pressure is getting bigger and bigger, but the energy of the body and mind is overdepleted, and it is often impossible to recover in time.
If we are always distracted by inconsequential things, the more we live, the more tired we become.
Less expectations from the outside world, more open-mindedness, and learning to save energy for yourself, in order to manage this middle-aged career well.
01
I only accept, I don't expect
American General Stockdale recounted his and his companions' eight-year captivity.
In eight years, his companions passed away one after another, and the reason for their death turned out to be too optimistic.
They always think, "Christmas can be let out, right?" If you don't let out at Christmas, you want to be let out at Easter, and if you don't get out at Easter, you think about Thanksgiving......
Their emotions fluctuated between hope and disappointment, and finally their confidence was worn out and they ended up depressed.
Dong Qing said: The best way to protect yourself is not to hope, not to hope, not to hope.
When we are young, we always hope that everything will go well, and it is only in middle age that we realize that the world is impermanent, and expecting too much is meaningless except to consume ourselves.
Life never changes for anyone, learn to go with the flow, in order to protect your energy.
In the winter of 1940, affected by the war, Lin Huiyin and his wife left Kunming and went to Lizhuang in the mountains of southern Sichuan.
Lizhuang is sparsely populated and the farmhouses are simple, and it is not at all the "paradise" that others imagine.
Many people who went with him were disappointed and complained, but Lin Huiyin didn't care, but felt that it was remote and barren, which could give him more time to focus on his studies.
The weather in Li Zhuang was wet and cold, which made her relapse of tuberculosis after many years of recovery, and she could only rely on the bed to work.
Her condition has not improved, and she received the bad news that her brother died on the front line.
Her husband and friends were worried about her, but in the face of all this, Lin Huiyin said: It's all like this, is there anything worse?
She did not frown because of this, nor did she complain about the unfairness of fate, but calmly accepted all the changes.
When he was in good spirits, Lin Huiyin dragged his sick body out of bed to see the beautiful scenery in the mountains and breathe fresh air.
I feel better, and my body is slowly recovering.
Zhou Guoping said: "People cannot control their own fate, but they can control their attitude towards fate and calmly bear the inevitable encounters that fall on their heads." ”
Especially in middle age, there are more and more things to do, and energy is becoming more and more limited.
If you let expectations exhaust your mental strength, it is better to put away your heart and catch what life gives.
Let the world change, and the heart will fix the Poseidon needle.
Don't expect, don't expect, allow everything, accept everything, in order to live your life well.
02
Only output, not arguing
Writer Cheng Jia once told about one of his experiences.
Once when he returned to his hometown during the Spring Festival, he talked about the topic of study with a relative and eldest brother.
The eldest brother feels that reading is determined by genes, and it is not good to read by himself, nor is it possible for his son to read.
However, Cheng Jia said that reading and learning is not genetically determined, and many methods can assist learning and improve learning ability.
Before Cheng Jia finished speaking, the eldest brother immediately retorted: "You look at those people in "The Strongest Brain", no matter what, watch it all in your mind." People like us forget what we acted in after watching a TV series for a few days, what's the use of learning. ”
So Cheng Jia immediately shut up and did not argue with him.
He knew very well that it was impossible for him to change the perception of his eldest brother for thirty or forty years.
By a certain age, many people's ideas have been formed.
If you force a debate, you will inevitably drain yourself.
More often than not, we just need to express our own opinions, and whether others believe it or not is not our issue.
In 1917, Hu Shi was hired as a professor at Peking University, advocating the replacement of classical Chinese with vernacular.
Huang Kan, a master of Chinese studies, opposed the vernacular, scolded Hu Shi when he saw him, and even went to class.
He once said to Hu Shi: "If you really advocate vernacular literature, you shouldn't be called 'Hu Shi', you should change your name to 'where is Hu going'." ”
When discussing the advantages and disadvantages of classical Chinese and vernacular in class, Huang Kan gave an example:
"For example, Hu Shi's wife in his hometown died, and his family sent a telegram to inform Hu Shi that if he used classical Chinese, he only needed 4 words 'wife will return quickly';
But if you use vernacular, you have to write 'Your wife is dead, come back quickly,' which is 11 words, and the cost of a telegram is twice as expensive as that of classical Chinese. ”
Hu Shi smiled and said nothing after hearing this, and did not argue from beginning to end.
He devoted all his energy to the vernacular literary movement, promoting "living literature", and making great contributions to the modernization of Chinese literature.
In 1928, his "History of Vernacular Literature" was published, and it won high praise from the literary world.
As the saying goes: you have to protect your energy and don't waste a little bit in a place where nothing is rewarded.
After middle age, everyone should have their own center of gravity.
If there is a disagreement, only express and not refute the proposition; if the position is different, only communicate, not justify.
Don't do unnecessary exertion, so as not to burn yourself out.
Saving time and energy to improve oneself is the maturity that middle-aged people should have.
03
Only screening, not education
Writer Bi Shumin said: Whether it is work or life, choose the right one with your heart, rather than bothering about the inappropriate.
In middle age, time is precious.
If you go to great lengths to educate a wrong person, what you end up wasting is your own hard work.
When netizen Meiji started his business, he recruited a 985 master Xiao Yang.
Originally, she was looking for someone with 3 to 5 years of experience in the industry.
However, considering the lack of highly educated talents in the team, he said to himself: with a master's foundation from a famous school, as long as he is guided attentively, he will soon be able to take charge of himself.
So, she began to transform Xiao Yang.
Xiao Yang was careless, so she arranged for Xiao Yang to write meeting minutes and train him in his ability to grasp details; Xiao Yang was introverted, so she took him to meet customers and forced him to "open himself"; Xiao Yang lacked eloquence, so she asked him to preside over group meetings to improve his ability to speak in public......
But after a few months, Xiao Yang did not become her right-hand man, but complained again and again.
And she herself was exhausted physically and mentally because of Xiao Yang's various mistakes in her work, while taking care of various relationships while re-managing various relationships.
In the end, she simply sent Xiao Yang away and replaced him with someone with rich project experience, which put her career back on track.
I remember that Bill Gates once said when talking about the company's employment standards:
"People are created by the past environment and experience, and what the company should do is to screen the right people from the crowd, rather than educate and train the unsuitable people. ”
This is true for companies, and it is also true for people.
The right people are all in tune, and the wrong people will be awkward to get awkward.
Just like the scholar Liu Yu, she once had a German friend, and the two had a good relationship at first.
But after getting along for a long time, Liu Yu found that the topic of the two was not in the same dimension at all.
Liu Yu expressed his opinion on a certain matter, and the other party immediately confronted him.
Liu Yu feels that it is important to be honest about her flaws, but her friends habitually avoid and cover them up.
Liu Yu likes to record at any time, but her friends ridiculed her for pretending to be literary and artistic.
Liu Yu wanted to communicate with her friends peacefully, but what she got was endless arguments.
In the end, Liu Yu gave up this friend, and she sighed: "We can't talk about going together at all." ”
The older you get, the more you understand that you are not fellow travelers, and no matter how much you run in, you will be strangers.
You can never turn him into the right person, you can only use your own energy.
And the best way to avoid this consumption is to screen the right people in the first place.
Only get along with people who are in sync, and only walk with people who are on the same frequency.
▽
Writer Xue Xiaozen said: When people reach a certain age, they are recycled.
After the age of forty, we don't have as much time and energy as before.
Any superfluous thoughts, undesirable impulses, can become an obstacle and a drain.
Because you can never make everything work out and you can make everyone fit in with you.
Only by saving energy and introverting oneself can one have the energy to pay attention to the things that are beneficial to oneself and the people you like.