It's been five years since I got divorced, and in the dead of night, I always think of that unbearable past. My ex-husband and I used to have a happy marriage, but it fell apart because of my encounter with my first love at a class reunion.
Now that I heard that my ex-husband had remarried and lived happily, I felt an indescribable regret in my heart, as if I was overwhelmed by endless remorse and self-blame.
01
Five years ago, I attended a class reunion that I hadn't seen in a long time. There, I unexpectedly met my first love. We used to be the golden boys and girls on campus, but then we couldn't get together for various reasons.
Time flies, and we are both middle-aged when we say goodbye, but the emotions of our youth do not seem to have dissipated with the passage of time.
That night, we talked a lot and reminisced about those youthful years. Before I knew it, I found that I still had deep feelings for my first love. And my first love seems to have the same feelings for me.
In this way, we started an affair that we shouldn't have behind our respective families.
At first, I thought it was just a short-lived passion that wouldn't affect my marriage. However, as time went on, I became more and more obsessed with the relationship and even began to dislike my ex-husband.
I don't think my ex-husband is romantic and considerate enough, and he is far less gentle and attentive than his first love. As a result, I began to be cold to my ex-husband, and even often found fault and quarreled.
02
My ex-husband noticed the change in me and tried to save our marriage, but I was so enchanted by my first love that I couldn't listen to his advice. Eventually, after a heated argument, we decided to divorce.
After the divorce, I thought I could start a new life with my first love. However, reality hit me hard.
The first love did not choose to divorce, but chose to return to the family. He said he didn't want to lose his current wife and children, and he was just impulsive to me. When I heard these words, I was going crazy, and I felt like the whole world was going to collapse.
I tried to save my first love's heart, but he no longer paid attention to me, didn't answer the phone, didn't reply to WeChat, and then simply blocked me.
Seeing the desperation of my first love, I couldn't help but think of the warm home before, and for this, I fell into deep pain and self-blame, and I began to regret my original decision.
I remembered how good my ex-husband was to me, and I remembered the happy times we once had. I began to miss those ordinary and real days, and I missed my ex-husband's care and tolerance for me. However, everything is irretrievable.
03
Recently, I heard that my ex-husband had remarried and was living happily. This news is undoubtedly worse for me.
I thought I had let go of the past, but when I heard from him, my heart couldn't help but hurt.
I imagined his life now, the happy times he spent with his new wife. I think he must have forgotten about me, about everything we used to be. And I, on the other hand, am still here, alone with the pain and regret of the past.
Every time I think about it, I feel like crying. I regret my choice, I regret that I gave up true happiness for the sake of an unrealistic dream.
I know that it was all my own fault, that I had ruined my happiness with my own hands. But what's the use of regretting? Time cannot be turned back, and the mistakes of the past cannot be reversed.
Finally, I would like to say that there is no regret medicine to take in life, and each of us must take responsibility for our own choices and bear the corresponding consequences.
Author's Note:
When a person reaches middle age, the "I" in the text lives alone, but what can I say at this moment? Who made her not know how to cherish it at the beginning and did the wrong thing.
What I want to tell you is:
Extramarital affairs will never end well, and everyone who has experienced it in life does not regret not being at the beginning, so please use loyalty to protect your original marriage, and don't ruin your life's happiness for a momentary passion.