#理想家生活#
Text/Osmanthus Material/Zhou Jie
(This article is written based on the life experience of the people around you, please read it rationally, and the whole network has been opened to protect rights)
Eight years ago, an accident broke the peaceful life of our family. My father, who is in his 80s, fell down in an accident while going out for a walk, and since then he has been paralyzed in bed and unable to take care of himself.
I've just been retired for seven months, and I haven't had time to enjoy the good life of retirement. Because his old father had an accident, he had to take care of him.
I am the eldest son in the family and have a younger brother and a younger sister. After my old father was paralyzed, I, as the eldest brother, took the initiative to take care of my father after discussing with my younger siblings.
Unexpectedly, this care made me take care of it for 8 years. After getting along with my father day and night for a long time, the tacit understanding between the two of us has reached 90%. Sometimes when I look at my father's eyes, I don't need to say that I know he's hungry.
During this period, his younger brother and sister also came to take care of him for a while, but his father did not like them to take care of them and felt that they were not as comfortable as me to take care of them. Either he disliked the food they cooked was not to his taste, or he thought they were not taking good care of them.
Sometimes I go to my son's house for two or three days, and his phone calls keep coming, a dozen a day, until I come back to take care of him. My wife said that my personality is like my mother, and I respond to my father's requests, maybe I owe my father in my previous life, and I have paid off my debts in this life.
After a long period of care, I was really tired and tired, and I really wanted to take care of my father, and several times, I wanted to tell my father to let him go to a nursing home for a while, so that I could also have a good rest. But every time I saw my old father, I didn't dare to speak, for fear that he would not agree to go to the nursing home.
Today, when I was riding my bicycle to buy groceries for my old father, my hand holding the tram suddenly stopped listening, and I felt that I was going to faint at any moment.
Halfway through the ride, I had to stop and rest for more than 10 minutes before I recovered. I went to a nearby clinic to check my blood pressure, the high pressure had soared to 160, I knew that my body was getting worse and worse, and if I didn't recuperate, my father didn't fall, I collapsed.
When I returned to my father's house after shopping for groceries, I talked to my wife on the phone and told her about my situation, and my wife said to me worriedly: "Old man, you are not young anymore, you are 70 years old this year, you really can't do it, send your father to a nursing home, or hire a nurse for him?" If you keep up, what can you do if something goes wrong? Listen to me, discuss with your dad and see if he agrees to go to a nursing home. ”
After hanging up my wife's phone, I was thinking about whether I should ask my old father for his opinion while cutting the meat for my old father. I thought about it for a long time and decided to have a good talk with my old father.
Pushing open the door of my father's room, I sat on the edge of my father's bed, lit a cigarette, took a heavy puff, and choked.
The old father looked at me and asked a little puzzled, "What's the matter, boss?" I've learned to smoke, have you encountered something?" Noticing my strangeness, the old father asked.
I was afraid that my old father would scold me for being unfilial, but thinking about my recent physical health, I finally said: "Dad, the ancients said that life is rare in seventy years, and I am now 70 years old, and I am also an old man." ”
When the old father heard this, he looked at me with wide eyes and said, "What's wrong with being 70 years old?" I'm in my 90s, and no matter how old you are, you'll always be my child. ”
I saw that the old father didn't understand what I meant, I thought about it, and continued: "Dad, it's true that I'm your child, but now that I take care of you, I feel more and more powerless, can I send you to live in a nursing home for a while?" ”
When the old father heard that I was going to send him to a nursing home, he didn't think about it, and immediately refused: "Don't go, I have a son and a daughter, and people can't laugh at me when I go to the nursing home." ”
"But Dad, you don't want to go to a nursing home, but I want to go." As I said this, I glanced at my old father to see his reaction.
"Do you want to go to a nursing home? What do you mean? You didn't go to a nursing home to escape not taking care of me, did you? Aren't you fine now? What are you doing there? There's a lot of money and there's nowhere to spend it. The old father said dissatisfiedly.
"Dad, I'm really tired and tired during this time, I have been holding on hard to take care of you, and now my body is not as good as yours, except that you are inconvenient to move and can't take care of yourself, you don't have any illness. But what about me, the pain has slowly come to me in the past two years, high blood pressure, high blood sugar, I can't sleep at night, I often have insomnia, you know, I am about to collapse from depression. ”
My old father, who had been a farmer all his life, did not understand what I said, and he was silent for a while and said: "Now you don't have to worry about food and clothing, unlike a few decades ago, you didn't have a meal after eating, why are you depressed?" All of your faults are caused by idleness. ”
"Dad, how do you say that my problems are caused by idleness? You see, I have been working since I was in my twenties, and I have worked hard for decades, and I finally survived until I retired, thinking that I could finally take a break, and finally I could go out to travel, but at this time you were paralyzed in bed and couldn't take care of yourself. ”
"I am the eldest in the family, my younger brothers and sisters have not yet retired, I can only give up my ideal life after retirement, work hard every day to take care of you, three meals a day, in order to cook delicious meals for you, I even watched a lot of videos from the Internet, learning to cook for you."
Before I finished speaking, my father snatched my words and said to me anxiously: "So take care of me, are you still wronged?" ”
Hearing my father say this, I was a little angry, my voice suddenly raised an octave, and I forgot that I was discussing things with him: "Of course I am wronged, have you tried to take care of an old man who can't take care of himself 24 hours a day." I questioned my father.
"I haven't tried this, you know, in the past, people's lives were hard, medical conditions were limited, your grandparents died in their 60s, but this can't be a reason for you to be wronged. When I was a child, I raised you like a treasure, and now that I'm old, you raise me, isn't that what you should do? The old father argued.
"Dad, I didn't say that I didn't support you, you also think about me, I have taken care of you 24 hours a day for 8 years, even if I am an iron body, there are times when I can't bear it, I am really tired, my tiredness is something you can't empathize with."
"What are you tired of? Taking care of me is not going to work, doing manual work. It's all hands-on, light work. Father said.
"Dad, in addition to serving you to eat and drink, I also have to bathe you and change your clothes. I put on diapers for you, thinking that I can be more leisurely and don't have to change you all day, but you don't like to wear uncomfortable, have you counted? You get your clothes and bedding dirty, how many times a day do I have to change them? ”
"Besides, you are old now, you have become like a child, your mouth has become greedy, you often can't control your mouth, there are some foods you can't eat, you have to eat, eat the stomach and pull it up again, I can only wash you every day, in the past few years, because you can't exercise, your body has become fatter and fatter, when I turn you over, I feel very difficult."
"You can't do anything except eat, drink and Lazar now, I have to chat with you every day, you can't see me for an hour or two, you are so anxious that you scream, the upstairs and downstairs neighbors have opinions about you, and they have complained about you many times in front of me."
Seeing that my neighbors complained about him, my father was silent again, but he still didn't agree to go to the nursing home.
He asked me tentatively, "What about your daughter-in-law?" You feel too tired to take care of me alone, so you can ask your daughter-in-law to take care of me for you! ”
Why is my dad so selfish? I only think about myself, I don't think about others, my daughter-in-law is not young anymore, she is almost 70 years old.
Thinking of this, I patiently continued to say to my father, "Dad, don't you know? My daughter-in-law is almost 70 years old, and this month my daughter-in-law gave birth to a second child, and she went to serve her daughter-in-law in confinement. How can she have the doppelganger technique to take care of you? ”
"Don't forget, she is also a person with parents, although her parents can still take care of themselves now, but they are also old, as a daughter, she has to go back often to see them, cook for their old couple, clean and clean."
"Last month, she also hired a nurse for her parents, this nurse took good care of my father-in-law and mother-in-law, or I will also hire a nurse to take care of you, I am too tired to take care of you."
I have talked about this, and the old father still does not let go: "No, I watched on TV and said that those caregivers are not good, and they often abuse some disabled old people, I don't want to be the target of abuse, I don't want to hire a caregiver." ”
"What are you afraid of, I will be by your side to supervise and make sure they don't abuse you."
"That's not going to work, I don't like people taking care of me". Again, the father refused.
"But, I'm so tired, I'm afraid that one day, I'll fall before you." I muttered.
The father said, "I'd rather let your brother and sister take care of me than hire a nurse." ”
"My brother had surgery a few months ago and is still recovering, and my sister has to take care of her in-laws and two little grandchildren, and she is busy like a spinning top all day. Besides, they used to dislike you for being difficult to serve, and now that you are getting older and more difficult to serve, do you think they will be willing to serve you? ”
"Dad, you can be considerate and considerate of me, go to a nursing home for a while, I will take care of my body, and then take you home and continue to take care of you, okay?"
"If you don't go, if you don't go, you won't go, if you force me again, I will climb and fall down the building and die to show you, let others see, what an unfilial son you are, forcing the old father to death."
The old father became stubborn, and the six relatives did not recognize him. He could say anything, and I was also angry and said: "But I'm forced by you to jump off the building now, I plan to go to a nursing home for a while, if you don't go, you can live at home by yourself, I really can't stand it." Today I went to buy groceries for you, and I almost fainted on the way, and I really can't hold on like this. ”
When my father heard me say so seriously, his tone softened: "Otherwise, you let my grandson take care of me." You raise him young, he should raise you old, how about letting him serve the two of us? ”
Unexpectedly, the 90-year-old father is not stupid, his thinking is surprisingly clear, he thinks about all the relatives who can take care of him, he just doesn't want to go to a nursing home. But I have the experience of serving my old father, and I won't let anyone serve me and provide for me in my old age.
I said to my old father: "I have served you for 8 years, I deeply understand the tiredness of serving a person, after I am old, I would rather go to a nursing home or hire a nurse, serving people is really too tired, physical tiredness is acceptable, but mental torture, always will knock a person down, your grandson's career is on the rise, his pressure is also very great, I will not drag him back." ”
After I finished speaking, the old father was still silent. If he doesn't agree, I don't know what to do. Alas, the bitter post-50s and 60s.