To understand why narcissistic people like to belittle others so much, we must first understand what the word "narcissism" means.
In psychology, there are many theories about narcissism. The American Psychoanalytic Society defines narcissism as an act in which a psychological interest is focused on one's own attention, while others consider narcissism to be a broad, non-specific concept that is attributed to how the self is viewed.
No matter what the theory is, or the theories of various schools of psychology, everyone will have a general psychological consensus on narcissism, that is, the ultimate direction of narcissism is to focus on the "self".
Kohut once said that narcissism is a sense of self-worth that comes from competent experience, a real feeling that oneself deserves to be cherished and protected.
That is to say, the narcissism of the average individual is not unhealthy, but only if the individual is excessively narcissistic and exceeds the scope of society's tolerance for narcissism.
What does that mean? It means that you must be concerned about yourself, and you must maintain empathy and the feeling of caring for others. While being self-satisfied, don't override the feelings of others, this is good narcissism.
Let's take an analogy.
You were in your class, your grades were very good, and you were able to get first place in every exam, so you felt very confident inside. There are often classmates who come to you with a set of exercises that you don't understand, and ask you for advice.
If it's a good attitude, then your expression will look like this: "This question is quite simple, I know, I have often done this kind of problem, I know better." Let me teach you, teach you once and you'll be done. ”
This narcissism is in moderation. While respecting the feelings of others, he also expressed his self-confident attitude, I am better than you, but I will not bully you, you will not I will teach you well, so that you can learn how to face it.
If it's unhealthy narcissism, it's the following attitude: "Why are you so stupid? It's so simple, I did it in less than two minutes. You can't do it in half an hour? I think you're just too stupid, forget it, you can learn it yourself, it's useless for me to teach you. ”
Unhealthy narcissism leads to a pattern of intense aggression. Not only attacks, but also often bring a lot of belittling and slander, a kind of "self-respecting, superior" attitude.
The more narcissistic they are, the more demeaning they will be, and the more they will embarrass others.
In doing so, it is actually a problem of their psychological dysfunction. I take myself too seriously in everything, I always feel that Lao Tzu is the best in the world, omnipotent, no one is better than me, mine is right, you are not doing it right.
In life, you can observe who has these arrogant thoughts around you. If a person's speech and attitude can make you feel this sense of oppression, condescending and superiority, then they are most likely narcissists, and it is difficult to have empathy to understand the process of others.
In terms of self-esteem and the function of personality structure, narcissists like to belittle others, which is also a sign that their own personality is not perfect or immature. , a coherent state with a coherent and idealized object, he looks at the problem comprehensively, objectively and profoundly, and never looks at things in black and white.
For example, if a couple is in love, the man can't come back for dinner after working overtime, and will be busy outside for two or three days before going home. If your mental function is sound and you are aware of the other person's situation and hardship, then you will not cry and spill, and you will show understanding;
However, some people can't do it, and once the other person doesn't contact them, they will become angry, and all kinds of insecurities and abandoned experiences will arise, which will project all kinds of negative perceptions.
If you don't come back, you don't love me anymore, and you're ready to abandon me and find a new love; You're lying overtime, and I feel like you don't want to pay attention to me at all, you're just looking for an excuse to avoid my feelings for you.
This unbearable sense of rupture and the loss of idealized objects can lead to persecutive delusions in the object, leading to a dysfunction of the individual's psychological functioning and a complete inconsistency with reality.
The reality may be that they work overtime and nothing else, but for them, it's like a disaster, and they don't even have a chance to talk properly.
When a person is excessively narcissistic and develops it over a long period of time, it will form "narcissistic personality disorder", and to this extent, it is not a matter of debasement, but there will be other more serious psychological traits.
Therefore, if everyone wants to live a happy life and have a harmonious interpersonal relationship, the most important thing is to improve their mental ability, which is the most important link. Only when you get through the narcissism and become healthy can you get along with others.