These 7 signs in your child show that you have raised him very happily (parents, please collect)

New Oriental Family Education

2024-06-18 17:53Posted in Beijing, creator in the field of parenting

Author: Jin Shanyue, the main creative group

Regarding children, there is a paragraph of copywriting that is very distracting:

"I want him to look like a well-raised child. He doesn't have to wait for his clothes to get dirty before he changes, he has a variety of meals every day, and he has parents who love him......"

If you were to judge, what would be the standard by which a child would be well raised?

Good grades, politeness, love to work? Or is it lively and cheerful, well-behaved and sensible?

In fact, children who are nourished by love and grow up often do not look so "well-behaved", but are naughty and mischievous, crying and making trouble.

They never suppress their emotions, they are full of curiosity about the world, they have opinions, courage, and self-affirmation.

Good growth is traceable.

If you have these 7 signs in your child, it means that you are raising him well.

Likes to talk nonsense

What is it like to have a little chatter at home?

One mother complained that as soon as her child came home, his mouth was like a machine gun, and he took turns "bombing" the adults in the house.

It's just "nothing to say", which makes people feel funny and boring, and I can't wait for this child to hurry up and go to school, so that the roots of his ears can be clearer.

But you know what? If you like to talk nonsense, it just proves that you have raised your children well.

Because only in a relaxed environment will children have the desire to express and share.

In the past, we often fell into the misconception that when talking to children, we had to talk about something useful.

But the consultant slowly pointed out that the so-called "useful" carries a lot of purpose and utilitarianism.

Rather than talking nonsense, do you want to hear what your child has learned, what goals he has, and what honors he has won.

As for the children, under the expectations of their parents, they are bound to talk to you like employees reporting to work, and keep silent when they have nothing to do.

In the long run, it will be difficult for us to have emotional flow between us and our children, and there will be less laughter and laughter at home, and it will become cold.

What's more, some studies have pointed out that if more than 90% of what a person says is nonsense, he will be happy. If the nonsense is less than 50%, the sense of happiness is insufficient.

So, don't be afraid of your child talking nonsense, but encourage him to express himself positively.

More sharing, less reasoning, more communication, less torture, more fun, and less encouragement.

Allowing children to say what they want is a prerequisite for building a good relationship.

Cry when you want to cry at home

On Weibo, there is a hot topic -

#动不动就掉眼泪的娃, what is the difference between a child who can't hold back and doesn't cry when he grows up#.

In the topic, netizen @林子 shared the story of himself and his younger brother.

As the eldest son, Lin Zi was asked to have an "elder brother" when he was a child, he couldn't cry when he was wronged, and he had to endure being beaten and scolded.

As for the younger brother, because he is young, his parents are more pampered, he is very casual, laughing when he is happy, and crying when he is sad.

In contrast, Lin Zi is very sensible, but he obviously feels that he has lost his "ability to be happy".

As for the younger brother, although he was labeled as "willful", he lived a frank and honest life, and was more popular with everyone.

In the topic comment area, some people sighed: Children who cry when they want to cry at home are the happiest.

Because, they have been respected by their parents, their feelings have been seen, and they have been understood and accepted.

At home, he can be sad and depressed, and he doesn't have to manage his emotions as strictly as an adult;

He can cry, he can be weak, he doesn't have to be ashamed of it, he can release himself without burden.

And these moments of acceptance, tolerance, and permission will help children form a more sound personality.

Have your own opinions

Recently, I have also encountered a parenting problem, that is, I feel that my daughter is becoming more and more disobedient.

arranged for her to learn Go on the weekend, and she had to go to the science and technology museum with her classmates; She was advised to read more books, and she said she preferred documentaries.

Even the little things of eating and dressing, she is very "picky", and she disrupts my arrangements at every turn.

For these trivial things, the two of us quarrel every day, so I went to consult online.

I thought everyone would empathize with me, but I didn't expect many parents to say that their children are assertive and a necessary stage in the process of growing up.

There are also professionals who say that the need for choice and a sense of control is in everyone's nature.

Only when the subject of doing things is "I", life is interesting and life is meaningful.

If you force your child to be obedient, he will never be able to be his master.

You ask him for advice, and he says "whatever"; You give him a choice, he says "all right", you put the opportunity in front of him, he says "it doesn't matter".

Such a child seems to be worry-free, but in fact it is the most pitiful and distressing.

If you don't want your children to live as our puppets, you must know how to "empower" them.

Allowing him to be assertive, encouraging him to make choices, and helping him establish "self-sovereignty".

A person who only has the final say in himself can live the life he wants when he grows up.

Don't be afraid of disappointing others

Huang Shiming, a psychological expert, told a case.

A lady who is tutoring with homework often gets angry at her child's slightest mistake.

She couldn't help but scold the child, but she regretted it very much afterwards, and she was in extreme contradiction every day.

Teacher Huang asked her, "What is it that makes you angry?" ”

The woman said, "I can't stand my child getting the question wrong. ”

But Mr. Huang shook his head: "No, what is 'exactly' that I'm asking?" ”

The lady seemed to understand a little and said, "It's disappointment, disappointment that the child has done something wrong." ”

However, Mr. Huang shook his head again: "It's not right, in fact, fundamentally, you are disappointed in yourself. ”

Hearing the teacher say this, the lady suddenly burst into tears and choked up about her upbringing.

It turned out that she also had a pair of strict parents who often criticized and blamed her.

And what she fears the most is that her parents are frowning, because it means that she is disappointed again.

Teacher Huang said: "To truly love a child, we must cultivate a kind of courage, a kind of courage that is not afraid of the disappointment of others.

Believe it or not, you see, those children who have been raised well are never afraid to make mistakes.

When they make a mistake, the first thing they think about is not the attitude of others, but 'how can I correct it?'. ”

It's a "growth mindset" – treating mistakes and failures as accidental events and using frustration to improve yourself.

But the premise is that parents must first be tolerant and guide their children to think positively, so that children can have a growth mindset.

There is a full mood

This time, the blogger @Hongling's series of videos "Love in Three Meals a Day" has become popular.

She posted her daily routine of delivering meals to her daughter and chatting with her children on the Internet.

In the video, the little girl is eating a delicious meal while chatting with her mother about interesting little things.

What news did you see, what was the weather like, playing with your classmates, and what were your plans for the weekend......

That full emotion, that love for life, can be clearly felt across the screen.

Psychologist Daniel Gorman once said, "Family life is the first school we learn about emotions." ”

The reason why the daughter in the video is so beautiful is inseparable from having a mother who is emotionally stable and gentle and considerate.

When parents can output emotional value, say less frustrating words, and do less negative energy things, children can naturally be deeply nourished and become sunny and cheerful.

Immerse yourself in your child's world and inspire them with love and you will see him more energetic.

There is love in the heart

A few days ago, a friend said that her best friend now is her child.

When she is bored, the child accompanies her to go shopping and watch movies; When she is anxious, the child tries to divert her attention.

When she had a cold and fever, the child brought her water and medicine, and she was depressed, and the child also pulled her to go outdoors to relax.

Sometimes, she also wonders why she is not as good as a child when she is an adult.

Later, she began to pay attention to the observation and found that although the child was small, there seemed to be an innate energy in his heart.

Walking in the small garden, the child will talk to the grass and flowers, and when he sees birds and insects, he will not hurt them;

Occasionally, when encountering stray cats, the child will immediately go home and patiently feed them with the cat food he bought with his pocket money;

Get along with your peers, see who is in trouble and come forward to help, and play with toys and always share generously.

Bi Shumin once said: "Only with a big heart can you be happy and angry, and you can lose strength." ”

Don't look at the child's age, but a good growth environment will shape their strong heart.

This pure heart can have a beautiful connection with everything around it.

What parents need to do is to support them spiritually and create a loving environment for their children to grow up.

A child is like a reservoir, where there is a source of love before there is a lifetime of abundance.

Self-acceptance

When you were a child, did you ever have such worries:

"Am I doing something wrong again? Do my classmates have any problems with me? Am I bad? ”

And when you grow up, you will habitually have internal friction and involuntarily speculate on everyone's minds.

According to psychotherapist Shi Qijia, these manifestations are due to your inability to accept your "inner child".

When a person is overly beaten at an early age, he will fall into deep self-doubt and find it difficult to accept himself.

On the other hand, if a child is confident and optimistic, it just proves that he has received support from his family early.

Therefore, when a child can praise himself for doing a small thing well, we should not think that it is arrogant, but say, "I am proud of you." ”

"The Road Less Traveled" says:

"The raw sense of self-worth acquired in childhood is the driving force behind our mental health, and even when we encounter major blows and setbacks in adulthood, that deep-seated sense of self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence will give us the courage to overcome difficulties."

It's like what psychology calls "self-worth."

The higher a person's self-esteem, the more they are able to combat unsatisfactory things in life.

Especially for children, being able to accept themselves represents their true maturity.

Write at the end

As a mother, I often think about the question of whether I am fulfilling my responsibilities as a parent.

In the era of such involution in education, I am often anxious because my daughter does not do well in the exam.

But when I saw my daughter playing happily every day and warming me like a little sun, I knew that I had raised her well.

It is said that parents love their children, and they have far-reaching plans.

But don't misinterpret this sentence to mean that we need to plan for a successful life for our children.

Many times, a child has a sound personality, a rich spirit, a love for life, and a concern for all things, which is far more important than any dazzling achievement.

What really requires us to think deeply is actually the ability of children to achieve happiness.

Encourage parents and friends.

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