Writer Henry James once said:
"The best life is a gorgeous waste."
The same is true for good love.
A person who loves you knows how to "waste".
If you know how to waste, you will also understand the true meaning of love and marriage.
Know how to "waste" time
People who love you know how to waste time.
In the variety show "Goodbye Lover", screenwriter Wang Qiuyu and his wife spent time together to the extreme.
Wang Qiuyu stipulates that couples must not spend more than half an hour together in a day, and they must also make an appointment in advance.
One autumn, his wife followed Wang Qiuyu into the crew to film.
Coincidentally, not far from where they were filming, there was the sparkling Taihu Lake, and his wife wanted to go and see it.
So, during the break, his wife wanted Wang Qiuyu to accompany her to Taihu Lake for a walk.
Unexpectedly, Wang Qiuyu shouted loudly:
"Did you make an appointment in advance?
It takes more than 10 minutes to walk, aren't you wasting my time? ”
The wife didn't expect that such a trivial request would attract her husband's scolding.
She couldn't figure it out, so she replied:
"I'll never go to Taihu Lake in my life."
After the incident, the husband's attitude remained the same as usual and did not change at all.
In the end, his disappointed wife chose to divorce.
I've read a particularly heart-wrenching sentence:
"A person who doesn't even want to give you time, can he expect him to give you love?"
When you think about it, it is.
People who are not even willing to give you time have time to love you.
Netizen @刘金花 once shared one of his own stories.
Once, my husband was on a temporary business trip and was away from home for several months.
Because they missed it too much, the couple made an appointment to meet in the nearest city.
As soon as the discussion was completed, Liu Jinhua immediately ran to the station and bought a car sleeper ticket.
After 11 hours of shaking, when I arrived at my destination, it was already 1 a.m.
When Liu Jinhua got out of the car, she saw her husband who was already waiting in front of the car.
She was surprised why her husband, who had traveled farther, had arrived first.
It turned out that in order to arrive early, my husband changed motorcycles, ferries, taxis, and subways along the way.
They wasted more than ten hours just to see each other.
But they don't feel hard, and the time wasted has become their sweetest memory.
Writer Lin Qingxuan said:
"Romance, in fact, is waste.
Wasting time eating slowly, wasting time drinking tea slowly, wasting time walking slowly, wasting time slowly getting old. ”
Know how to "waste" money
People who love you know how to waste money.
Some people say:
"In the emotional interaction of the sexes, waste is a crazy romance.
Whether a person loves you super much depends on whether he is willing to 'break the rules' and waste it for you. ”
After getting married, the burden of life gradually became heavy.
In the face of firewood, rice, oil and salt, we can always save and save, but we forget that a dull life also needs a sense of ritual.
In the book "The Five Languages of Love", there is such a story.
A couple, on their 10th wedding anniversary, is overjoyed and ready to celebrate with her husband.
Early in the morning, after her husband went out, the wife secretly ran to the bakery to order a cake.
In the evening, when the husband came home and saw a large box of cakes on the table, he was puzzled.
At this time, his wife came running over and said happily:
"Today is our 10th wedding anniversary, so I bought a cake on purpose.
I want to ...... with you."
Before the wife could finish speaking, the husband interrupted directly:
"Why are you so wasteful, it's not a big deal.
The cake is so expensive, and I don't like to eat it, so why waste money to buy it. ”
After a few counts, his wife was full of grievances and couldn't help complaining:
"In the ten years of marriage, you have never given me any gifts on important holidays.
Today I bought a cake with kindness, but you say I wasted it. ”
After saying that, he cried and turned to leave.
It was supposed to be a sweet and romantic day, but the two broke up unhappily.
Material things are the necessities of life, but some money needs to be "wasted".
For example: flowers for the holidays, gifts for birthdays, meals for anniversaries.
While these things add extra expense, more importantly, they can make tedious routines more ritualistic.
Writer Yataro Matsuura said:
"The best way to spend money is to waste it on enriching personal experiences and feelings."
I think so.
Many good things in life are worth "wasting".
The so-called "waste" does not have to be squandered, and there is no need to make a big splash.
The luxury is the heart, and the rare thing is the affection.
Those little money spent for love light up our lives and awaken our love.
So "wasteful", why not?
Understand the language of "waste".
People who love you have endless words to talk to you.
Zhang Jiajia said:
"A comfortable relationship between people is one who can speak at any time."
I once read a short story about Lu Xun and his lover Xu Guangping.
When they were separated, writing letters became the only way for them to communicate.
What do they talk about in the letter?
In the eyes of ordinary people, it must be some amazing content.
For example, the turmoil of the times, the suffering of the people;
Or poetry and song, life and philosophy.
However, in the correspondence they exchanged most of the time, they talked about trivial things in life.
For example, Lu Xun wrote in the letter:
"Since yesterday, I have stopped eating green peppers and changed to peppers.
再谈。 ”
Xu Guangping replied:
"Can't you add salt to a light dish?
It's not a way to eat more pepper, isn't it good to buy canned food for subsidies?
There is always a place to buy ham, can't you make it and eat it?
Don't save money!! ”
Similar conversations abound in their letters.
These letters were later included in "Letters from Two Places", which became an album of love letters for both of them.
"The Book of Two Places" may be too plain and unpretentious, but in the days when we are in each other's days, isn't it these trivial and ordinary nagging that each of us needs most?
In the variety show "Wonderful Story", there is an issue of debate that is:
"Correct nonsense, do you still need to say it?"
Debater Yang Qihan's words moved everyone present.
He said:
"A lot of times we can't talk because we're not very good at talking, we're not afraid to speak.
I can only say that you have tried a lot of hard work and drank more hot water, which is already doing your best.
However, beautiful love is actually about finding someone to talk nonsense, and a lot of I love you is hidden in nonsense. ”
Yes, the nagging of the lover, these seemingly useless nonsense, contain the purest love.
Writer Su Cen said:
"The so-called happiness is to find someone who is willing to talk nonsense to you and is willing to listen to your nonsense."
A truly comfortable relationship is one with endless nonsense.
And the real meaning of nonsense is probably to be able to talk about poetry and distance, as well as firewood, rice, oil and salt.
Two people, you say, he laughs.
The present world is stable, and the years are quiet.
▽
Two people are together for a better life.
And a good life requires knowing how to "waste" appropriately.
I like a quote from Yataro Matsuura:
"There will always be scenery in this world, but only those who know how to waste their lives will see it."
A good life, not in a hurry, walking slowly, but you can see different scenery;
A good marriage, tepid, and learning to waste can make the relationship flow for a long time.
I hope you and I can stand side by side with our beloved, let the frost and snow fill our heads, and watch the flowers bloom and fall in front of the court, and the clouds roll up.