After reading the social research of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, I found that when parents do these 4 points, most of the children are academic overlords 

New Oriental Family Education

2024-07-01 11:09Creator in the field of parenting

Author: Jin Shanyue, the main creative group

Every year in June and July, the college entrance examination is connected with the high school entrance examination, and children's learning has become a hot topic in society.

A few days ago, the results of the college entrance examination were announced, and the son of Sister Li in our office, who studied science, took the 620 test.

I did a pretty good job.

But Sister Li heard from the teacher that this score is in Shandong, and it is a bit hanging in 985 colleges.

Sister Li was a little lost, and her colleague Xiao A thought it was unnecessary, she said:

"Now that educational resources are monopolized, ordinary families can't raise super students at all."

Subsequently, she found an interview with sociologist Jiang Yilin.

The interview revealed that half of the children in Beijing's top high schools come from high-income elite families, and most of these children are later admitted to universities such as Tsinghua University and Oxbridge.

Xiao A is very emotional, it is really "elites gather to enter prestigious schools, and it is difficult to produce noble sons from poor families".

But I'm against that, you can't just look at a certain phenomenon in a certain region.

After all, among the people I know, there are many children from working families who are also proper school masters.

In order to convince Xiao A, I found a social survey conducted by Professor Li Zhongqing of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences.

After decades of investigation, Li Zhongqing found that:

"From the 50s to the end of the 90s of the last century, about 35%~40% of the educational elite came from workers' and peasants' families, and the monopoly of education by the children of the upper class of society was broken. Even if the gap between the rich and the poor widens, the proportion of students from working and peasant families is still quite stable, and can remain between one-third and forty percent. ”

And behind these data, there is also an educational truth hidden -

Parents who can cultivate top students attach great importance to family education.

In other words, the fate of children's academic hegemony is not predestined, but in the hands of parents.

In particular, parents who do the following 4 points can better support their children's future.

Words and deeds in high-quality company

Teacher Wu Zhihong has received a business executive.

This executive earns a lot of money, but the child is not worried, and he counts down to the exam.

He spends no less than five figures a year on tutoring classes, but the child just hasn't grown.

He asked Teacher Wu for advice on how to make children fall in love with learning.

Teacher Wu said: If a child's inner needs are ignored and cannot be accurately responded, the child's heart will become colder and colder.

And this "coldness" is not explicit, but a kind of lifeless depression that is not interested in anything, including reading and studying.

Therefore, in the process of children's growth, high-quality companionship is more important than spending money to buy resources.

So, he gave this man a piece of advice: take an hour a day and devote yourself to playing football and reading books with the child.

When a child establishes a close bond with his parents, he will have the strength to cope with the boring and heavy schoolwork.

After a while, the executive reported that with his company, his son loved to read extracurricular books, and his essay scores came up.

There is a saying in the education industry that there are two ways to raise children: the "key model" and the "seed model".

The former is to see that the child has a problem, and then solve it, so that he can become a key to the child.

The latter is to plant a seed in the child's heart, so that he can take root and sprout under our care.

Compared with the "key model", the children raised by the "seed model" often have more internal drive and vitality.

But to do this, parents need to be like gardeners, patiently watering and weeding, and taking care of them day and night.

In addition, the words and deeds in the details are also essential.

Principal Li Xigui said: Children will not be what you want them to be, they will only be what you are.

Put down your mobile phone, reduce socializing, and pass on life experience and learning methods to your child, so that he can be full of motivation for learning.

Expand your knowledge beyond books

A few days ago, I revisited the documentary "Little Boy" and was very inspired.

Yin Ran, an 11-year-old boy living in Guangzhou, is very fond of insects.

His parents took him outdoors to observe the habits of insects and make detailed records.

Some people say that delaying children's learning in this way is purely unprofessional.

However, the fact is that because children often go outdoors, their physique is better, they are more energetic, and their learning efficiency has improved.

There are also Tao Qize and Zhang Yuchen from Beijing, who love robot manufacturing.

It is also with the support of parents that they use their extracurricular time to study.

From elementary school to high school, the two children published a total of 10 science and technology articles, and their level of mathematics, physics and chemistry was significantly higher than that of their peers.

What's even more gratifying is that Tao Qize and Zhang Yuchen have both received admission letters from their ideal universities.

Among them, Zhang Yuchen was also invited to go to foreign universities to participate in programming competitions and give academic speeches.

For a long time, parents have two parenting logics.

One is to treat the child as an investment according to the standards of modern society, invest time and money in him, and also demand a return from him.

The other is to follow the ancient logic of human beings, to regard the child as the inheritance of life, and to treat him as a living person.

According to the first logic, parents will trap their children in books and turn them into exam machines.

According to the second logic, children are allowed to fully experience and dabble in a wide range of areas, and they will be able to learn a lot.

Over time, these fragmented knowledge outside of books will be integrated by children at a certain moment, forming a closed loop in education.

Tao Xingzhi said that life is education.

Take your children to read extracurricular books, go to museums and science museums to play, and observe the natural world......

Only by liberating children from the sea of questions can they develop a real "scholarly physique".

Provide a steady stream of emotional value

"Emotional value" is a hot word in the education circle in recent years.

More and more people are realizing that raising children is all about the emotional stability of their parents.

However, in reality, many parents are very disgusted with this statement.

Everyone is old and young, and they are burdened with making money in the middle, and then they are required to have no emotions, which is simply difficult for a strong man.

Imagine waking up early and commuting to work at night, doing housework, and doing chores.

Let you accompany the baby to do homework for 3 hours at night, and deal with his procrastination, carelessness, and naughty mischief.

finally survived the final exam, but the child's grades did not rise but fell.

In this case, I am afraid that no matter how good the temper is, it will collapse.

So, I don't want to put pressure on parents anymore, but share a little communication skills to help you deal with negative emotions.

Professor Hu Shenzhi gave us a demonstration in "Out of the Original Family".

If the child's exam is not satisfactory, many parents will hold back their anger and pretend to be relaxed and say:

"It's okay, don't worry if you don't take the test once, just keep working hard."

However, Professor Hu believes that this is not a sign of emotional stability, but a thunderbolt for a subsequent outbreak.

Because the fundamental problem is not solved, your worries and worries cannot be released, and you can only accumulate more and more in your heart.

What's the right thing to do?

The first step is to be honest about your grievances and concerns, so that your child can understand the importance of learning.

The second step is to analyze the wrong questions in the test paper with your child one by one to find out what the reason for the loss of marks is.

The third step is to develop a targeted learning plan and use specific actions to help children solve problems in learning;

The last step, and the most crucial, is to put aside this exam and talk to your child about how he has been feeling recently.

"How do you get along with your teachers and classmates?"

"How are you doing lately, are you feeling unwell?"

"Regarding learning, are you resistant or accepting, are you panicked or peaceful in your heart?"

Let the child completely open his heart, find the root cause of his "bad learning", face it together, and solve it together.

Learn this kind of effective "consistent communication", and the initial anger and anxiety will disappear.

What's more valuable is that the child has received specific and practical help from his parents in this process.

This is called, providing emotional value to children.

Abandon the meritocracy of spiritual upbringing

Blogger @徐徐, engaged in adolescent psychological research, has been in contact with many top students.

During a live broadcast, he expressed his concerns:

"I've found that too many good students don't know why they're studying, or even why they're alive. A child told me that he is alive now, just living according to other people's logic. ”

Xu Xu is very sad, the last thing he wants to see is that parents only pay attention to grades and ignore the mental health of their children.

But this upside-down plot is played out all the time in life.

Some parents asked him, what kind of child is a real scholar.

Xu Xu said: "The so-called academic bully, first of all, 'bully' in a strong heart. ”

In other words, Xueba is not only good at studying, but more importantly, not fragile and able to withstand pressure.

In European slang, the psychiatrist calls it shrink, which means "contraction".

Why?

Because the root of many psychological problems lies in "too big self".

For example, too sensitive, too inferior, too nervous, too much evaluation in the unexpected world......

Understanding this, we understand that the key to nurturing children's minds is to "shrink" our expectations and requirements.

Don't ask for too high grades, too eye-catching certificates, too dazzling talents......

Loosen the strings of children's tension in learning and give them plenty of inner nourishment.

After all, physical and mental health is the most solid foundation for a person's academics.

Write at the end

Have you ever wondered like this?

The same class, the same teacher, the same set of teaching materials, why are the children taught so different?

Some people say that the difference is in talent and IQ.

Obviously, there are many smart children, but in the end, they are unknown to the public.

Some say that the difference lies in family background and resources.

But there are also many children of rich people who don't learn and don't have skills.

In fact, the educator Vonnarsky has long made up his mind -

"What a child becomes is shaped by his parents."

A good family education can illuminate the path of children's growth.

Therefore, there is no need to blame yourself or be frustrated for not being able to provide your child with a top-level elite education.

Because of ourselves, we can be the best educational resource for children.

Encourage parents and friends.

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