In May this year, I resigned from a tertiary hospital and left my nursing position after six years. My uncle, who had always supported my decision, even called me several times to persuade me to think about it for a while. Because in the current difficult employment situation, it is really not a wise move to talk naked.
When my relatives and friends learned of my resignation, their first reaction was to feel sorry: "Such a good job, don't you want it?" There are so many people who can't go if they want to! ”
A tertiary hospital is like a besieged city, people from the outside want to come in, and people inside want to get out. If a person drinks water, he knows whether he is warm or cold. Those who have really experienced it will know that behind the glamorous work, there will always be endless troubles.
Stills from "Notes in Red".
The golden sentence circulating on the Internet says: The two happiest moments for workers are just finding a job and leaving their jobs. I still have the text messages from the hospital. Even though it's been six years, I've changed my phone several times, and I'm not willing to delete that text message. I graduated from the ivory tower of the university, and when this hospital, which is quite famous in the entire Southwest, extended an olive branch to me, I considered myself the luckiest person in the world.
It is said that nursing is an easy profession to get a job in, but when I graduate and see thousands of people competing for dozens of nurse places in the same hospital, I can't help but wonder if this statement is supported by rigorous data.
The competition is so fierce, so when I am not good enough, I can stand out from thousands of people and squeeze into the door of the hospital, my mood cannot even be simply described as "happy" and "happy".
At that time, I thought that I would cherish this job and actively shine in the nursing position, and fulfill the oath of a medical student. My mom even jokingly said, "Come on, maybe you'll get a chance to win the Nightingale Medal in the future!" ”
Stills from "Mischievous Kiss".
After entering the hospital, I was assigned to the Department of General Surgery. This is a department with a wide range of diseases, such as stomach, intestine, thyroid, breast and other diseases, as long as there are indications for surgery, they are all within the scope of the department.
As a novice nurse, I was initially taught by a senior nurse teacher, similar to an intern. It was only after half a year that I started working independently. At that time, I was most afraid of receiving a call from the department after work, and as soon as I saw the familiar cornet displayed on the screen of my phone, I knew that I must have made something wrong again.
Every time I pick up the phone, I can feel my heart beating faster and worry if my own negligence is causing the patient's problem. Fortunately, the person on the other end of the phone asked me either that one of the mercury thermometers was missing, or that the consumables I received were not counted. Even though I had to pay for what I lost, fortunately, the patient was safe. When it comes to life, medical personnel can never make mistakes.
In my first year on the job, I had a different practice exam every month. Training at the beginning of the month, after which you have to use the time off work or rest to practice repeatedly in the department, so as not to be criticized for failing in the strict examination at the end of the month.
Stills from "The Life of a Witty Doctor".
Frequent exams disrupt normal life, and sometimes I finally have a break, and I was going to get together with friends, but I also lost my time because of the operation training. Although I feel tired, I always cheer myself up, just keep persevering, and persevere until I finish all the operations in the exam, my life can get on the right track, and I have time to relax.
By the time I had completed all the operations, a full year had passed, and I had gone from a novice nurse with no experience to a young nurse with some experience. I naively thought I was liberated, but when I took my energy away from the constant stream of exams, I realized that there were more tasks waiting for me.
In the hospital, seniority is emphasized. Most of the senior "old" nurses only need to complete the clinical work and leave work on time, and the head nurse acquiesces that they are not assigned other tasks, while the younger nurses are naturally expected to take on more tasks.
In tertiary hospitals, leaders seem to expect nurses to become all-round talents, not only to complete clinical nursing work without errors, but also to learn teaching, scientific research, housekeeping, editing, photography and other skills. Of course, these tasks are usually assigned to young nurses like me.
In the past few years, I have been arranged by the head nurse to participate in various competitions, such as nursing teaching lectures, case reports, etc. You must know that when I first filled in the college entrance examination volunteer, I didn't choose the normal teacher because I didn't like to stand on the stage to speak. Unexpectedly, after going around and around, becoming a nurse can't escape this link.
Stills from "Doctor Trough".
Before each competition, I not only had to use the break time to make PPT, but also had to design the presentation, write the script, and memorize the lines. Then, under the advice and request of the head nurse, it was revised countless times. In the days before each competition, I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and was worried that I would make a fool of myself on stage. Every time I stand on the stage and be stared at by dozens or hundreds of pairs of eyes below, I don't feel like a nurse, but like a monkey performing in a circus.
I know it's not right, but I'm an introvert and sensitive person, and I don't like that kind of occasion. I discussed with the head nurse not to send me to the stage to compete, but she always rejected me on the grounds of "training" and "training".
Of course, my colleagues of the same age as me did not have an easy time, some of them were arranged to make popular science videos, some had to participate in a photo contest in the hospital, and some had to complete SCI papers.
We sometimes cry out in the small groups we have secretly set up: because of these annoying tasks, we have lost a few more hairs, and a few more pimples have been added to our already sallow face. But we are only limited to wailing in private, when the head nurse sends a new request, the worker only dares to weakly type the word "received" in the dialog box.
In addition to coping with various competitions, teaching and research tasks arranged by the hospital, clinical nursing work is actually not easy. The department I work in is a surgical department, and there are many emergency departments and elective surgeries. Most of the patients have gastrointestinal tumors, and they cannot eat normally after surgery, and they not only need to be infused with a lot of fluids every day, but also have a lot of treatments such as intravenous injection and nebulization.
Stills from "The Mental Ward Will Also Welcome to the Morning".
Although there are documents suggesting that each nurse in a general ward should not be responsible for more than 8 patients on average, the ratio of nurses to patients in the department is not balanced due to various practical situations. A nurse is responsible for more than a dozen patients during the day and more at night.
The bedside call bell comes and goes, often because the patient in this room has not been dealt with, and the patient in the other room has something to call the nurse. What's more, in addition to the routine work of injections and infusions, it is also necessary to admit new patients, fill in assessment materials, handle doctor's orders, prepare for surgery, and receive postoperative patients.
Walking 10,000 steps a day is the norm at work. Even if I am resting at home, I can judge how busy the department is today by the WeChat steps of my colleagues.
Although it is a weekend every week, it is always after the night shift. I don't have the energy to go out at all, I just want to lie in bed and sleep. All kinds of festivals and holidays are also taken in turn, and sometimes they are not even connected, but separate and separate. Plans to travel with friends and family always don't come true, and most of the time I can only look at the travel photos posted by other people's circle of friends with envy and jealousy.
Stills from "Doctor of the Night".
I work two night shifts a week, and staying up all night is a physical challenge. In particular, the night shift in the postoperative ward could not be stopped for a moment. Some patients have anesthesia reactions after surgery, are unconscious, and even punch and kick medical staff; Some patients do not follow the doctor's instructions and will try to remove the various indwelling tubes on the body; Some patients are in critical condition and must be ready to be rescued at any time...... And the night shift often has only one or two nurses on duty.
In fact, physical exhaustion is secondary, and more important is mental stress. Life is fragile, in the hospital, the condition may change anytime and anywhere, medical staff need to be observed, dealt with in time, and recorded in time. When a person's life becomes a responsibility on his shoulders, it is like a boulder pressed in his heart, a thin string is tightened in his head, and he cannot relax for a moment, and he is in a state of high tension at any time.
Under the double pressure of physical and mental, I was completely depressed after the night shift, and endocrine disorders and irregular heartbeats were the norm. Colleagues often point to the ECG monitor in front of the hospital bed and joke: "We may also need to lie in bed for monitoring." "In this situation, I'm not sure how long my body can withstand it.
In books and media platforms, nurses are most discussed as "angels in white" and "sacrifice and dedication". At the hospital conference, it is always said: "Don't care about the gains and losses of salary, and don't complain about the pressure of responsibility." ”
Stills from "Detective Chinatown 2".
But being a nurse is just a job, and I'm just an ordinary person, who has to live and is weak.
I don't know when I started to be in a state of exhaustion every day. When gathering with friends or chatting on WeChat, complaining about work becomes the main topic. "I'm annoyed" has become my mantra, and every day I am full of negative energy and constantly consumed internally.
The idea of quitting my job has been swirling in my mind for a long time, but I have been hesitant. Because it is undeniable that the job of a nurse is not for nothing. The job is stable, there is little to no need to worry about optimizing layoffs, and you can stay until retirement if you want. This job will buy me five insurances and one housing fund with a higher coefficient, and the monthly salary of tens of thousands of dollars is always paid on time. My colleagues are friendly and always give me help and support.
I was afraid that I would not be able to find a new job after I quit, that I would find a worse job than I am now, that my parents would blame me, and that I would be afraid of other people's gossip. So, I never dared to take that step.
It's just that the longer it drags on, the more anxious I find become, the more negative I become, and the more unhappy I become. My life seemed to be overshadowed, bleak and lifeless, only tired and depressed.
At the end of April, after another exhausting night shift, I wondered how many more nights like this I would face in the future. If I'm always worried about what happens after I quit, I'll never be able to take half a step. What's the point of life if you're always as unhappy as you are now?
A still from "The Nurse's Assistant Next Door".
We save other people's lives in hospitals, and we should have the right to pursue our own lives. After six years of working as a nursing, I finally quit the hospital despite everyone's dissuasion.
Naked words are not the same as rebirth, after all, poetry and distance need the support of capital. After quitting my job, I lost my stable job, decent social security benefits, and had to worry about how to support myself.
But I think I've gotten more out of it. Peace of mind, regular sleep and meals, time with my family, and time to write these superficial words to share my story with you.
A few days ago, my sister, a colleague with whom I had a good relationship, chatted with me and talked about the recent situation in the department. Due to the shortage of nurses, the head nurse is preparing to adjust the schedule to three night shifts a week.
My colleague's sister is 35 years old this year, and her physical strength and spirit are not as good as before. The unwritten rule of the hospital is that only the head nurse and team leader are not required to work night shifts. The number of nurse managers and team leaders in each department is limited, and the current head nurses and team leaders in the department are of the same age as her, and according to the current situation, she has almost no career room to rise. In other words, she may have to work the night shift until she leaves the hospital.
A still from "The White Castle".
I couldn't help her with anything, I could only comfort her a few words, but I felt that those words were pale and weak. Finally, she sighed helplessly and said, "It seems that the end of the nurse is to leave the job." ”
Several of my good friends are also nurses, and we often chat in WeChat groups, most of the time complaining about work. After I left the job, they were still the same as before, and they were all kinds of troubles that happened at work in the group every once in a while.
But now there is another topic, that is, after complaining about work, I envy me for leaving my nursing position. Each of them has a heart that wants to quit, but they don't have the courage to leave immediately because of various practical reasons such as mortgages and raising babies. This job is like chicken ribs, tasteless food, and it is a pity to abandon it.
One of my classmates, a pediatric nurse, recently had the idea of quitting his job. She told me that since the beginning of this year, the salary of their department has continued to decrease, and the pediatric department is already a very stressful department, and the income is not proportional to the effort, and the enthusiasm to go to work is even less motivating. While counting the various expenses, she said to me: "I really envy the courage to say that you can go, when will I be liberated?" ”
"Save lives and help the wounded, work hard, pursue persistently, and strive for the development of the motherland's medical and health undertakings and the physical and mental health of mankind for life." When I stepped into the school, every medical student would take such a solemn oath. At the time, I never imagined that I would be so eager to escape from this profession as I am now.
Stills from "Intern Lettuce Dish".
Is the end of a nurse's job a job? I can't give a simple yes or no answer to this question. There is no right or wrong way to be tired of nursing work, and there are people who are willing to make it their life's work.
But at least for now, I don't regret my decision to leave.
Life is not a wilderness, we are always running around with work and family, and there is not so much freedom and choice. No matter what kind of work we do, how much responsibility we shoulder, how high the expectations of others, when we feel tired, anxious, and painful, we must have the courage to allow ourselves to leave the track for a while. Give yourself a little time, take a break, adjust your mentality, and then think about how to go forward.