A psychological counselor takes you into your own inner world, like the attention of it!
Text/Old K
Yesterday, when I listened to NetEase Cloud Music, I kept recommending my brother's and Coco Li's songs, and to be honest, I was really sad after listening to it.
Come to think of it, it's been almost a year since Coco Li died, and it was very difficult for me to accept that a person who loves to laugh so much, is extremely serious and responsible for people and things, and left us like this.
It's no wonder that netizens were sad at the time, and one comment was very eye-catching:
Kind people are prone to depression, she gives her smile to the world and keeps her sadness to herself...
How real, she hid herself, always showed her best side to everyone, and endured the pain alone. It's a quality of goodness at the bottom.
And Leslie Cheung is not like this, the last words he said before his brother passed away was: "I have never done anything bad in my life, why is this happening?" ”
This has aroused the empathy of too many depressed patients, a person who has obviously not hurt others, has not done bad things, and even sacrificed a lot for others, but in the end it is himself who is hurt.
It's no wonder that on Zhihu, there is a very eye-catching topic on the hot list one day: "Why are bad people psychologically stronger than good people, don't bad people feel guilty?" ”
In fact, the more you think about this kind of thing, the more angry you are, Buddhism always says that karma is reincarnated, if good people always have no good reward, then how terrible should this world be?
But if you analyze it rationally, sometimes kindness itself is fine, but the essence of some kind people is not kindness, but weakness of character.
I remember that there is a monologue in Keigo Higashino's "Malice" that is very classic:
I just hate you,
Obviously you are so kind,
Obviously you know my obscene past and help me keep it a secret,
Obviously, you have been helping me achieve my dreams.
But I just hate you,
I give you all my hatred for myself, and I use it all to hate you.
You see, a person with a weak personality will provoke others to bully you over a small matter, which is the old saying "Ascend Mien, fight Mi Hat".
If we just add to the cake and help others too much, others will rely on you and take your good for granted, and this kindness will seem unworthy in the eyes of others.
If a person has no bottom line, he will incur the aggression of others, just like a state, how can an unarmed country avoid the encroachment of other countries?
Later, I saw that Wu Zhihong's book also said: "People are not angry, just like a country is not armed." ”
There is such a line in the movie "The Godfather":
"A soft-hearted heart without boundaries will only make the other party gain an inch; Unprincipled kindness will only make the other person do whatever he wants. ”
Our education always tells us to be kind to others, not to be mean to others, and that it is good to learn to manage emotions, but it is not good to vent emotions wantonly. As everyone knows, the nature of anger and aggression is very important, because it is a human instinct.
For example, in the psychoanalytic view, the "id" is already very angry, but the "superego" does not allow the "id" to express anger, then at this time, if the "ego" is overly biased towards the "superego" to suppress the "id", this will lead to greater psychological conflict in the heart.
Originally, psychological defense was to serve the real environment, but the price was to plunge yourself into endless inner pain.
In fact, what we should understand most is that a person needs to express anger, psychologist Wu Zhihong said: "Personality atrophy will inevitably lead to the loss of sincerity, so that people can only live in a false world." ”
Aggression is the truest part, and it's very important for a person's personality health. If you recall your own experience, the best or most comfortable relationships are definitely not the kind that can only accept your "good", but the "bad part" that you can freely express in the relationship, and the relationship is real and meaningful.
I used to be afraid of conflict with others, but the experience of depression and anxiety really taught me that if my kindness is not respected in a relationship, the best thing to do is to turn the other cheek.
Because I know that I'm happy in a relationship where I can be my true self, and in a relationship that requires me to need this or that, I'm often a victim.
When one can be allowed to be "bad", allowed to be "aggressive", and allowed to unleash a tremendous amount of life force, that joy is incomparable.
Many people may worry about whether they will be annoyed if they are too presumptuous in the relationship, so you must know that you are not crazy, will you be okay to provoke others? Another point is, how can there be peace in relationships all the time? Conflict itself is also part of the relationship, and we are afraid that the conflict itself will create a huge burden on us in the relationship. And the relationship will not be because you are afraid of conflict, there will be no conflict, but you are used to enduring the conflict yourself, and you will bear the part that two people need to face and bear alone.
You know, you are not a Bodhisattva, even if the Bodhisattva's low eyebrows are behind the blessing of Vajra's angry eyes, if your kindness has no bottom line, then you will only be ruthlessly trampled on.
Kindness is precious, please leave it to those who deserve it.