The biggest problem after a breakup is that no matter how you contact the other person or apologize, your ex is unmoved, so is there any way to stimulate your ex's need for you? Let him be a little more proactive with you?
In my experience, there are ways to do this, and the premise of making all this change is the psychological induction mechanism that I will talk about below.
The subconscious of human beings wants to have things that they have never obtained, but they no longer cherish what they have obtained, and the more things they can't get, the more they will stimulate their strong possessiveness.
According to this line of thought, we can try the following ways to activate the other party's subconscious, here I will talk about four ways, you see which one you are suitable for, and then refer to it You can try it yourself.
01
Take advantage of the intervals between disconnection or reconnection to create a sense of mystery
A gap after a breakup is used to create a sense of mystery rather than harassing your ex.
It has a simple formula: distance + ease + update. Distance consists of two parts, time and space.
If your ex has not been separated from you for a long time, or even quarreled with you yesterday or the day before yesterday, don't look for him at this time, keep a good distance, except for fake breakups. This distance can be said to be a "safe distance", and if it is too close, it is easy to have an accident.
But we also need to maintain a "attracting distance", such as letting the ex see the gap with you, so that he can have the motivation to be attracted to you.
At this point, it is recommended to start with the characteristics of your ex who likes you at the beginning of the relationship, and it is always easier to improve than to make up for the difference, so that we can have a direction.
If not, choose something to do from your ex's preferences that roughly aligns with your career trajectory.
Another point is to behave as "easily" as possible.
If what you can do, others can do, then you don't have any mystery to speak of.
We need to easily do something that ordinary people can't do, take fitness as an example, you can reflect the high efficiency of fitness, or reflect the high quality of fitness, or show your perseverance in fitness, etc.
In short, let him feel the gap with you again.
Finally, we want to update our dynamics, the previous can suppress curiosity once or twice, but if there are more times, then the curiosity will be multiplied.
It also increases the credibility of our performance, increases the amount of time he spends thinking about you, provokes the ex to think, and is also a way to restore the relationship.
02
Leave some white space
When we chat with our ex a little more smoothly, we can try to improve the interactive content.
To be honest, when we get back, we generally can't give each other too high emotional value in the short term, and it's hard to understand the heart of the ex.
On the other hand, the period of redemption and pursuit is actually very similar, and neither can be overpaid.
But it's not that you don't take it seriously and don't care, but if you put all your energy on saving it now, it will easily affect your life, and there will definitely be a gap after getting back together.
Your ex will think: You worked so hard to get me back, why is it not as good as before?
So our interaction with our ex can't be "too real", then the other party has no interest at all, what he wants to know, what he doesn't want to know, you've finished talking about it, what else can he say?
So if we chat, we need to decide the strength according to the other party's interests, status, and needs.
Don't say "you have something he doesn't have", try not to talk too much when he's in a bad mood, and don't provide things he doesn't need.
03
Make the ex get your way
Creating obstacles for your ex to get you is a bit close to mystery, and the point is not whether your ex wants to continue with you, but to highlight your value.
In intimate relationships, our own value is not only soft and hard, but also relative.
For example, when some girls are confessed, they obviously agree in their hearts, but they will still be reserved and pretend to shirk.
It doesn't seem to change any objective facts, but it gives a different impression of each other, which will make people cherish and care more. Similar to an auction, the value of a lot is fixed, but depending on the outcry, the price may rise or fall randomly.
It's the same when we redeem it, if the ex thinks that you are too effortless to link, he will subconsciously reduce the corresponding effort.
Even if we get back together, we will invite an ancestor, not a partner who will fight side by side. So these can also be counted as sunk costs for the other party.
04
Competitive jealousy
When you reach the middle and late stages of recovery, your ex will gradually regain his good impression of you, awaken his good memories, and generate more expectations, which is the ice-breaking stage.
At this time, we can use "competitive jealousy" to continue to accelerate the recovery.
In the vernacular, it is to enhance the gender charm of the redeemer through the recognition of the opposite sex, and enhance your "relative value" from the outside in.
Because your soft and hard value ex may not care, or your ex feels that it is not good enough.
But if you have a strong peach blossom, both men and women will cause mood swings because of "possessiveness", and your ex will pay careful attention to you, and you can't help but have a sense of crisis and frustration.
Especially under the various foreshadowing operations in the early stage, the ex has included you in his scope, and at this time he will feel that he may lose more if he loses you.
This creates a kind of fake sunk cost.
After all, facts speak louder than words, no matter how your ex denied you before, if someone of the opposite sex likes you, this is your real charm and value.
But please note that the scale here is very important.
You must use a very weak "competitive jealousy", do not deliberately show your charm, the degree must be slight, you must reject the opposite sex, you must appear innocent, and you must be honest with your ex.
If you think this is a routine, then you don't need to deliberately create it, you can just talk about things, such as your colleagues have a good relationship with you, recently asked you to help solve a problem, or invited you to dinner, etc.
That's to tell the truth, this kind of is acceptable, right?
But this is just an auxiliary method, a bit like "push and pull", if you are not in a hurry or worried about making a mistake, you can follow the step-by-step process.
Either way, the foundation of our reunion is our own improvement, which is also the guarantee of the stability of your relationship in the future, so don't waste any more time, and be sure to move when it's time to act.